RIVERBOTTOM NIGHTMARE BLOG!

A change is coming! New home at colestratton.com!

2010-08-27T15:56:00.000-07:00

To my faithful Riverbottom Nightmare Blog readers,

Things are changing, but for the better! I've finally gone and made my own website--colestratton.com! It's a good hub for all my projectes, live shows, dumb audio covers and silly photoshop projects--and it will also be the new home of this blog! So please head on over to the new website and take a look around!

www.colestratton.com

I'm the guest on Ep 140 of Jordan Jesse Go!

2010-07-29T13:12:00.000-07:00

I was honored to be a guest on Jesse Thorn and Jordan Morris' fantastic podcast, Jordan Jesse Go. It's available now on iTunes and on maximumfun.org.
Episode description:
Cole Stratton from the Pop My Culture Podcast joins Jesse and Jordan to discuss secret sex parties, Calgary, Alberta, and the next bit twitter star.

http://tinyurl.com/269ksqn

Pop My Culture Podcast Ep 16: Michael Hitchcock!

2010-07-21T12:27:00.001-07:00

Now available!

PMC 16: Michael Hitchcock

Cole, Vanessa and master improviser Michael Hitchcock (“Waiting for Guffman,” “Best in Show”) talk Celebrity Rehab, working with Christopher Guest, having a “jacuzze,” The Room, McRibs, Troll 2, The Groundlings, watching extras, Glee, sailor uniforms, Party of Five, the Turtle Man, Judge Judy, childhood marionettes, Flash Mountain, House Arrest, and Michael’s startling discovery on Google.

LISTEN on our website

www.popmyculturepodcast.com

and

on iTunes!

and please rate it and leave a nice comment to help us get featured!

Pop My Culture Podcast Ep 15: Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett!

2010-07-16T08:22:00.000-07:00

Now available!

Cole, Vanessa and movie riffing royalty Michael J. Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett (“Mystery Science Theater 3000,” RiffTrax.com) talk The Dark Knight, slave Leias, casting The Hulk, helicopter flicks, Tom Waits and Shania Twain mashups, the demise of Blockbuster, favorite Road House lines, unusual Halloween costumes, Fat Mama, spirit gum, Tron guy, sad vuvuzelas, Mannequin II: On the Move, baby legs, Dr. Parnassus, Adam West’s goon, and what—WHAT—Mel Gibson.

LISTEN on our website

www.popmyculturepodcast.com

and

on iTunes!

and please rate it and leave a nice comment to help us get featured!

Now available! RiffTrax Presents THE LOST BOYS with Janet Varney and ME!

2010-07-14T11:50:00.000-07:00

Now available!

Click here to check it out!

Let’s get one thing straight: Vampires don’t sparkle in the sun; they burst into flame. Yes, they sleep all day, party all night, wear dangly earrings, ride motorbikes on the boardwalk and enjoy concerts by long-haired shirtless greasy saxophone players, but they JUST. DO. NOT. SPARKLE.

Joel “Can we please stop talking about how I put nipples on the Batsuit?” Schumacher’s 1987 teen vamp flick The Lost Boys is everything Twilight wishes it could be and then some. SWOON over pretty boy Michael (Jason Patric) and his vamp nemesis David (Kiefer Sutherland, peroxided beyond recognition)! LAUGH at those wacky comic-book collecting vamp hunters The Frog Brothers (Corey Feldman, who probably doesn’t remember making this movie, and Jamison Newlander, who probably doesn’t get remembered for making this movie)! SCREAM at Corey Haim’s horribly dated wardrobe! And SIGH wondering why Dianne Wiest and Edward Herrmann signed on to be in this thing. Oh…and… something about Jami Gertz.

Returning to the RiffTrax booth are Cole Stratton (who seriously loves this movie) and Janet Varney (who seriously loves that Cole seriously loves this movie). They hope you’ll give it a download…since they have so much at STAKE. Get it? Stake?*

*Janet Varney wishes that it be known that she strongly disapproves of that last joke and that Cole takes full responsibility for it.**

** Cole Stratton is wearing sunglasses indoors and thinks it’s hilarious.

Pop My Culture Podcast Ep 14: Simon Helberg!

2010-07-08T17:28:00.000-07:00

Now available!

Cole, Vanessa and their favorite television physics nerd Simon Helberg (“The Big Bang Theory,” “Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog”) talk Emmy snubs, a 3D Captain Ron remake, Tony Shalhoub, the Dr. Horrible sequel, wet underwear, Comic-Con, the Real Housewives, weird heart attack commercials, Hong Kong Phooey, owning physical CDs, the end of the internet, The TV Set, dainty Hobbit-like Prince, James Earl Jones’ REAL voice, LA Theatreworks, and Cole’s unwavering admiration for Alex Wong.

LISTEN on our website

www.popmyculturepodcast.com

and

on iTunes!

and please rate it and leave a nice comment to help us get featured!

Pop My Culture Podcast Ep 13: Matthew Lillard!

2010-07-02T10:29:00.000-07:00

Now available!

Cole, Vanessa and the incredibly tall and equally hilarious Matthew Lillard (“Scream,” “Scooby-Doo”) talk the state of the film industry, merkins, Joan Rivers, Phantom vs. Les Mis, Hackers, Kenny Rogers, writing soup letters, Joan Embry internships, the upcoming Scream sequel, scary movies, the Human Centipede, Madisonsfoundation.org, writing a surf musical, and Cole and Matthew’s Shaggy-off.

LISTEN on our website

www.popmyculturepodcast.com

and

on iTunes!

and please rate it and leave a nice comment to help us get featured!

Pop My Culture Podcast Ep 12: Cristine Rose!

2010-06-22T17:49:00.000-07:00

Now available!

Cole, Vanessa and television staple Cristine Rose (“Heroes,” “How I Met Your Mother”) talk sweaty glows, Angela Petrelli, So You Think You Can Dance, the writers strike, Pushing Daisies, Maggie Smith, playing Jackie Kennedy, Picket Fences, Toy Story 3, the Ferris Bueller TV show, ghost cops, disco, Ishtar, Todd Oldham, The Biggest Loser, Hoot hooting, Klingon makeup, and the loss of Mary Murphy’s hot tomale train.

LISTEN on our website

www.popmyculturepodcast.com

and

on iTunes!

and please rate it and leave a nice comment to help us get featured!

Pop My Culture Podcast Ep 11: Oscar Nunez & Danny Pudi!

2010-06-15T10:36:00.000-07:00

Now available!

PMC 11: Oscar Nunez & Danny Pudi (Live from the RoofTop Comedy Festival in Aspen, Colorado)

Cole, Vanessa and TWO amazing guests–Oscar Nunez (“The Office”) and Danny Pudi (“Community”) chat in front of a live audience in Aspen, Colorado about Stephen Seagal, Willow, paintball specialists, groping, Galarraga’s perfect game, Donald Glover for Spiderman, velvet improvisers, Jaden Smith, proud prominent noses, missing q-tips, gypsy Burt Reynolds, and things that are shit hot.

LISTEN on our website

www.popmyculturepodcast.com

on iTunes!

and please rate it and leave a nice comment to help us get featured!

Pop My Culture Podcast Ep 10: Mo Collins!

2010-06-10T15:04:00.000-07:00

Now available!

Cole, Vanessa and sketch pro Mo Collins (“MadTv,” “Arrested Development”) talk podcasting crickets, Sandy Bullock, skit vs. sketch, Parenthood, unusual awards, Carol Burnett, the Strawberry Shortcake doll smell, teenage bands, sparkly vampires and zombies, odd fetishes, Lorrainisms, Betty White, popsicle stick jokes, Bazooka Joe comics, and boxes full of poop.

LISTEN on our website

www.popmyculturepodcast.com

on iTunes!

and please rate it and leave a nice comment to help us get featured!

When Midnight Madness starts to get to you...

2010-06-08T18:45:00.000-07:00

One of my all time favorite movies growing up was the Disney produced all-night scavenger hunt comedy Midnight Madness. Teams from a local college descend upon L.A. tracking clue after clue in Leon's game--there's the heroic yellow team led by An American Werewolf In London's David Naughton (with Michael J. Fox in tow, in his first big screen appearance); the evil Blue team, following the orders of a spoiled lazy rich kid (Animal House's Stephen Furst); the Red all-ladies team with identical giggling twins; the Green jock squad nicknamed the Meat Machine; and the nerdy white team with Eddie Deezen (Grease and 1941). It also features Paul Reubens as a pre-Pee Wee video arcade employee. I've probably seen it twenty or thirty times...and I simply adore the disco theme song. So much that...yes...I've done an all-vocal cover of it.

Here it is...in all it's cheeseball glory!

MIDNIGHT MADNESS THEME SONG

All Vocal Cover by Cole Stratton

Pop My Culture Podcast Ep 09: Linda Cardellini!

2010-05-31T15:03:00.000-07:00

Now available!

Pop My Culture Podcast Ep 09: Linda Cardellini

Cole, Vanessa and adorable Linda Cardellini (“Freaks and Geeks,” “E.R.”) talk jeggings, Bieber Fever, Ewe Tube, sex tapes, the American Idol finale, Nancy Grace, Bret Michaels, Top Chef Masters, satellite radio, Snapitude, unicorns, Precious, Scooby Doo, the Burger King from Back to the Future, and the importance of Dead Man On Campus’ Guy #2.

LISTEN on our website

www.popmyculturepodcast.com

on iTunes!

and please rate it and leave a nice comment to help us get featured!

Enjoy!

Pop My Culture Podcast Ep 08: Paul F. Tompkins!

2010-05-21T15:38:00.000-07:00

Now available!

Cole, Vanessa and hilarious gentleman comic Paul F. Tompkins (“Best Week Ever,” “Mr. Show with Bob and David”) talk tattoos, twitter wars, Kid Nation, Law & Order, riverboat gamblers, Lindsay Lohan, There Will Be Blood, flippers, The Pacific, invisible sound guys, Morgan Spurlock Food Detective, Treme, The Philly Fanatic, broadcasting in a leafblower, and what the Shrek just happened.

LISTEN on our website

www.popmyculturepodcast.com

on iTunes!

and please rate it and leave a nice comment to help us get featured!

Enjoy!

Pop My Culture Podcast Ep 07: Keith Coogan!

2010-05-12T10:13:00.000-07:00

Now available!

Cole, Vanessa and 80s/90s teen flick icon Keith Coogan (“Adventures in Babysitting,” “Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead”) talk weepy Disney films, Iron Man 2, meta filmmaking, Hiding Out’s pedophilia, Canadian child doubles, The Waltons, Just the Ten of Us, the Monologue a Day Project, John Cusack’s fascination with Cassiopeia, stripping babysitters, 6th grade rock bands and brownie thieves.

LISTEN on our website

www.popmyculturepodcast.com

on iTunes!

and please rate it and leave a nice comment to help us get featured!

Enjoy!

*and on a personal note--this one was a serious THRILL for me--Coogan has starred in several of my favorite movies growing up, and I always considered myself a fan. Super honored he guested on my podcast!

That's Celebutainment! Part V!

2010-05-03T15:14:00.000-07:00

Time for some more news in the world of celebrity gossip!*

RECORD EXECUTIVES: "LEE DEWYZE IS POISED TO MAKE SHITTY MUSIC!"

With his extensive collection of flannel shirts, frat-boy date-rapey looks and ability to Nickelback the crap out of any song, American Idol contestant Lee Dewyze has several major label record executives salivating. "He's just what we've been looking for," said Gavin Caulksucker, talent scout for Sell-Out Records. "He's ready now to perform some horrible ballad written by committee that starts out really slow but then gets heavier allowing him to over-emote with those sandpaper vocals of his. I, for one, can't wait to slap an Ed Hardy shirt and a couple of earrings on him." Dewyze was unavailable for comment, as he is currently busy aww-shucks'in with his shoulders and his hands in his pockets.

SUDDEN MATERIALIZATION BY COORS LIGHT SILVER BULLET TRAIN KILLS 30

Disaster struck a crowded downtown Phoenix, AZ street yesterday afternoon when the Coors Light Silver Bullet Train suddenly appeared, killing thirty and sending dozens of injured pedestrians to intensive care. "It was terrible. Just terrible!," said Gina Tompson, who witnessed the whole thing from her break room window. "I can't hear that goddamn O'Jays song without crying." Police have taken Frank Rozanski, a 32-year-old painter, into custody after he drew a tunnel on the side of a building. "It gets really, really hot in Arizona," said Rozanski, clearly shaken. "I just wanted to give everyone something cool to drink. I guess I should have just bought a case of beer or something at the store. I never imagined I'd unleash this kind of horror."

FAMILY CIRCUS' BILLY ADDICTED TO GRAND THEFT AUTO

Lovable little quizzical scamp Billy, longtime child of beloved comic strip Family Circus, admitted in an exclusive interview to Comics Child BiWeekly that he can't get enough of the Playstation classic video game Grand Theft Auto. "Look, I might not look like I've gotten any older, but I have, ok? I'm like Benjamin Button, or the opposite of that Robin Williams guy Jack," said Billy. "GTA is fuckin' hilarious. I can steal shit, beat up hookers, whatever. It's SO much better than hanging out with that little shit P.J." Billy also told the publication that he can totally see the ghosts of his grandparents walking around the house, but disliked them when they were alive, so he never says anything.

KE$HA ASKS THAT ALL ESSES BE REPLACED WITH DOLLAR SIGNS

Pop savant Ke$ha has requested that the letter "S" be substituted with her beloved '$' in all future correspondence written to or about her. "It'$ my thing, ok?" said Ke$ha, sipping from a dangling rubber straw from a beer hat. "$o, if you want to a$k me $omething, you are going to have to ob$erve what I want, ok? $urely you under$stand that, unle$$ you are from Mi$$i$$ippi or $omething. $hee$h!" As of press time, her music still $uck$.

CHLOE O'BRIAN TO GET OWN SPIN-OFF

24's computer genius Chloe O'Brian isn't done yet--after the show wraps up its eighth and final season, she'll get her own daytime talk show, tentatively titled Harumph! with Chloe O'Brian. "Basically, I'll get to interview whomever I want, but most likely whatever they say will irritate me," said O'Brian, furrowing her brow and crossing her arms. "Then I'll go behind their backs if I need to, 'cuz everybody is just an idiot. I mean, gosh!" The show will also include a segment in which Jack Bauer will call in and test her loyalty.

ALIENS TO STEPHEN HAWKING: "CHILL THE FUCK OUT!"

After genius physicist Stephen Hawking released a statement warning of the dangers of communication with extraterrestrial lifeforces, Refelfluxigravelflux, spokesman for the planet Radon 5, countered with a message of their own. "Yo, Hawks, overreacting a bit much, aren't we?" said Refelfluxigravelflux. "That's a load of Graffelbarg crap, and you know it. We don't want your shitty little blue planet, we've got problems of our own. Everyone here is obsessed with Bustin Jieber, who makes music that sounds not unlike that of your Justin Bieber. It's fucking up our Rettiwt feeds, constantly trending. So relax." Refelfluxigravelflux did promise, however, that if his race was to visit our planet, they would "explore the shit out of our anuses."

CHRISTIAN BALE'S HOUSE IS METHOD

Bale, star of the Batman reboots and Terminator Salvation, moved into a new home last week, which he describes as "super serious." "Look, it's the truest, most authentic house there is," said Bale, scowling into a mirror. "I don't let it open its doors unless it feels it. Ditto on the windows." Bale recently sold his Beverly Hills mansion after a disagreement. "I loved you, house, once, but you and me, home, we're done, professionally," he told it, storming out for the last time.

SHAKIRA'S HIPS CAUGHT IN LIE

Super hot singer Shakira's hips may face jail time after lying under oath on the witness stand yesterday in a Los Angeles county courthouse. Details on the case are not being disclosed at this time, but it is believed that her pelvis is a witness in a crime involving stolen booty.

AREA MAN FORCED TO KICK OWN ASS AFTER REFERENCING FAMILY GUY

23-year-old Forrest Landingham gave himself a good beating outside a Kalamazoo, MI bar Monday night after asking his buddies if "they had seen that one episode of Family Guy." "I couldn't believe the words were coming out of my own mouth," said Landingham, "We were talking about, I dunno, Richard Simmons or something, and it reminded me of this one thing that Stewie said, and before I knew it, I was referencing it, and I swear to God, you could hear a record needle scratch sound and everyone stopped talking in the bar. Before anybody else could do it, I took myself outside and slapped me around." Landingham swears he'll stop watching the show before he murders himself.

JUSTIN BIEBER PUTS OWN POSTER ON WALL

Tween sensation Justin Bieber taped an 11 x 17 Tiger Beat pull out of himself to his bedroom wall, then spent the afternoon laying on his bed and staring into his own eyes. "Man, I am so dreamy!," said Bieber, "I think I'll get some glitter markers tomorrow and adorn myself with hearts. Oh shit, I heart me so much!" Bieber's weekend plans include hoodie shopping and getting an androgynous haircut.

*this is all fakity fake fake, so don't get upset, celebutants!

Pop My Culture Podcast Ep 06: Mather Zickel!

2010-04-30T02:12:00.000-07:00

Now available!

Pop My Culture Podcast Ep 06: Mather Zickel

Cole, Vanessa and the handsome, hilarious Mather Zickel (“Rachel Getting Married,” “Reno 911!”) talk Dungeons & Dragons, Bubo, the Smurfs Movie, anal media, heavenly bunk-beds, Critters 2, 3D, Joe Estevez, Roger Corman, the Janekasaurus, and Mather’s set-lifted wardrobe.

LISTEN on our website

www.popmyculturepodcast.com

on iTunes!

and please rate it and leave a nice comment to help us get featured!

Enjoy!

Pop My Culture Podcast Ep 05: Chris Hardwick!

2010-04-22T00:39:00.000-07:00

Now available!

Pop My Culture Podcast Ep 05: Chris Hardwick

Cole, Vanessa and our favorite Nerdist Chris Hardwick (“Web Soup,” “Singled Out”) talk Tron, the iPad, remaking Fletch, the Disney Vault, getting naked for Steven Seagal, Lode Runner, Hufflepuff, foul-mouthed kids, Dave Coulier, the Hollywood Squares, demeaning commercial auditions and a super-extreme version of Apple Care.

LISTEN on our website

www.popmyculturepodcast.com

on iTunes!

and please rate it and leave a nice comment to help us get featured!

Enjoy!

They just don't make 'em like that anymore...

2010-04-18T17:56:00.000-07:00

As a life-long cinema enthusiast, there's nothing I like better than discussing (or heatedly arguing about) movies--whether its defending a widely-snubbed film, gushing about a classic, trashing a brainless blockbuster, or bringing attention to an over-looked gem.

Film criticism is a tough occupation--especially one you can actually scratch out a living doing. With Internet bloggers willing to write up reviews for free (in exchange for the screening pass), and lots of moviegoers trusting quick little viral paragraphs or reviews as simple as "It kicks ass!" or "Sucks the big one!," it seems the era of thoughtful, well-written criticism may be heading the way of the VHS tape or the physical on-site video store.

I was disheartened to hear about the cancellation of At The Movies, the weekly half-hour review show, now hosted by A.O. Scott of The New York Times and Michael Phillips of the Chicago Tribune. They are staying on-board 'til August, then it seems that the long-standing program will leave the airwaves. A real shame--it's been around in different incarnations since the early 1980s, where it started with arguably the most beloved and influential of all film critics--Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert.

Siskel and Ebert, and their iconic balcony (which, instead of ending up in the Smithsonian, was just broken down and tossed into the trash), offered up some incredibly smart, funny and level-headed criticism. They were accessible, strongly opinionated, and fair. I may not have always agreed with them (see some of the links below), but I always respected what they had to say. What really came across was their incredible love for film, and their enthusiasm was contagious. I owe them a HUGE thank you--because of their inspiration, I dabbled in film reviews at an early age, writing a review for the Wherehouse video chain's in-store magazine of The Lost Boys, which was published and earned me a free prize (which ended up being a Pirates of Dark Water kite...I was hoping for an MGM coffee mug or something less kiddy). I was fourteen at the time, and I soon brought my love for movies to The Davis Enterprise, a daily newspaper where I was interning after school. I was eventually put in charge of co-ordinating a bi-weekly Sunday edition page called "Youth Beat," where we profiled outstanding young people in the community. The other big feature on the page were my movie reviews--where for two or so years I had hundreds of by-lines, simply writing about what I loved the most. Although I didn't end up pursuing a job in journalism or film criticism, I always kept that critical eye and unbridled enthusiasm for cinema, which is probably pretty evident from the bulk of my blog posts.

When we lost Siskel in 1999, the show went through a rough period of guest hosts who could never quite fill his chair. Ebert soldiered on, bantering with the likes of critics like Elvis Mitchell, Joel Siegel, Lisa Schwarzbaum, Kenneth Turan, and even crazy Bay Area personality Jan Wahl, who rates films by a number of "hats." Acclaimed directors such as Martin Scorsese, Peter Bogdanovich and Kevin Smith also filled in. Eventually, Richard Roeper of The Chicago Sun-Times became the go-to guy, and Ebert & Roeper was born. A few years later, Ebert was diagnosed with thyroid cancer, and had to leave the show. Roeper continued the guest critic rotation, then announced he was leaving the show in 2008 after a contractual dispute. They foolishly revamped the show, trying to draw in a younger audience with new hosts Ben Lyons and Ben Mankiewicz. They introduced an awkward Critics Roundtable segment, and seemed to try to switch things up weekly. Lyons seemed to always like everything, drawing the ire of a lot of long-time viewers who resisted the changes. Thankfully, that experiment drew to a close, and Scott and Phillips took over.

With At The Movies heading off the air, one can only hope that the website, atthemoviestv.com, stays active, as they have archived thousands of video reviews. I spent hours last night watching tons of old Siskel and Ebert clips, enthralled by their child-like enthusiasm for all things cinema. I can't embed the reviews, but here are links to some reviews I particularly enjoyed. Watch a few, reminisce, and go to their website and pull up a few of your favorites. Until then...the balcony is closed.

THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION

(Two thumbs up...and Siskel's pronunciation of "Frank Darabont" is adorable)

DIE HARD

(A mixed review....Ebert has it out for the dumb LAPD!)

BROADCAST NEWS

(Raves for Holly Hunter!)

THREE AMIGOS
(Two thumbs down...for one of my favorite comedies!)

SEARCHING FOR BOBBY FISCHER
(My all time favorite movie...and nice words for young Max Pomeranc!)

PULP FICTION
(High praise for Tarantino's originality!)

MILK MONEY
(Lots of disdain for the ridiculous premise!)

THE ABYSS
(Cameron's directors cut...and praise for Laser Discs!)

THE PRINCESS BRIDE
(Ebert loves the weird supporting characters...and adores "Wally" Shawn!)

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES
(Product placement be damned!)

THE HUNT FOR RED OCTOBER
(Boy...why must submarines be so ugly?)

A FISH CALLED WANDA
(Praise all around for Kevin Kline and co!)

A PERFECT WORLD
(A nice review for Eastwood's underrated gem, with some great thoughts on "what is violence")

BIG
(A diamond in the body-switching rough!)

Oh, and twitter friends--follow Roger Ebert! (@ebertchicago), and At the Movies (@atthemoviestv)!

Now available! RiffTrax Presents POLTERGEIST with Janet Varney and ME!

2010-04-15T15:25:00.000-07:00

NOW AVAILABLE!

Click here to check it out!

pol·ter·geist [ pølter geíst ] (plural pol·ter·geists) [Mid-19th century <>

Definition:

1) noisy spirit: a supposed supernatural spirit that reveals its presence by creating disturbances, e.g. by knocking over objects

2) 1982 Tobe Hooper-directed/Steven Spielberg-produced supernatural tale in which the Freeling Family deals with some seriously messed up/crappily-rendered spirits that ghost-nap their young daughter Carol Anne, who communicates with them through a television set (unlike text messaging, which is all the rage with the kids nowadays). A pre-Coach Craig T. Nelson and a pre-, um, Poltergeist JoBeth Williams star alongside Beatrice “I got an Oscar for a 5-min and 40 second performance” Straight, a creepy bedside clown, a ravenous tree, buckets and buckets of Star Wars product placement, and everyone’s favorite lil’ clairvoyant, Zelda Rubinstein. Running towards the light to provide RiffTrax commentary are Janet Varney and Cole Stratton, who previously underwhelmed you with their RiffTrax Presents of Dirty Dancing, Ghost and Footloose. We promise it will be more entertaining than The Bounty Hunter (since everything is). Which dictionary did this definition come out of, anyway? Am I right, people?

Please DOWNLOAD the newly available track and leave some comments here or on the RiffTrax message board! Hope you enjoy it!

Maggots, Michael! You're eating maggots!

2010-04-14T00:03:00.000-07:00

I've never been much of a fan of horror movies, but as a teenager I had a serious obsession with the Joel Schumacher vampire flick The Lost Boys. It was one of those beautiful mash-ups of a movie--combining dark humor, schlocky effects, eye-catching cinematography, a hip young cast, and a killer soundtrack (Echo and the Bunnymen covering The Doors, two INXS tracks, Roger Daltrey, Mummy Calls, Lou Gramm, and Tim Cappello, best remembered shirtless, with long greasy hair, wearing a snake and wailin' on a saxophone).

One track in particular really set the mood for the piece, playing over the opening titles, which streamed over a helicopter shot of the moon-soaked ocean, eventually settling on the Santa Carla (aka Santa Cruz) Boardwalk and Kiefer's motley crew of vamps. That song was Gerard McMann's Cry Little Sister (Theme From The Lost Boys).

Here, as a tribute to Michael, Star, David, Lucy, the Frog Brothers, Thorn the Helldog, cranky ol' grandpa, and Sam (RIP, Corey!) is my all-vocal cover of the track. Press play--and try not to have a death by stereo!

CRY LITTLE SISTER (THEME FROM THE LOST BOYS)

(VOCAL COVER BY COLE STRATTON)

Pop My Culture Podcast Ep 04: Bobby Campo!

2010-04-07T15:44:00.001-07:00

Now available!

Pop My Culture Podcast Ep 04: Bobby Campo

Cole, Vanessa, and the dream captain of Vanessa’s heart Bobby Campo (“Final Destination,” “Legally Blondes,” Vanessa’s Fantasies…) talk comics, horror movies, Teen Witch, more Teen Witch, Sookie’s Sexuality, Snow Caps, cougars, Lollapalooza, humiliating blue cat mascot outfits, Risk, and much more…and they did it all while trying to talk through the incredibly thick sexual tension that filled the room.

LISTEN on the official podcast website

www.popmyculturepodcast.com

and

on iTunes!

If you like what you hear, PLEASE rate it and comment on it on iTunes and help us get featured!

Pop My Culture Podcast Ep 03: Deanna Russo!

2010-03-26T23:50:00.001-07:00

Now available!

Pop My Culture Podcast Ep 03: Deanna Russo

Cole, Vanessa and lovely, lovely, lovely guest Deanna Russo (“Knight Rider,” “Gossip Girl”) talk terrariums, Jesse James, Brotherhoodies, Cloris Leachman, fan K.I.T.T. creations, Carlton Cuse, the night of 140 Tweets, Breaking Bad, @ signs, making eye contact with Richard Simmons, horse appendages, verbal nodding, sounding smart, and Cole’s ridiculously literal t-shirt.

LISTEN

on the official podcast website at

www.popmyculturepodcast.com

and

on iTunes!

...and if you like what you hear, please leave a comment and rate it on iTunes, and/or leave a comment on the website. Thanks!

That's Celebutainment! Part IV!

2010-03-24T18:21:00.000-07:00

What's new in the world of fake celebrity gossip? Read and find out!*

GERARD BUTLER TO STAR IN EVERY MOVIE FROM NOW ON

Continuing a trend in multiplexes as of late, soccer hooligan/actor Gerard Butler will, from now on, have a starring role in every movie produced, everywhere. "I'm really lookin' forward to being everywhere ya look, laddie!" said Butler, pounding a Guinness and punching some guy in the face. Butler has asked that every script include a role for him in which a smart, career-oriented gal gives up everything to be with him.

QUENTIN TARANTINO TO EXCITEDLY SUGGEST YOU WATCH A FUCKIN' OBSCURE MOVIE

Hyper film-director/indie video store clerk Quentin Tarantino is in talks to corner you and talk up some films no one has any interest in. "Awwww, man, it's fuckin' amazing," will say Tarantino, "It's this Italian blaxploitation/grindhouse/neo-noir western. It's four hours, but, man, you will not be disappointed. Oh, and it's only on BetaMax, and you have to import it from Brazil." Tarantino also plans to wave his arms a lot, and wear a Kangol cap.

SPENCER PRATT TO BUY CASE OF ED HARDY WINE

Because he would, right?

KRISTEN STEWART ACCIDENTALLY SMILES, RUINS IMAGE

Twilight's Bella Swan, Kristen Stewart, was spotted smiling on a roller coaster at Disney's California Adventure Thursday afternoon. Clearly embarrassed, Stewart tried to compensate while exiting the ride, frowning and shouting "This is BULLSHIT, man. Just tired, useless, BULLSHIT." Stewart apologized to her "fans" and promised to "keep a shitty attitude from now on."

SILVERLAKE HIPSTERS ALREADY HATE NEW MGMT ALBUM

With the release of the sophomore album from indie music darlings MGMT less than a month away, ironic-mustached silverlake hipsters are already "over" them. Says one: "MGMT? Whatever. I was into them, like, five years ago, when I saw them open for No Age and they hadn't recorded anything yet." The hipsters plan on getting into some new shoegaze meets noise band that wear bandannas, but will secretly listen to Michael McDonald in their cars.

JOHN GLENN TO AUDITION FOR SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE

Jealous of fellow astronaut Buzz Aldrin's selection for the ABC dance staple Dancing With the Stars, American hero John Glenn has announced plans to audition for Fox's reality competition So You Think You Can Dance. "Man, I've walked on the moon, but I've never been on the Hot Tamale Train!" said Glenn, practicing the infamous park bench contemporary routine by Mia Michaels. Glenn also plans to work out a routine with perennial auditioner Sex.

GIZMO TIRED OF LIVING IN A BOX

Gizmo, adorable star of the two successful horror-comedies Gremlins, has grown tired of his less-than-glamorous accommodations. "Me no happy. Me want to moooooove," said Gizmo, at a press conference last Wednesday. In a related story, Gizmo was killed that same afternoon by all the paparazzi flash bulbs.

NICK NOLTE EATS OWN HAND

Haggard actor Nick Nolte accidentally gnawed off his own right hand Tuesday night, when he was eating a double double from In-N-Out and watching television. "I, uh, I was watchin' Jeopardy, and I was caught up in the Broadway Potpourri category, and I looked down and, boy, was my face red," said Nolte, cutting a hole in the wall of his bedroom so he "didn't have to walk as far to get to the bathroom."

MR. PEANUT ADMITS MONOCLE IS UNNECESSARY

Salty Planters spokesman Mr. Peanut revealed in an exclusive TMZ interview Friday that his iconic eye wear is just cosmetic. "Look, I'm a walking, talking peanut. My whole get-up is weird. Planters dress me like I'm in some sort of Fosse musical. My vision is fine. For a peanut, that is," he said. He also admitted that he's been trying to earn a medical degree, and is a few years away from becoming Dr. Peanut.

LADY GAGA TO TRY WEARING BUSINESS CASUAL

Pop princess and notorious fashion trendsetter Lady Gaga is toying with wearing something "regular, you know, like a pant suit" when she guests on Leno next week. "I mean, I'm not gonna waste some cool, weird new outfit on Jay fuckin' Leno," said Gaga, sipping from a giant waterslide-shaped straw coming out of a Cookie-Monster headdress.

JUSTIN BIEBER IN CRITICAL CONDITION AFTER TRENDING NEARLY TO DEATH

Teen hearthrob/"musician" Justin Bieber is one lucky lil' moptop after just surviving a slew of @mentions and hashtags on abused social-what-are-you-doing website Twitter. "I like, logged on, to, you know, just like, see whazzup, you know, and like, 140 characters times a billion tumbled onto me," said Bieber, making a kissy face and posing for a non-existent camera. "If it wasn't for #hottubtimemachine, I'd be dead right now."

MARY ELIZABETH MASTRANTONIO WONDERS WHERE THE HELL SHE'S BEEN, TOO

Once-beloved actress Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, star of successful 90's fare like Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves and The Abyss, posted a query on Google answers last Wednesday, asking "Hey, what have I been up to? Have I been in anything lately? Seriously!" Mastrantonio was surprised to discover that she'd done nine episodes of Without A Trace semi-recently, and vowed to be available "in case they ever do a sequel to The January Man."

*none of this is real, just fun. So relax, celebrities!

Pop My Culture Podcast Ep 02: Janet Varney!

2010-03-18T18:32:00.000-07:00

NOW AVAILABLE!

Pop My Culture Podcast Ep 02: Janet Varney

Cole, Vanessa and special guest Janet Varney (“Dinner and a Movie,” “Entourage”) talk Corey Haim, celebrity crushes, the biosphere, shirtless saxophone solos, Dan Fielding’s wardrobe, Little Man Tate, and Andie MacDowell’s “acting.”

LISTEN on our official website, www.popmyculturepodcast.com

and

SUBSCRIBE on iTunes!

The wonderful, weird world of Japanese advertising!

2010-03-08T16:50:00.000-08:00

Ah, advertising!

Can't you see that I am serious!?

I often think fondly on the Mr. Sparkle episode of the Simpsons--when it comes to bizarre, strange, "burned into your retinas so you see them even while your eyes are closed" advertising, nobody does it better than the Japanese! Here is a collection of odd, memorable spots from Japan (and one from Thailand, I believe, starting things off). Enjoy(?)!

Damn funny Sylvania light commercial...

The doll-headed dog shot does it for me...

It's not a tuuumah...it's Ahnold in Japan!

I feel like this ad would be good for hypnosis...

All you Hulkamaniacs sing along!

This one is pretty ingenious...

...and I thought I was the only one with a diapered elephant friend!

Finally, a way to deal with those pesky track and field monkeys!

If I had a dime for every time this has happened to me...

I'm never gonna dance again...'cuz I viewed this weird Wham video...

Introducing the Pop My Culture Podcast!

2010-03-03T00:16:00.000-08:00

VERY excited to announce the launch of my newest project...

Pop My Culture Podcast

Pop My Culture is a bi-weekly podcast hosted by comedic actors and improvisers Cole Stratton and Vanessa Ragland. Join these two entertainment nerds and their special guests as they discuss movies, music, television, celebrity gossip, etc. without all those pesky “serious”

topics like politics, religion and the environment. I mean, you can tune into Fresh Air for that. We’ll just tackle the trivial watercooler stuff, ok?

Now available:

Pop My Culture Ep 01: Samm Levine

Cole, Vanessa and special guest Samm Levine (“Freaks and Geeks,” “Inglourious Basterds”) talk Oscars, unobtainium, dancing Buzz Aldrin, measurement beans, Paris rooftops and Vanessa’s unhealthy obsession with Zac Efron.

LISTEN to the podcast and check out some great promo pics on the official podcast website: www.popmyculturepodcast.com
and
SUBSCRIBE on iTunes (It's Free!...the first episode might not be listed, but if you subscribe it will download it with your iTunes podcasts!). Check it here: iTunes

Girls Just Want to Have Fun...by listening to this!

2010-02-26T19:06:00.000-08:00

Thanks to HBO's constant streaming of the '80s teen dance classic Girls Just Want To Have Fun, I've always had a soft-spot in my heart for SJP and her dream to be on Dance TV. My cousin, Casey, and I would watch the thing over and over again--I could probably quote most of it if my life depended on it (which would be a weird thing for your life to depend on--when was the last time anyone was asked to rattle off Jonathan Silverman's dialogue at gunpoint?)

The film sports one of the best soundtracks of that decade--an extremely hard one to hunt down, btw. I took it upon myself (believe me, this is totally self-inflicted!) to record a cover of my favorite tune from the flick--Q-Feel's "Dancin' In Heaven (Orbital Be-Bop)." And since I can't actually play any instruments (which I plan to remedy this year with guitar lessons), I recorded the whole thing using vocals only. So...what it lacks in technical ability it more than makes up for in heart, much like Janey Glenn herself! Click...and "enjoy."

Wha...I'm the lead character in a romance novel!

2010-02-21T13:11:00.000-08:00

My parents were nice enough to give me a good, unique name when I was born--there are a few Cole Strattons out there, but not a ton. There's a snowboarder in Colorado; a Daly City Firefighter; me--and now I'm a lead character in a romance novel by Susan Vaughan!

From Ms. Vaughan's website, the plot of Guarding Laura:

"Guarding Laura is the story of two former lovers who are the last people each wants to see. After witnessing a murder, museum curator Laura Rossiter hides under an assumed name at a Maine lake resort. Because the killer has terrorist connections, government officer Cole Stratton becomes her protector. Together they must trap a dangerous killer. How can Cole pretend to be the new lover of the woman who once broke his heart and left him to rot in jail? Laura must guard her resentment against him and the secret in her heart, but how can she when he's guarding her 24/7?"

I gotta pick up a copy...

May I suggest some further adventures for government officer Cole Stratton?

Protecting Penelope

"Disgraced government officer Cole Stratton takes refuge in Los Angeles after the woman he had sworn to protect was murdered under his watch. A slave to the bottle and painkillers, Cole scrapes by taking various one-off bodyguard jobs. When pseudo-famous actress Penelope Ann Miller becomes the target of an obsessed fan, Cole is hesitant to take the job--especially since he really hated The Gun in Betty Lou's Handbag. But as the two become close over a screening of Big Top Pee Wee, Cole realizes that there's more to Penelope than he bargained for--will his new found feelings cloud his judgment so much that he fails her when she needs him most?"

Bodyguarding Bernie

"The last thing corporate embezzler and womanizer Bernie Lomax expected one fateful weekend was to be murdered--but that wasn't going to stop him from partying. Government official Cole Stratton had inherited a series of ropes and pulleys from his late uncle, and was just trying to unload them on Craigslist when he was faced with an interesting proposition--help two schlubs make Bernie the life of the party for one weekend only for some quick, hard cash. But as Cole and Bernie become close over a screening of Big Top Pee Wee, Cole realizes that there's more to Bernie than he bargained for--will his new found feelings cloud his judgment so much that he fails him when he needs him most?"

Safeguarding Susan

"Government official Cole Stratton didn't realize what he was getting himself into that fateful day when he accidentally traveled through time in a customized Toyota Celica to 1869, and found himself at a National Women's Suffrage Association meeting. The target of a change-fearing sociopath, young Susan B. Anthony found herself fighting not only for the right to vote, but the right to stay alive. Stuck in the past, Cole agrees to protect her. After a discussion about the upcoming invention of film and the description of Big Top Pee Wee, Cole realizes there's more to Susan than he bargained for--will his new found feelings cloud his judgment so much that he fails her when she needs him most?"

Get to it, writers!

Arbor Day: The Movie (attention Hollywood!)

2010-02-18T16:01:00.000-08:00

With the success of the star-studded, mindless romcom Valentine's Day, might I pitch to you, almighty Hollywood, your next smash-hit? It puts VD's cast to shame! Check it out!

ARBOR DAY

The lives of many are turned-upside down on one very special Arbor Day...

Seattle, Washington (played by Vancouver, BC). A ruthless developer (Robert Duvall) and his two sons, Phil (Vince Vaughn) and Tommy (Jon Favreau) are moments away from chopping down several acres of forest to make way for a new vacation lodge. Phil's long-suffering girlfriend, Denise (Jessica Alba) is tired of his promises to settle down, and Tommy's wife, Veronica (Sarah Wynter) is frustrated by Tommy's blind devotion to his bully of a father. The owners of the to-be developed acreage, Gary and Shawnee (Tim Robbins and Sally Jesse Raphael) are so far behind on property taxes that they are forced to sell the land, and are unsure of their future. Add to the mix Gary's drunk of a father (NFL great Terry Bradshaw) and his kids from a previous marriage (Eddie Murphy, in multiple roles), and Gary's up against a wall. Fighting against the developer is a gang of woodland creatures, trying to save their home. They are led by a time-traveling otter (voiced by Will Arnett) who can't figure out how to get back to his Monterey Bay water home. There's a manic-depressive squirrel (Pauly Shore), a sassy owl (critic Pauline Kael), twin wiener dogs (Olympian Michael Phelps and musician Randy Newman), a wily fox (Matthew Lesko, the guy in the question-mark suit) and a big ol' grizzly bear (Shohreh Aghdashloo). With the help of Robert Twofeathers (Graham Greene), a wise Native American, the animals are ready to hold their own against the oncoming bulldozers. Meanwhile, the Lorax (Huey Lewis), official spokesman for the trees, pleads his case to a sympathetic official at City Hall (played by Daniel Day Lewis), who appeals to the planning commissioner (the Hamburgler), a flawed man with skeletons of his own. The commissioner sends in a band of environmental activists (Eddie Deezen, Dick Van Patten, Edward Furlong and Sigourney Weaver's Na'vi Avatar) to see if they can change the developer's mind. A local band, Freelance Bass (played by musicians Chris Cornell, Kelis, and two of the Presidents of the United States of America), decide to stage a fund-raising concert to save the land. A wealthy philanthropist (George Clooney), in town to visit his ex-wife (Sheena Easton), catches a few minutes of the band's set and is intrigued. As he crosses to compliment them, he is hit by a bus driven by haggard old Mr. Pryor (Sam Elliot). Shocked, the bus comes to a stop, and the passengers (Lisa Ling, Stephen Furst, Ronaldo, Terri Hatcher, Ray Park, Grape Ape, Timothy Busfield, Wiley Wiggins, Ms. Pac-Man, Harriet Tubman, Dustin Diamond, Brian Cranston, Mo Gaffney, Darryl Strawberry, Stephen Fry, Garth Brooks, Don Quixote, Loren Dean, Shannyn Sossamon, Berry Gordy, Catfish Hunter, Christopher McDonald, Mia Hamm, Geraldo Rivera, Winn-Dixie and The Goo-Goo Dolls) all rush to his aid. Is it too late to save the forest, on Arbor Day? Only one man knows...Zeus (Ian Ziering), has been watching from the heavens, unsure if he will intervene or not. His daughter, Athena (Markie Post) urges him to take action, while his son, Ares (Stephen J. Cannell), advises him to let it play out. Will all of these story lines come together in a satisfying way? You'll have to see it to find out!

Produced by Scott Rudin and the estate of F. Scott Fitzgerald. Written by Studs Terkel, based on the graphic novel by Aaron Sorkin and Arthur Ashe. Directed by Emilio Estevez. Music by Tangerine Dream featuring 50-Cent and Simon Lebon.

Make it happen, movie factories!

Weird Album Cover Art V: Assignment Miami Beach

2010-02-15T12:28:00.000-08:00

Time for more terrible, disturbing, weird, awful, FANTASTIC album cover art!

Yeah, we doin' thangs...like hibernating, mutha f@#%&!

No, grandma, I don't know where your doilies went...

OH GOD! IT'S THE KRAKEN! AND HE'S BLOND!

I was wondering who fathered the Blue Man Group...

Come backpacking with us! Si...you will return alive...er...

So I found these punk songs in the Crystal Cave. They attacked me, so I broke their arms backward. No good tunes had it comin'.

Hey guys! I've got it! You know how I've always said rock n' roll is an axe-wielding gibbon-headed sumo wrestler atop a hill of skulls avoiding low-flying aircraft? Have I got a sketch for you!

All I need is this ashtray, and this paddle ball, and my dog...it's all I need...

Hey you punk kids! This is my album cover! Stop testing your felt-tipped markers on it!

Yeah, you know where this flute is goin'...

E.T. might mean exercising together, but you need to be extra-terrestrial to float like that.

I doubt he'll seymour record sales...

Full title is "Lady's Fancy A Barf Bag."

It's Israel's best improv/prop-comic trio! Comedy Central is gonna put them on it to fill the void left by the Jeff Dunham "show."

No, but you can borrow scissors, a razor and some sleeves...

Yep, nothin' gets the ladies in the mood better than a tightly sung rendition of "Lyda Rose."

Unfortunately, Little David Wilkins ate all the remaining copies of his debut album.

From How Da Grinch Stole Crizz-nas by DJ Sooz!

I'm pretty sure that kid is signing "Please send help."

A fascinating world full of lap-sitting and gift-wishing.

VERY controversial campaign poster for Barbara Boxer.

That's Celebutainment! Part III!

2010-02-11T12:33:00.001-08:00

Yep, it's time for more celebrity gossip!*

AUTO-TUNED FETUS TO OPEN FOR JUSTIN BIEBER

Fifteen-year-old pop star hearthrob Justin Bieber announced today that a yet-unnamed fetus will be his opening act on a twenty-two city tour this summer. "Currently, he/she is only about 3 months old, so they haven't selected a name yet," said Bieber, "But, daaaaamn, it's, like, the schizznit." Tour technicians plan to use sonogram footage on the amphitheatre screens during the young artist's opening set, with a sensitive shure sm57 microphone on the expectant mother's belly. The fetus' first single, "Back Thiz Womb UP," drops next month.

SARAH PALIN TO WRITE NEW BOOK ON HAND

Part-time politician and full-time Russia-viewer Sarah Palin announced today that her new memoir, tentatively titled "Sarah Palin Could Have Been in Monty Python If Her Name Was Michael," will be entirely written on the back of her hand. "The best writers use whatever kind of thing they feel most comfortable writing on. I think Kerouac used an old Remington Rand typewriter, and, oh you know, look, there's a bear!" said Palin, in a statement issued from her Alaskan home. Currently, there are no plans by anyone to buy this book.

KOBE BRYANT SURPRISES SELF BY PASSING

NBA superstar Kobe Bryant shocked a full house at Staples Center Wednesday night when he dished the ball off to "teammate" Pau Gasol. Gasol, stunned, drop the ball and ran to the bench, the color draining from his face. The entire Minnesota Timberwolves team stopped playing defense, and officials seems noticeably disturbed. "I don't know what came over me," said Bryant. "They were quadruple-teaming me, and I had already dribbled around for about twenty seconds, and I spied, like, four yellow Lakers jerseys by themselves. I guess the ball just slipped out, or it's a full-moon, or something." Bryant plans to run a full-page ad in tomorrow's Los Angeles Times, apologizing to the organization and fans, and promising to never do it again. He finished with 102 points, in the Lakers 102-96 win.

JOHN MAYER'S PENIS TO ATTEND SENSITIVITY TRAINING SEMINAR

In an unusual turn of events, the self-proclaimed "white supremacist" celebrity penis of blues guitarist and "stand-up comedian" John Mayer has entered into a support group that teaches about appropriate behavior in the workplace and diversity. "Me hump anything that moves," said the penis, adding "Me been in many movie stars, and me be in many more. Why me discriminate? What, me no hump Halle Berry if possibility? What me thinking? Me equal-opportunity poker." Mayer plans to write an apology song, with lyrics, once sung, that will be impossible to understand.

JAY LENO BIGGER DICK THAN JOHN MAYER

Ten p.m. failure Jay Leno admitted to a packed press room at the Hollywood Hiatt Tuesday morning that every ten seconds, he buys a sports car and adds "ya know!" to the end of every joke he's ever written. "What can I say, it's just what I do. Hey, can I interview some of you on the street and make you look stupid so I can feel better about myself?" asked Leno, in a high-pitched squeal that sent all dogs scrambling from the hotel.

DIRK THE DARING COMES OUT ON NEW VH1 SURREAL WORLD

Popular animated video game character Dirk the Daring, the hero in the successful "Dragon's Lair" game, came out to his new celebrity housemates in the season premiere of the VH1's Surreal World. "I'm surprised you all didn't know," said a stunned Dirk, "Other knights wore dark chain mail, and I was simply ravishing in my red and gold tunic." Joining Dirk on the show are Levar Burton, the ghost of Falco, Scott Schwartz, Gandalf (the gray), the "Where's the Beef?" lady, Fievel Mousekewitz and Ann Magnuson.

DONALD TRUMP TO TRY OUT NEW CATCHPHRASE

Multi-bijillionaire Donald Trump announced today that he will be trying out a series of new catch phrases this season on his Celebrity Apprentice show. Said Trump: "I've had a ton of fun with, 'You're Fired,' but that ship has sailed, baby." New phrases rumored to be bandied about: "You're no longer in my employ," "Look, you've done a decent job here, but our synergy isn't there, ok, so don't make this any harder than it is," and "Up your nose with a rubber hose."

DENNIS HOPPER TO PLAY NORMAL PERSON IN NEW MOVIE

Kooky psychotic character actor Dennis Hopper is set to play John Henderson, a dental hygienist with absolutely no irregular tendencies, in the drama "D.D.S.," slated for production this spring. "I know, I know, this is going to be a tough one for me," said Hopper, taking a hit from a giant helium tank. "When I read the script, I was like, that's all good, but when does he make a coat out of a hooker, or dress up like Isabella Rossellini, or eat babies, or something? Then I realized this was going to take a lot of research on my part." Playing opposite of Hopper, as a psychotic transgendered serial killer, is reliable everyman John Ratzenberger.

CAPTAIN RON TO RECEIVE 3-D THEATRICAL RE-RELEASE

Beloved(?) 80's nautical comedy "Captain Ron" has been unearthed from the Hollywood Pictures vault and given a 3-D overhaul, helmed by "Avatar" creator James Cameron. Says Cameron: "When I first saw the script for the movie, I cautioned director Thom Eberhardt. I said, 'The technology isn't there yet, just wait for it,' but he didn't. Now I think we're finally there and can do this tale justice." The studio has announced a June 15th release date, which pits the picture against the 3-D re-release of "The Gun in Betty Lou's Handbag."

BARBARA WALTERS OWNS ELISABETH HASSELBECK'S SOUL

Those watching "The View" yesterday morning were treated to an unusual unscripted moment when, during an argument about same-sex marriage, Walters split open revealing a dark spectre, who rose toward the ceiling and pointed a long bony finger towards ex-Survivor and right-wing nut Hasselbeck. "I'll see you in Hell, Haaaaaaaaaselbeck!" it proclaimed, disappearing from the studio, leaving it's Walters shell behind, slumped on the floor. Order was quickly restored when quipster Whoopi Goldberg made a joke related to her Oscar turn in the hit film "Ghost."

*all gossip is a figment of my imagination, and not intended to be slanderous in any way. So lighten up, celebrities!

Ya know, it's just an honor to be nominated...

2010-02-05T15:26:00.000-08:00

This past Tuesday, the nominees for the 2010 Academy Awards were announced. Knee-deep in SF Sketchfest madness, I haven't had the time until now to really examine them--some surprises, some snubs, some head-scratchers...but who will go home with gold statuettes? My thoughts, category by category (save for technical categories and some of the smaller ones)...

BEST PICTURE

Avatar

The Blind Side

District 9

An Education

The Hurt Locker

Inglorious Basterds

Precious

A Serious Man

Up in the Air

WILL WIN: The Hurt Locker

SHOULD WIN: District 9

SNUBBED: Star Trek, Invictus

In order to include some big popcorn movies in addition to the usual arthouse fare, Oscar opened up the field to include 10 nominees instead of 5, a practice they used to do back in the early days of the ceremony. Very happy to see District 9 in there--Neil Blomkamp's original sci-fi thriller is deserving of some accolades. The Hurt Locker has a very good chance of pulling off the win, though I wouldn't be surprised if James Cameron's Avatar takes it, since it is now officially the highest grossing film of all time, just seven weeks into it's release. Moderately entertaining eye candy, Avatar is a technical marvel with a pretty bad script (does Cameron only have, like, 10 characters he just keeps recycling from film to film? Can Paul Reiser sue Giovani Ribisi for his copycat performance?) Surprised that Star Trek didn't get a nod, as it was popular with both audiences and critics alike. Biggest surprise here: The Blind Side. Middling reviews at best, it struck a chord with audiences but is considered to be a by-the-numbers manipulative heart-string tugger.

BEST DIRECTOR

Kathryn Bigelow; The Hurt Locker

Jason Reitman; Up in the Air

James Cameron; Avatar

Lee Daniels; Precious

Quentin Tarantino; Inglorious Basterds

WILL WIN: Kathryn Bigelow

SHOULD WIN: Kathryn Bigelow

SNUBBED: Clint Eastwood; Invictus, Neil Blomkamp; District 9

Kathryn Bigelow did an outstanding job with The Hurt Locker--she crafts one taught, thrilling scene after another and guides an outstanding cast. She's helmed a lot of underrated actioners in the past (Point Break, Blue Steel, Near Dark, Strange Days) and it's great that she is finally getting the recognition she deserves. I'm hoping that James Cameron doesn't take it--after all, he is responsible for his deplorable screenwriting.

BEST ACTOR

Jeff Bridges; Crazy Heart

George Clooney; Up in the Air

Colin Firth; A Single Man

Morgan Freeman; Invictus

Jeremy Renner; The Hurt Locker

WILL WIN: Jeff Bridges

SHOULD WIN: Jeremy Renner

SNUBBED: Sharlto Copley; District 9, Matt Damon; The Informant!

I confess, I haven't yet seen Crazy Heart, so it's hard for me to really pick Renner over Bridges, but Jeremy Renner was so fantastic in The Hurt Locker, it's hard to think of anyone eclipsing him. Freeman fully channeled Mandela in Invictus, but Oscar voters will probably feel he's been honored enough in the past. Look for Bridges to get that career-encompassing Oscar this year.

***NOTE: Went to a late showing of Crazy Heart last night, and holy lord, Bridges is good. He's such a dynamic, subtle actor, he inhabits the role of Bad Blake and you forget that behind the booze and country music is Bridges the actor. He's just as deserving as Renner.

BEST ACTRESS

Sandra Bullock; The Blind Side

Helen Mirren; The Last Station

Carey Mulligan; An Education

Gabourey Sidibe; Precious

Meryl Streep; Julie & Julia

WILL WIN: Sandra Bullock

SHOULD WIN: Carey Mulligan

SNUBBED: Melanie Laurent; Inglorious Basterds

Ok, even though I saw 50 movies released this year, I didn't see ANY of the above. I have screener copies of An Education, Precious and Julie & Julia awaiting me (thanks SAG!), but haven't had the chance to view them yet. I guess I really can't have a "should win" since I have nothing to base it on, but the few clips I've seen of Carey Mulligan are winning. I'll revise this section once I've viewed everything...

***Note: Last night, I watched An Education--and Mulligan was seriously fantastic, so I'll stick with her as my should win pick.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR

Matt Damon; Invictus

Woody Harrelson; The Messenger

Christopher Plummer; The Last Station

Stanley Tucci; The Lovely Bones

Christoph Waltz; Inglorious Basterds

WILL WIN: Christoph Waltz

SHOULD WIN: Christoph Waltz

SNUBBED: Anthony Mackie; The Hurt Locker, Alfred Molina; An Education

Mackie matched Renner's intensity in The Hurt Locker, it's appalling that he didn't get nominated. I really like Matt Damon a lot, but I thought his performance was kinda quiet and one note in Invictus, whereas his tremendous work in The Informant! went unnoticed. Nice to see Plummer get a nod (he's never been nominated before), but from what I've heard, The Last Station is one of those over dramatic period pieces that give period pieces a bad name. Waltz was the best thing about Inglorious Basterds, and is deserving of the award--you can't take your eyes off of him whenever he is on screen.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

Penelope Cruz; Nine

Vera Farmiga; Up in the Air

Maggie Gyllenhaal; Crazy Heart

Anna Kendrick; Up in the Air

Mo'nique; Precious

WILL WIN: Mo'nique

SHOULD WIN: Mo'nique

SNUBBED: Diane Kruger; Inglorious Basterds

Granted, I haven't seen Precious, but Mo'nique is incredible in every clip I've seen. Farmiga was the best thing about Up in the Air, and would be deserving of the award in any other year, but Mo'nique is the closest thing to a lock we have this year. Kendrick was serviceable in Up in the Air, but a few moments rang false (her "crying" scene after her boyfriend breaks up with her, for one). Penelope Cruz? REALLY? Nine was savaged by critics, and I'm sorry, but half the time I have no idea what she is saying.

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE

Coraline

Fantastic Mr. Fox

The Princess and the Frog

The Secret of Kells

WILL WIN: Up

SHOULD WIN: Fantastic Mr. Fox or Coraline

SNUBBED: 9; Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs

What an amazing year for animation! Up was another outstanding Pixar entry (the ten minute romance montage at the top is one of the best pieces of filmmaking of the year, period), but it came in third in my book, behind Wes Anderson's delightful Mr. Fox and the Henry Selick/Neil Gaiman stop-motion masterpiece Coraline. It was also nice to see Disney return to hand-drawn animation with The Princess and the Frog, which may have only been so-so overall, but looked great, nonetheless.

FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM

Ajami (Israel)

The Milk of Sorrow (Peru)

Un Prophete (France)

El Secreto de Sus Ojos (Argentina)

The White Ribbon (Germany)

WILL/SHOULD WIN: The White Ribbon

The White Ribbon, directed by Michael Haneke (who did the great Cache), already won the Palm D'or at Cannes and will mostly collect the award come Oscar night.

ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY

Mark Boal; The Hurt Locker

Quentin Tarantino; Inglorious Basterds

Alessandro Camon and Oren Moverman; The Messenger

Joel Coen and Ethan Coen; A Serious Man

Bob Peterson, Pete Docter, Tom McCarthy; Up

WILL WIN: The Hurt Locker

SHOULD WIN: The Hurt Locker

SNUBBED: Scott Neustadter & Michael H. Weber; (500) Days of Summer

The Hurt Locker is ripe with intense imagery, speeches and surprising twists and turns, and gave the actors a lot of work with. I'm surprised (500) Days of Summer was left off this list--it was a refreshing, original take on the rom com (though rang a bit too precious with some).

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY

Neill Blomkamp and Terri Tatchell; District 9

Nick Hornby; An Education

Jesse Armstrong, Simon Blackwell, Armando Iannucci, Tony Roche; In the Loop

Geoffrey Fletcher; Precious

Jason Reitman and Sheldon Turner; Up in the Air

WILL WIN: Up in the Air

SHOULD WIN: Up in the Air

SNUBBED: Wes Anderson; Fantastic Mr. Fox

Up in the Air is a throwback to the screwball comedies of Preston Sturges, with a bit of Capra thrown in--this film has the chance to become a classic, a time capsule of the uncertain economic times we live in. Anderson's Mr. Fox was a delightful, fun adaptation of Roald Dahl's short story, and very much belongs on this list.

CINEMATOGRAPHY

Avatar

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

The Hurt Locker

Inglorious Basterds

The White Ribbon

WILL WIN: Avatar

SHOULD WIN: Avatar

SNUBBED: Star Trek; District 9; Where the Wild Things Are

Cameron's big blue pic should win this and most technical awards, which is why I won't detail any of the rest of them. Spike Jonz' Wild Things, though a bit of a disappointment, still looked amazing, and should have been nominated.

Good luck to all of the nominess--remember, it's an honor to be nominated!*

*ok, it's kinda bullshit to say that, I know...

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...at the movies

2010-01-26T00:52:00.000-08:00

2009 has come and gone--and 2010 has already thrown some terrible, terrible movies at us (The Book of Eli, I'm looking at you!). Will it shape up at the cineplex, or are we doomed? Last year's offerings were a mixed bag--let's reach into that bag and see what we pull out, shall we?

Best Popcorn Movie

District 9

Neil Blomkamp's dizzying sci-fi shoot-em-up was one of the most kick-ass, original films in years. The pseudo-doc style matched with first-person shooter action, believable acting and some of the best use of CGI ever made this one a hypnotic bloody masterpiece.

Worst Popcorn Movie

Transformers 2

Where does one start? Robots with balls. A joisey 'bot that humps Megan Fox's leg. Megan Fox. Shia LeBeouf, er Labouf, er the kid from Holes pointing and going "no no no no no no no no!" a lot. Jive talking robots with gold teeth that "aren't much for reading?" Really, Michael Bay? That kind of racist--excuse me, Baycist--film making is just awful. One wishes his funding would be cut as quickly as his shots are.

Best Popcorn

The stuff I make at home in an air popper--a little butter, salt and some rosemary. Seriously, it's awesome.

Best 10 minutes of any movie this year, period

The romantic montage at the beginning of Pixar's Up. If you don't shed a tear at this, you aren't human. You're most likely a balled, jive-talking robot that humps Megan Fox's appendages.

Worst 10 minutes of any movie this year, period

Feel free to pick any ten minute segment from He's Just Not That Into You. I would be more into stabbing myself in the face than watching that again.

Best franchise reboot

Star Trek

Despite the sheer number of irritating lens flares, J.J. Abrams seriously nailed it. I'm a bit of a Trekkie (yes...Trekkie. I'm not a snobby "Trekker"), and I enjoyed the hell out of this thing. The alternate time line was a thing of genius. I only wish Eric Bana's villain had been a bit more interesting...

Worst franchise, to boot

Twilight: New Moon

No, I didn't see it. The sheer fact that it exists is about as upsetting as jive-talking robots who--well, you get the point. I despised the first film (vampires who sparkle and play thunder baseball!), and now they've added werewolves that can transform in a second! None of that pesky "Lock me up! Lock me up! Don't let me out, whatever you do!" stuff of standard wolfman fare. Nope, just a little "jump in the air, come down as a wolf, then transform back into a shirtless teen who can wield a bo-staff impressively on talk shows" instead.

Best Art House Movie

The Hurt Locker

Kathryn Bigelow should win the Oscar for Best Director for this tense, harrowing depiction of a bomb squad unit and the adrenalin high that comes from diffusing live explosives. Jeremy Renner and Anthony Mackie are outstanding. Big celebs show up to get blown up or shot. And Evangeline Lilly shows up and does nothing!

Worst Art House Movie

Anything with period costumes in it and a run time over 2 hours. (I just can't do it, people. I'm sorry!)

Art House Movie I really, really, really wanted to see but haven't yet, but damnit, I promise I will as soon as I get back to Los Angeles in February after my festival ends

Moon

Worst line in a movie preview

"You're changing that boy's life."

"No...he's changing mine."

Worst movie preview

Leap Year

Pay 10 bucks to come see if she jilts her old lover at the airport in favor of her new lover, since that's pretty much ALL we didn't show you in the preview!

Scratch that--WORST movie preview

The Ugly Truth

Katherine Heigl *shiver*

Best whimsical performance by an ensemble of stop-motion animated woodland creatures to the backdrop of 60's Brit rock

The Fantastic Mr. Fox

This is probably my favorite Wes Anderson movie--his tone and aesthetic was the perfect match for Roald Dahl's story. If there's any justice, it'll become a family classic.

Best use of music that isn't actually appropriate for the time period it is used in

Pirate Radio

The majority of the hits used in Richard Curtis' ensemble comedy came out well after the events it's portraying...but they still sound great!

Worst movie to watch on an airplane other than Transformers 2

Imagine That

Thanks SO much, United, for giving us no other film options. I was really, really in the mood for one of those movies about a magical blanket with a direct line to princesses who give stock tips.

Best Documentary

Anvil: The Story of Anvil

Inspiring and sad at the same time, this doc follows Canadian metal band Anvil and their fall from pseudo fame to catering and back up to pseudo fame again. Netflix it. Trust me.

Cutest little romantic movie that's almost too precious for it's own good

(500) Days of Summer

It's so twee it makes Stuart Murdoch look like Jason Statham.

Best AND Worst movie title, all in one

Donkey Punch

Best animated film that adults will think is too scary for kids, but that kids will be unfazed by and love

Coraline

Henry Selick is a master animator, and Neil Gaiman is a master storyteller. You do the math.

Best movie where giant blue creatures can use their hair usb adapters to plug into horses and trees

TIE: Avatar and Paul Blart: Mall Cop

Worst Paul Reiser imitation

Giovanni Ribisi in Avatar

Weirdest movie to come out at Thanksgiving

Ninja Assassin

The billboard read "Ninja Assassin Thanksgiving." Would you pass the gravy boat, white shadow?

Weirdest use of eye makeup in a movie preview

Seth Green in Old Dogs

Movie that couldn't possibly be as good as the preview, and wasn't

Where The Wild Things Are

Best Cameo in a Movie

You-know-who in Zombieland

Movie that's release date got pushed back so many times that I've seen the trailer so frequently that I personally want want to torch every reel of it

Shutter Island

OPEN ALREADY!

Film most in need of "Tyler Perry's" in front of the title

TIE:

Tyler Perry's Taking Woodstock

Tyler Perry's Inglorious Basterds

Best Genre Exercise

A Perfect Getaway

David Twohy's meta thriller is good fun--it toys with conventions so much it's a delight to follow, and Timothy Olyphant is better than he's ever been.

Most disappointing comedy

Extract

I had such high expectations of Mike Judge's latest film that I was sad that I hardly cracked a smile during it's run time. Maybe it will come alive on a second viewing...

Most surprisingly enjoyable romcom

The Proposal

Who knew that Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock would have such good chemistry, and that Oscar Nunez would steal every scene he was in?

Best trend

High quality animated features. With Up, Coraline and Fantastic Mr. Fox all excelling in the genre, and Princess and the Frog ushering in the return of lush hand-drawn animation, it was a killer year for toons.

Worst trend

Overpriced 3D and fake IMAX screens. It's a serious bummer to pay $15+ to see crap like Monsters Vs. Aliens on a supposed "IMAX" screen that's only a tiny bit bigger than the rest of the auditoriums.

Movie with the most jaw-dropping "SERIOUSLY?" moments

Transformers 2

I mean, one of the robots HAS A GOLD TOOTH. 'Cuz autobots need teeth. It's worst than nipples on the batsuit, people.

It's late, and I can't rally against Transformers 2 any longer. I mean, I can, but...well, hope you enjoyed this. Feel free to leave some comments about your favorite and most hated films of the year!

EXCLUSIVE Interview: Television vet Brainy Smurf!

2010-01-14T10:35:00.000-08:00

It was a crisp morning in San Francisco and I sipped on a hot cider as I waited for my guest inside beatnik bar Vesuvio. He was running late, and as he shuffled in the door it was clear that time hadn't been kind--his coke-bottle glasses slipping down, his tattered white hat now more the color of an eggshell, now more miniature then ever. A bit of a hermit since leaving Smurf Village, Brainy put down his text books and turned to prose--rambling, quixotic narratives that have launched Brainy into the literary spotlight.

Cole Stratton: Thanks for taking the time, Brainy.

Brainy Smurf: No problem. I'm a big fan of the blog.

CS: Really?

BS: (pause) Um, no, not really. I've never read it. My publicist just told me about it, and, well, you know.

CS: Right. Well, regardless, thanks.

BS: Sure.

CS: We're gonna spend some time talking about your writing, I promise, but do you mind if we talk a little about your time in Smurf Village?

BS: I'll be honest, it's not my favorite subject. But I've resigned myself to the fact that that's what people want to talk about, to know about. So...yes, but, well, ok, so...go ahead.

CS: Some have labeled you a tattle tale, a rat. Do you feel that's an unfair assessment?

BS: Of course I do! Is it so bad to go by the book, to play by the rules? People seem to forget that there was the constant threat of a maniacal madman who wanted to capture us and melt us into gold. HE THOUGHT HE COULD MELT US INTO GOLD. We're small blue creatures, not bouillon. They all wanted to take so many unnecessary risks. It's just dumb. Not too long ago Hefty cut his smurfing thumb off on a table saw 'cuz he didn't have the safety shield in place. And I'M the jerk here? I'm all thumbs.

CS: That's not what you think it means.

BS: I know that, I was being funny.

CS: Sorry, you're kind of hard to read.

BS: Papa Smurf always said I was funny, but nobody really listened.

CS: You like to quote Papa Smurf a lot.

BS: Well, yeah. He was our leader. He was my father. He was all of our fathers. He just kind of always knew what to say, he knew what do. That smurf was wise, kind. I miss him. When I was little I used to curl up next to him and stroke his big white beard and fall asleep.

CS: What was your relationship like with Smurfette?

BS: We didn't really understand each other. She...she wasn't all that bright. I mean, she was created by Gargamel to try to trap us. I think it's weird that we even responded to her in the first place, with us being unisexual and all. We didn't even know we had...desires. All that attention...I don't think she could deal with it after a while. That's a lot of pressure. Everyone was in love with her. Lazy, Handy, Reporter, Clumsy, Harmony, Dreamy, everyone but Vanity Smurf, really. She used to be a brunette, you know. Papa changed her hair color when he changed her nature. That says something.

CS: Were you shocked when she passed away?

BS: Yes, and no. We all were, but I can't say that I didn't see it coming. She had been eating magic mushrooms for years, but she kept upping the dosage. It's just tragic. She's the only woman we've ever known, or will ever know.

CS: Have you had a hard time adjusting to the human world?

BS: It's smurfing tough out here! Do you have any idea how many people discriminate against little blue people? I nearly get stepped on everywhere I go, I can't hold down a job--that's where the writing comes in.

CS: What other jobs did you have before you were published?

BS: Oh, good smurf, I've tried them all. I waited tables at Olive Garden, where you ARE NOT family, by the way, I had a paper route but couldn't lift the Sunday edition. I wrote for a while on According to Jim, but couldn't live with myself. Jim Belushi can suck my left smurf.

CS: Any thoughts on Blue Man Group?

BS: I don't doubt their talent, but, smurf, rip us off much? I figured I could at least get a job in touring production, but they are firm about the Blue Men being between 5'10" and 6'1", so that smurfed me there.

CS: Johan and Peewee...is that when you jumped the shark?

BS: Jumped the shark?

CS: Yeah...it's a term that was invented on Happy Days when Fonzi jumped a shark on his motorcycle, and the show was never the same.

BS: Oh smurf I hate Fonzi Smurf, it's all about HIM when it should be about Richie Smurf, and--

CS: Johan and Peewee?

BS: Yeah, those guys kind of bugged. I mean, Peewee always carried a lute with him. Who does that? And we'd be in the middle of a discussion about an Azreal sighting, or something, and he'd just start playing a lute solo for like ten minutes. It's like, "Hello? What the smurf are you doing? We're talking here, smurfhole!" and he'd just keep lute'n up a storm. Peewee had a Napoleon Complex, and yet he was several feet taller than us. Jerk.

CS: Your first book, A Smurfing Smurf Amongst Smurfs, has garnered a lot of praise, and a little head-scratching. Did you think it was going to be as challenging a read as it's turned out to be?

BS: I just write what I feel, what jumps into my head. I think it's more interesting that way. I'm not as concerned with narrative structure, or trying to work in a tight three act thing, or whatever. I just write. Editor Smurf wanted to take a stab at condensing it, but I wouldn't let him. They are MY smurfing words!

CS: I understand that. I noticed that the book was dedicted "For PS...you always said to follows my dreams."

BS: It's always been for Papa Smurf. Everything I do. One day, maybe I'll be a Papa Smurf myself, if science can figure out our whole reproduction thing. I don't know how much time I have left on this plane, ya know? If I can't create life, I can create words.

Brainy apologized again for being late, and excused himself to run to another appointment. It was the last interview he would give...as he was run over later that afternoon by a Hyde Street Cable Car. His words live on...

Yup...ROAD TRIP!

2010-01-10T23:16:00.000-08:00

It's time to hit the road and head up to San Francisco for SF Sketchfest--with Janet Varney in tow, we've got a craaaa-zy day ahead of us!

7:30 am: Pick up JV at her palatial estate. See what else she has recently gotten gold-plated. Show her new Speidel watch with the twistoflex band and say "Ahh? Ahh???"

8:05 am: First gas-up of the day. Buy snacks. Me: Mountain Dew, Watermelon Airheads, Pack of '86 Donruss USA Baseball Cards (for the gum), Gummy Beverly D'Angelos, So-Cool-They've-Ceased-To-Be-Cool-Long-Enough-To-Once-Again-Be-Cool Ranch Doritos. Her: Bottled water, turkey jerky.

8:20 am: Merge onto I-5 North.

9:15 am: Finish merge.

9:47 am: Drive up into the grapevine. Constantly query, "Don't you know that I heard it through here?" Be reminded of the California Raisins, sigh wistfully talking about Will Vinton animation.

10:25 am: Six degrees of Kevin Bacon. Nearly destroy the universe connecting Isaac Newton with Freddie Prinze, Jr.

10:40 am: Slug bug! (Not the car, an actual slug that had crawled inside my jean jacket. Get it off of me! Get it off!...not the slug, the jean jacket! This isn't 1986!)

11:17 am: Bathroom stop. Mountain Dew happy to return to urinal where it is bottled.

12:24 pm: Lunch stop in luxurious Kettleman City, CA. Remark on how wonderful it must be to be a Kettle Man, going door to door, city to city, just selling those lovely kettles. Tea must always be on somewhere. Order through the In-N-Out drive thru, off the menu--ask for a "Punxsutawney Phil, Double Flipped Animal Style with Flair." Be served a boot covered in Thousand Island.

12:52 pm: Back on the road. Ultra serious sing-a-long to the entire catalog of Bruce Hornsby and the Range. Wonder if The Range ever put out albums sans Hornsby.

1:31 pm: Twenty minute game of "Holy shit, DO NOT smell anything right now" whilst driving through Coalinga.

2:12 pm: Second bathroom stop of the day. In and Out Burger, indeed. (Sorry.)

2:43 pm: An enthusiastic wave towards Anderson's Pea Soup. Janet stares at a little kid in the lane next to us, and swears "If this little bastard doesn't avert his gaze soon, I'm gonna go all medusa on his ass." Ask Janet to put hair snakes away.

3:17 pm: Second gas-up. There is a child-like stone statue in the car next to us.

4:12 pm: Altamont pass. Tell story about being at that Stones concert, man. Remember that you aren't nearly old enough, and instead tell story about Tone Loc entering from a giant Corona bottle at Club MTV Live in Junior High School.

4:48 pm: Approaching the toll plaza at the Bay Bridge.

5:15 pm: Approaching the toll plaza at the Bay Bridge.

5:58 pm: Approaching the...oh, pay toll.

6:03 pm: Rousing rendition of "San Francisco! Open your Golden Gates!" Get furious when Golden Gates stay closed.

6:20 pm: Pull up to hotel. Realize it's the same hotel Kermit and the gang stayed at in The Great Muppet Caper, only this one isn't called Happiness. Ask for room with a view...to a kill. Argue with desk clerk that Roger Moore was the best bond, even though neither of us believe it. Clerk makes compelling case for George Lazenby. Who knew?

Thus begins my adventure in San Francisco, and three crazy weeks of SF Sketchfest, the San Francisco Comedy Festival. Won't you come see a show?

So wait...there's no commercial to book, then?!

2010-01-06T13:42:00.000-08:00

Leave it to an actor/improviser to put together a fake audition to propose to his actress girlfriend--that's exactly what Michael Terry did. Check out the video of this adorable proposal...and fake Kay Jewelers commercial audition!

The 50 best films of the decade (and by best I mean my favorite...)

2009-12-27T00:58:00.000-08:00

The 'oughts were a pretty great decade for cinema--in both the art houses and the popcorn multiplex fluff. We had the debut of some new franchises (The Bourne films, the Lord of the Rings flicks, and comic books like Spider-Man, X-Men and Iron Man) and the reboot of some old (like Daniel Craig's blond, gritty Bond). When I sat down to try to make sense of it all and put my top fifty list together, it was far more difficult than I thought. A lot of the critically-acclaimed Oscar bait slid off of it in favor of lesser-known or dismissed films that I found myself returning to again and again. If I've watched something three or four times, doesn't that, in a sense, make it better than a film I saw once, thought was pretty good, but never felt like screening again? Some of the movies here ARE challenging, but continue to rattle around in my head. Others are goofy or "slight," but I can't stop introducing friends to them or watching in their entirety when they show up on cable. So there's bound to be some "WTF?" moments when you read this--but consider the fact that even though they all don't have a run time of 180 minutes and/or deal with "serious" issues, they all excel at the genres they appear in.

Also, keep in mind I do see A LOT of movies, but not all of them--acclaimed pictures like Zodiac, Letters from Iwo Jima, and 4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days have yet to be viewed (but I'm planning on it!) so I can't rank 'em.

So let's get to it....oh, and these are in order!

1. CHILDREN OF MEN (2006)

Breathtaking, engrossing, exhilarating and depressing, this is director Alfonso Cuaron's masterpiece. It's the year 2027, and the human race has lost the ability to procreate and faces extinction. Clive Owen makes the perfect anti-hero as Theo Faron, a bitter, former-activist who reluctantly agrees to transport a miraculously pregnant woman to a far-off sanctuary. What follows is a harrowing, intense journey of survival, with a handful of bravura setpieces, including the most nail-biting SLOW car chase ever and a nearly twenty minute single tracking shot through a hellish battleground. This is one of those movies that got mixed reviews upon its release, but time will show it's true brilliance (and I'm sure I'm not the only one who picked it as one of the top films of the last ten years). The cast excells (Owen, Julianne Moore, Danny Huston, Michael Caine), but it's Cuaron's storytelling and command of the narrative that make this one unforgettable.

2. KISS KISS BANG BANG (2005)

Shane "Lethal Weapon" Black scripted and director this superb send-up of the buddy cop/detective genre, with career performances from Val Kilmer and Robert Downey Jr. Downey plays Harry Lockhart, the unreliable narrator of the tale, who stumbles into an audition after a botched robbery attempt and lands a role. He meets ace detective Gay Perry (Kilmer), who Harry tags along with to research his part. Soon they find themselves in the middle of a Chandler-esque murder mystery, packed full of laughs and twists. The dialogue crackles ("Uh, I'm retired. I invented dice when I was a kid") and the chemistry between Kilmer and Downey is top-notch. This is one of those movies that I walked out of completed jazzed, and have watched at least a half a dozen times since.

3. IN BRUGES (2008)

Playwright Martin McDonagh (The Pillow Man) wrote and directed this darkly comic, violent action/comedy that features the best work that Colin Farrell has ever done on screen. He plays Ray, a cocky young hit man who, after a botched first job with a tragic ending, is ordered to wait until things calm down in the picturesque Belgium storybook town, Bruges. Ray finds it boring (except for a film crew "...filming midgets!"); his partner, the experienced, calm Ken (Brendan Gleeson, amazing as always) finds it relaxing. When their boss, the ultra-tanned, sadistic Harry (Ralph Fiennes, wonderfully menacing) wants Ray dead, Ken wrestles with the awful job and the consequences should he not carry out his order. An incredibly satisfying film, it gets richer with repeat viewings, and has several unforgettable moments ("Bottle!"). Not for everyone, but if you can get into the dark tone of the piece you'll be blown away.

4. ONCE (2006)

The fact that this film even exists is a victory to me--I've long since been a fan of the band The Frames, and frontman Glen Hansard is the star of this charming little indie-that-could. The simple, almost documentary approach of director and former Frames bassist John Carney is perfect for this chronicle of two musicians who fall in love through their music, though nothing is tied up in a pretty bow. The sequence in which Hansard and Marketa Irglova play "Falling Slowly" in a music store is magical, as is the moment when their band of buskers record their first song in the studio and make a believer out of their engineer.

5. CITY OF GOD (Cidade de Deus) (2002)

Fernando Meirelles' chronicle of life in a Rio De Janeiro slum is filmmaking at its best--it follows two best friends and their radically different development on the hard streets--one becomes a photojournalist, the other a drug dealer. The violence is realistic and brutal--a sequence in which a young boy shoots another to initiate himself into a gang is jaw-dropping, but the film has a vibrant urgency to it that grabs you and never lets you go. It spends time fleshing out the characters and their struggle for power and survival, and you really feel immersed in the culture. Meirelles shoots it with an incredible eye, and, despite its lengthy run-time, sucks you in and appears to fly by.

6. HOT FUZZ (2007)

Most would probably rank Shaun of the Dead ahead of this, but my general disdain for the zombie genre and appreciation for the action films that it lovingly dismantles make this the one that I prefer. Simon Pegg stars as Nicholas Angel, a hot-shot by-the-books London policeman who is transferred to sleepy hamlet Sanford since he is making the others in his precinct look bad. Things are done super casually in Sanford--the chief of police (Jim Broadbent) even lets his drunken cop son Danny (Nick Frost) sleep off benders in a jail cell. When a series of murders start occuring, its up to Angel and Danny to bring the killer to justice before he adds them to his list of victims. The direction by Edgar Wright is right on--he amps up the camera tricks, slick editing and firepower to beautifully mimic the bloated actioners that it casually references throughout (like Michael Bay's Bad Boys II and Kathryn Bigelow's Point Break). The film is tremendously entertaining, and perfectly constructed.

7. DONNIE DARKO (2001)

The first, and probably only good, movie by writer/director Richard Kelly is this oddball, moody masterpiece that has garnered a huge cult following in the years since it's release. Jake Gyllenhaal plays the title character, who is convinced he is going to die after seeing visions of a large bunny rabbit, who urges him to do bad things. The plot matters little--it's the haunting, unsettling scenes that stay with you as Donnie delves into his darker side. All the details are perfectly nuanced, and the music is used to great effect, particularly Gary Jules' slow cover of Tears for Fears' "Mad World" and Echo and the Bunnymen's "The Killing Moon."

8. HIGH FIDELITY (2000)

This movie would be glad that I am making lists, though it would prefer it if it was just top 5. Stephen Frears directed this great look at a guy (here played by John Cusack) reassessing his past relationships after his current one (with newcomer Iben Hjejle) falls apart. It also examines how music shapes our lives--the movie is like one great big mixtape. Jack Black broke through to the mainstream with his amped record store employee Barry, and Tim Robbins is hilarious as a slick, new-agey new beau ("Get your patchouli stink out of my store!"). And, like the early records of The Velvet Underground or the Beta Band EPs, it holds up beautifully.

9. MEMENTO (2000)

The film that put Christopher Nolan on the map, it's the ingenious narrative structure (starting with the ending and working backwards) that made this thriller unforgettable, coupled with great performances from Guy Pearce, Carrie-Anne Moss and Joe Pantoliano. Pearce plays Leonard, an amnesiac who tattoos clues all over his body to help him try and find the man he thinks killed his wife. Fantastic stuff.

10. THE STATION AGENT (2003)

The light, whimsical touch of director Thomas McCarthy (who went on to director the fantastic The Visitor) is super evident in this enchanting little movie. Finn (Peter Dinklage, one of the best actors working today) inherits a train station in rural New Jersey, and goes there to find some solitude...only to find himself befriended by a struggling artist (Patricia Clarkson) and a charismatic hot dog vender (Bobby Canavale). Through these unlikely friendships, Finn learns to open up and let others in, and begins a romance with Emily (Michelle Williams). The tone is so earnest and perfect, and the performances from the four leads are pitch perfect.

11. TELL NO ONE (Ne le Dis a Personne) (2006)

Based on a book by Harlan Coben, this french thriller is magnificent. Francois Cluzet stars at Alexandre Beck, a pediatrician whose wife, Margot, was murdered eight years prior. A suspect himself, Beck desperately misses his lost love, until one day he receives a mysterious email--showing Margot alive and well. What follows his part Hitchcock, part The Fugitive, as Beck goes on the run from the police and tries to reconnect with Margot. Smart, scary and nail-bitting, Cluzet is phenomenal, particularly in a sequence recalling a special concert they once enjoyed together. A remake is already in the works, so seek this one out before that one hits multiplexes.

12. THE INCREDIBLES (2004)

Most would list Finding Nemo or Wall-E before this one, but of all of Pixar's amazing achievements over the decade, this is the one that entertains me the most. A hilarious super-hero sendup that works as both a family comedy and thrilling action spectacle, Brad Bird got all of the details right, from the chiseled Mr. Incredible (Craig T. Nelson), to the gadget/costumer Edna Mole (voiced by Bird).

13. NAPOLEON DYNAMITE (2004)

Before this one became oversaturated (it seemed everyone had a Napoleon impression, to add to their annoying arsenal of Austin Powers and Borat quips), it was one of the funniest, oddest, most endearing character studies of the decade. I saw it as part of the US Comedy Arts Festival in Aspen, Colorado, and immediately fell in love with it, seeing it again at a sneak screening and again over it's opening weekend. Although writer/director Jared Hess hasn't been able to capture the tone in his other films (Nacho Libre and Gentlemen Broncos), his debut remains one of the most entertaining films of the last ten years.

14. DISTRICT 9 (2009)

Neil Blomkamp's terrific sci-fi actioner is one of the most original movies in years--from it's semi-documentary feel, to the improvised dialogue (largely by Sharlto Copley, who stars as Wickus, the government agent in charge of relocating the "prawns" to the militarized ghetto of the title) and the exceptional CGI used to create the aliens, it seemed to come out of nowhere to score with both critics and audiences. Watching this, it's a shame that the studios who originally had Blomkamp attached to direct a film version of Halo screwed it up so bad, as he would have made an incredible film of it.

15. ALMOST FAMOUS (2000)

Cameron Crowe's largely autobiographical account of a young aspiring journalist's experience with the ficticious rock back Stillwater is a poignant, funny, coming-of-age and rock n' roll picture. Patrick Fugit aces the roll, and the supporting cast (Kate Hudson, Jason Lee, Billy Crudup, Frances McDormand, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Zooey Deschanel) all hit the right notes. It all feels authentic, thanks to Crowe's brilliant writing and use of music.

16. RABBIT-PROOF FENCE (2002)

Phillip Noyce directed this stirring, jaw-dropping chronicle of three young aboriginal girls who escape from a gulag they were sent to by the Australian government (who took half-caste children from their mothers and sent them into a life of indentured servitude) and make a daring 1500 mile journey across the Outback. A true story, it's a testament to the human spirit that these three battled great odds and persevered. The great score by Peter Gabriel enhances their amazing journey.

17. YOUNG @ HEART (2007)

One of the most inspiring, touching and sweet-natured documentaries of all time, it follows Massachusetts' Young at Heart choir, unique in that the choir of seniors cover music from the likes of Sonic Youth, Coldplay and James Brown. We meet some extraordinary people (and lose a few along the way), whose love of music and life bring a smile (and some tears) to the faces of all they come in contact with. The scene in which the choir performs in a maximum-security prison and reach out to some truly hardened men is unforgettable.

18. BEST IN SHOW (2000)

On the heels of Christopher Guest's outstanding mockumentary Waiting For Guffman came this crowd-pleasing look at the Westminster Dog Show and the quirky characters that own the pups. Guest's ensemble couldn't be any better (Michael McKean, John Michael Higgins, Parker Posey, Michael Hitchcock, Catherine O'Hara, Eugene Levy, Don Lake, Ed Begley, Jr. and Larry Miller), with true breakout performances from Jane Lynch and Jennifer Coolidge.

19. DIRTY PRETTY THINGS (2002)

Stephen Frears directed this haunting drama, which served to introduce audiences to the terrific Chiwetel Ejiofor, who stars as Okwe, an illegal Nigerian immigrant who works in a London Hotel, and, along with Turkish immigrant Sophie (Audrey Tautou), discovers that all sorts of illegal activities are going on within it's walls. It's a brilliant chronicling of the struggle these two face in wanting to do the right thing, but not risk deportation. Plus, Sergi Lopez is as scary a portrait of evil as you are likely to see in a film.

20. GHOST WORLD (2001)

Terry Zwigoff's adaptation of Daniel Clowes' graphic novels is quirky, brilliant fun, with unforgettable characters, like Enid and Rebecca (Thora Birch and Scarlett Johansson) and sad-sack Seymour (Steve Buscemi), who is the heart of the film. It's a witty and fascinating character study.

21. THE BOURNE SUPREMACY (2004)

All of the Bourne films are superb spy films, exhilarating in their action sequences that skew more realistic and visceral than those in, say, the Bond series. Where Doug Liman directed with a bit more camera trickery, Paul Greengrass (Blood Sunday) took to hand-held photography, adding a combustible immediacy to the proceedings. Bourne works so well because he doesn't seem super human--just a well-trained operative struggling to stay alive.

22. GEORGE WASHINGTON (2000)

Exceptional debut from David Gordon Green (The Pineapple Express, Snow Angels) is a subtle, sublime portrait of southern small-town life, following for young friends who have to cover-up a tragic accident and are never the same. There is much more going on than the simplistic approach and story line would have you believe, and you'll find yourself thinking about this one long after the viewing is complete.

23. CORALINE (2009)

2009 was an exceptional year for animation, giving us Fantastic Mr. Fox, Up, 9, and this gem, based on Neil Gaiman's novel. Creepy and fascinating, it's an imaginative head-trip that works for both children and adults alike. The stop-motion animation from Henry Selick (The Nightmare Before Christmas) is beautiful. You won't be able to take your eyes off of it.

24. GOOD NIGHT, AND GOOD LUCK (2005)

George Clooney made his directorial debut with this phenomenal study of Edward R. Murrow and his battle with Joseph McCarthy. David Strathairn gives the performance of a lifetime as Murrow, and he's surrounded by brilliant character actors, including Jeff Daniels, Ray Wise, Reed Diamond, Patricia Clarkson, Robert Downey, Jr. and Clooney himself. Shot wisely in black and white, it perfectly captures the era.

25. FANTASTIC MR. FOX (2009)

Wes Anderson and stop-motion animation are a match made in heaven. Anderson's twee aesthetic is perfect for the medium, his attention to quirky detail on full display in this lovely piece of animation. Destined to be a children's classic, the voice work is terrific (which includes George Clooney, Meryl Streep, Jason Schwartzman, Bill Murray, Michael Gambon, Willem Dafoe and Owen Wilson). The moment Gambon condemns Petey's improvisational songwriting is a favorite.

26. NINE QUEENS (Neuve Reinas) (2000)

Far superior to it's remake (2004's Criminal), this Italian caper picture is oh-so satisfying, twisty-turny entertainment. Two con men--one, a young cocky drifter, the other, a seasoned pro--team up to sell some counterfeit stamps (the nine queens) to some foreign investors. Only who is conning who? Betrayal abounds in this gritty fun thriller.

27. ROLE MODELS (2008)

The State's David Wain directed this absolutely hysterical comedy, following two fuck-ups (played by Paul Rudd and Seann William Scott) who get forced into a big brother program for community service after a botched high-school energy drink assembly. At first, they're annoyed at their charges--disillusioned LARPer Augie (Superbad's Christopher Mintz-Plasse) and foul-mouthed Ronnie (Bobb'e J. Thompson), but end up learning a lot from them as they unlikely foursome do crafts, go camping, and engage in a medieval battle dressed like Kiss. It's a comedy with a lot of heart, and so many great comedic performances--including scene-stealing Jane Lynch as camp director Gayle.

28. A KNIGHT'S TALE (2001)

A joust set to Queen's "We Will Rock You" sets the tone for this wacky hybrid film, written and directed by Brian Helgeland (who penned L.A. Confidential). Heath Ledger plays William, a peasant with big dreams and aspirations, who poses as a Knight after his master dies. With the help of Wat (Alan Tudyk), Roland (Mark Addy), and a young Chaucer (Paul Bettany), he carries on the charade, courting a beautiful princess (Shannyn Sossamon) and clashing with a moody rival (Rufus Sewell). The contemporary rock score turned off many, but I dug the MTV vibe (for my money, you can't go wrong with an elegant dance to David Bowie's "Golden Years") and the cast is super appealing.

29. SHAOLIN SOCCER (Siu Lam Juk Kau) (2001)

Stephen Chow is a GIGANTIC movie star in Hong Kong, and this import is enough to show you why. Super silly, with a live-action Looney Tunes kind of feel, it follows a rag-tag team of soccer players who utilize different styles of Kung Fu to best a team of super-charged athletes. Ridiculous special effects and an over-the-top style make this one of the most entertaining pictures of that year.

30. NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN (2007)

The Coen Brothers nailed this adaptation of Cormac McCarthy's dark novel, creating a modern western/thriller hybrid and one of the most iconic characters of the decade in Anton Chigurh, a psychopathic killer with a Prince Valiant cut and a warped moralistic drive. Josh Brolin and Tommy Lee Jones are equally good as war vet who finds a sack of money from a drug deal gone bad and as an aging lawman, respectively. The cat and mouse game is truly thrilling, and the controversial yet realistic ending left many cold but I found ingenious.

31. THE ROYAL TENENBAUMS (2001)

Wes Anderson's live-action modern storybook is full of great performances and memorable moments (who can forget Danny Glover falling in a hole?) Plus, it's got Gene Hackman, Owen and Luke Wilson, Gwyneth Paltrow, Angelica Huston, Ben Stiller, Bill Murray and a hawk!

32. SPIDER-MAN (2002)

Sam Raimi was the perfect director to bring Peter Parker to the screen--he got the mix of action, comedy, discovery and comic-book tone perfect. Tobey Maguire was the perfect choice to play Parker. Most point out Spider-Man 2 as a superior picture; but this one laid down the groundwork for all that was to come, in an entertaining way that most origin stories do not.

33. THE TV SET (2006)

Never has the desperation and studio ineptitude of television pilot season been captured so sadly dead-on than in this film written and directed by Jake Kasdan (son of Lawrence). David Duchovny nails the role of Mike, who gives in to concession after concession when his pilot goes into production. Sigourney Weaver, a great unsung comedian, is perfectly frustrating as studio head Lenny, and Dollhouse's Fran Kranz is hilariously irritating as the show's clueless leading man. For anyone who has ever been a part of the industry, this will hit far too close to home.

34. THE DARK KNIGHT (2008)

I do enjoy Tim Burton's take on the Batman series, but Christopher Nolan's super-dark Gotham is the way it's really supposed to be. Christian Bale growls and grunts efficiently as the caped crusader, but the picture belongs to Heath Ledger's Joker--Ledger's exciting portrayal brought both uneasy humor and unpredictable malice to the role, electrifying the screen every second he was on it.

35. HEDWIG AND THE ANGRY INCH (2001)

John Cameron Mitchell's off-broadway smash made an impressive indie musical in 2001--Mitchell's Hedwig is a force to be reckoned with. But it's the music by Stephen Trask that is the real star here--it's Broadway meets glam-rock with a debt owed to T-Rex, David Bowie and Roxy Music.

36. THE KING OF KONG (2007)

Hypnotic documentary follows everyman Steve Wiebe, who broke the single score Donkey Kong record that had stood for 25 years. That record was originally set by Billy Mitchell, a showboating, super-mulleted egomaniac who promptly broke the record again. Wiebe journeys to a tournament in Florida to face Mitchell and try to set the record for the Guinness Book. A fascinating study of what drives these men, and the lengths they will go to to try and be the best at something.

37. WALL-E (2008)

What's so brilliant about Wall-E is how much is conveyed without dialogue--and yet the nearly wordless first half is one of the greatest screen romances of the year, set to a video loop of Hello, Dolly! Computer animation has come a long, long way, and this stands are Pixar's greatest technological achievement to date.

38. LOST IN TRANSLATION (2003)

A sweet, May-December pal-mance, with great performances from Bill Murray and Scarlett Johansson. It's two lost souls finding momentary solace in one another--what is it about people that they can tell strangers anything, but keep things bottled up from the people they know? It's the little moments in the film that work best--and I'll forever enjoy seeing Murray karaoke the hell out of Elvis Costello.

39. MINORITY REPORT (2002)

Steven Spielberg's hyperkinetic adaptation of Philip K. Dick's futuristic novel is an amazing sci-fi action headtrip. Cruise stars as John Anderton, a law enforcer who using the technology of "precogs" who can predict murders before they happen to nab would-be offenders. When Anderton himself comes up as a potential aggresor, he finds himself on the run from the same officers he's worked with, trying to clear his name and get to the bottom of what he thinks is a conspiracy. It gets sadly soft in it's last 20 minutes, but up until then it's an inventive, fun future fable with some amazing sequences.

40. NARC (2002)

Super-gritty, ultra-violent, but totally mesmerizing undercover cop character study from Joe Carnahan--it's first ten minutes along set the tone for this visceral treat. Jason Patric and Ray Liotta seeth delightfully at each other, leading to a bloody, satisying climax. The cool blue lensing ads to the coldness of the picture in an astounding way.

41. THE PROPOSITION (2005)

John Hillcoat (The Road) directed this Australian revenge western, penned and scored by rocker Nick Cave. The great Ray Winstone stars as lawman Captain Stanley, who captures part of a gang that raped and murdered a pregnant woman. He gives one of the gang, Charlie Burns (Guy Pearce), nine days to ride out and capture his older, psychotic brother Arthur (Danny Huston, chilling) who was the driving force behind the crime. Charlie's younger brother Mike is to remain in prison, and unless he can capture Arthur, Mike will be hung when the time expires. The outback is the least brutal character in the picture--it's a film of desperate men and one man's last chance for redemption.

42. STARDUST (2007)

Neil Gaiman's book is turned into a charming, delightful fantasy romp a la The Princess Bride in this film by Matthew Vaughn (Layer Cake, the upcoming Kick-Ass). Superlative imagination rules the film, as does the great star turns by Claire Danes and Charlie Cox as the fallen star and the questing hero, and the scene-chewing turn by Robert De Niro as Captain Shakespeare, the flamboyant air pirate.

43. THE DEPARTED (2006)

Scorsese's Irish Mob pic, a remake of the Japanese film Infernal Affairs, garnered a lot of Oscars and reestablished Leonardo DiCaprio as a Box-Office king. It's full of explosive performances--including Jack Nicholson's legendary mob boss, Matt Damon's twitchy undercover mob mole, Mark Whalberg's virtuous cop, and Alec Baldwin's blustery officer.

44. SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (2008)

America got Jai-Ho fever when it got ahold of Danny Boyle's superb biopic, following a Mumbai teen from the slums who becomes a contenstant on the Indian version of Who Wants to be a Millionaire? He's out of his element, but gets question after question correct, each one reminding him about a part of his checkered past. The leads are all appealing, and the love story with his long sought after Latika comes to a sweet perfect end. It's engrossing, inventive filmmaking.

45: GHOST DOG: THE WAY OF THE SAMURAI (2000)

Art house king Jim Jarmusch (Down By Law, Night on Earth) hit a high with this poetic detail of an urban hitman(Forest Whitaker), who follows the samurai code and is targeted by a frustrated mafia. Featuring a score by Rza, it's a slow-burn character study with lots of atmosphere and many moments of unexpected humor.

46. CACHE (2005)

Michael Haneke, the auteur responsible for The White Ribbon and Funny Games, helmed this disturbing psychological thriller that plays on our voyeuristic tendencies. A couple (Daniel Auteuil and Juliette Binoche) find a bunch of videotapes on their front porch, filled with images of them being watched on a daily basis. Could it be the result of a terrible incident that happened years previous? It features a truly shocking twist midway through, which sends the film into a chaotic spiral as Auteuil's character tries to put his life back together. The ending leaves a lot of questions up in the air, and will have you talking and theorizing for days.

47. THE MATADOR (2005)

Richard Shepherd (The Hunting Party) wrote and directed this comic hitman picture, getting a career performance from Pierce Brosnan, who stars as Julian, a boozy, womanizing gun for hire who is in full-on burnout. He meets Danny (Greg Kinnear), a lonely traveling salesman who is in dire need of a kick in the pants. An uneasy friendship is formed as they drink, take in a bullfight, and pal around Mexico City. Kinnear's transformation from timid worrywort to mustached confidence is brilliant to watch, as is Brosnan's spectacular breakdown.

48. APPALOOSA (2008)

Ed Harris directs and stars in this kick-ass, character-fueled western. Virgil (Harris) and long-time friend Everett (Viggo Mortensen) come to a small town terrorized by vicious rancher Randall Bragg (Jeremy Irons), who takes whatever he wants. The two men decide to establish law and bring Bragg to justice, a task easier said than done, especially with the addition of scheming love interest Allison (Renee Zellweger). It has a great sense of place and time, and the shootout is memorable for his brevity.

49. THE BANK JOB (2008)

Jason Statham is allowed to do more than just drive a car and be shirtless in this picture chronicling the true story of a robbery of London's Baker Street Bank in the 70s, set up by the government to regain some controversial pictures of royalty. What follows is a great, taut caper film, with fine performances and direction by Roger Donaldson (Thirteen Days, No Way Out).

50. SERAPHIM FALLS (2006)

Another entry in the revenge western department, it's man against man as Carver (Liam Neeson) hunts down Gideon (Pierce Brosnan), a Union general responsible for the accidental deaths of Carver's family. He chases him halfway across the country until the inevitable desert showdown. It's a little heavy on some of the symbolism (particularly Anjelica Huston's bizarre cameo), but the actors are in top form and the movie is high on drama and thrills.

Honorable Mention:

3:10 To Yuma

(500) Days of Summer

Avatar

Brick

Casino Royale

Finding Nemo

Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Gone Baby Gone

Gran Torino

Holes

Invictus

Iron Man

Little Miss Sunshine

The Lord of the Rings Trilogy

Michael Clayton

Millions

The Motorcycle Diaries

Munich

Murderball

Mystic River

Ratatouille

Right At Your Door

Shaun of the Dead

Sideways

Starter For 10

There Will Be Blood

The Visitor

The World's Fastest Indian

Let me know some of yours! Leave a comment!

**And yes, it's been waaaaay longer than three days, so here is your required Scott Baio photograph, in tattoo form!**

SF Sketchfest 2010 Lineup! We did good!

2009-12-13T18:10:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the radio silence, dear readers...but this is what I've been working on! It's the lineup for the 9th Annual SF Sketchfest, the San Francisco Comedy Festival. I co-founded the fest back in 2002 with Janet Varney and David Owen and it's grown into one of the best comedy festivals in the land! Without further adieu, the lineup:

The SF Sketchfest Tribute

Conan O’Brien

in conversation with Jimmy Pardo

Inside Joke:

Monty Python’s Terry Jones

in conversation with Carl Arnheiter

Cinematic Titanic: Danger on Tiki Island

with Joel Hodgson, Trace Beaulieu, J. Elvis Weinstein, Mary Jo Pehl and Frank Conniff from Mystery Science Theater 3000

Sitting and Talking with

“Weird Al” Yankovic

in conversation with Chris Hardwick

An Evening with

The Reno 911! Sheriff’s Department

Tim and Eric:

Pusswhip Banggang Music Show

The SF Sketchfest Comedy Writing Award

John Hodgman

Ask A Ninja · The Big Gay Sketch Show · Bring the Rock · Celebrity Autobiography · Comedy Death-Ray · Facebook Improv · Game Show Explosion · Invite Them Up · Kasper Hauser · Killing My Lobster · My Monster · Never Not Funny · The Red Wine Boys · Theme Park Improv Show · Upright Citizens Brigade · The Whitest Kids U’Know

Scott Adsit · Carlos Alazraqui · Dave (Gruber) Allen · Scott Aukerman · Arj Barker · Todd Barry · Greg Behrendt · Jon Benjamin · Doug Benson · Michael Ian Black · Matt Braunger · Bill Corbett · Illeana Douglas · Rachel Dratch · Graham Elwood · Dave Foley · Will Franken · Robert Ben Garant · Dana Gould · Chris Hardwick · Dave Hill · Rob Huebel · Kerri Kenney-Silver · Laura Kightlinger · Kyle Kinane · David Koechner · Natasha Leggero · Thomas Lennon · Matthew Lillard · Joe Lo Truglio · Tim Meadows · Eugene Mirman · Larry Murphy · Kumail Nanjiani · Niecy Nash · Oscar Nunez · Eugene Pack · Jimmy Pardo · Greg Proops · Paul Provenza · Danny Pudi · Dayle Reyfel · Andy Richter · Ian Roberts · Paul Scheer · Steve Schirripa · Liam Sullivan · Julia Sweeney · Bobby Tisdale · Paul F. Tompkins · Janet Varney · Matt Walsh · Reggie Watts · Brent Weinbach · Fred Willard · Cedric Yarbrough

Musical guests:

Aimee Mann · Mates of State · Michael Penn · Grant-Lee Phillips · Jill Sobule

Film Series: Animal Crackers with Bill Marx · Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy · Monty Python and the Holy Grail · Monty Python’s Life of Brian · UHF

Plus: James Adomian · Animosity Pierre · Barats and Bereta · Barrel Brothers · Be-Bop Heroin Hour · Matt Belknap · Sara Benincasa’s Agorafabulous! · Birthday Boys · Black Sundays Video Show · Julie Brister: Fatparts · Owen Burke · The Business · Chad Carter · Comedy Noir: The Obama Roast · Convoy · The Cool Table · Crisis Hopkins · Dr. God · Josh Fadem · Pat Francis · The Freeze · Funny But Mean · The Heather Gold Show · Good Neighbor · Molly Harper · Emily Heller · Holly & Inessa · The Internet · Iron Comic with Nato Green · Joke-e-Oke with Harmon Leon · Moshe Kasher · Jamie Kilstein · Jeff Kreisler's Get Rich Cheating · A Kiss From Daddy · Edwin Li · Josie Long · Brendan Lynch · Colin Mahan: Remaking It · Jessica Makinson · Marvin Berry · The Midnight Show · Lester Milton · Long Pork · Seth Morris · Paul Myrehaug · Pappy’s · Mary Patterson Broome · Eddie Pepitone · PianoFight · Picnicface · Pros From Dover · Raffie Presents Speak Now Or Forever Hold Your Beets · Robber Barons · Joseph Scrimshaw · Sidecar · Siskel & Negro Present: Just-Us League · The Skinny · Cole Stratton · Tang · Things We Made · Dave Thomason · 2-Man No-Show · Mary Van Note · Waiting For Obama · We Are Nudes ·

TICKETS ARE ON SALE NOW! Go to www.sfsketchfest.com!

And there's more surprises to be announced in the coming weeks (and they are good ones, trust me!). Hope some of you can make it out to San Francisco and check out a show or twelve!

And then there was 1987...and cinemas rejoiced!

2009-11-23T15:14:00.000-08:00

Last night, the wife and I decided to watch Stakeout. She'd never seen it, and it had been a while for me. I knew it had been a big hit when it came out, and a little research unearthed that it was the 8th highest grossing movie at the box office in 1987. Looking at the Top 50, it was astounding to us just how many beloved films came out that year--a ridiculous amount of comedy classics, acclaimed dramas and noteworthy thrillers. So let's take a look back at those films, and their box office winnings (these are 1987 numbers!) with some thoughts on the films that standout to me.

1. THREE MEN AND A BABY--$167.8 Million

Who woulda thunk this would be the top grossing film of 1987? The Gutt, Sam Malone and Mustache P.I. teamed up with director Spock for this remake of the French comedy Trois Hommes et un Couffin. Who can forget the "Goodnight, Sweetheart" lullaby?

2. FATAL ATTRACTION--$156.6 Million

Boiled Bunny = Box Office Bonanza.

3. BEVERLY HILLS COP II--$153.7 Million

Axel Foley returns in this super charged action comedy, thanks to the directing reigns being handed to Tony Scott. Now if we can just get the taste of the third one out of our mouths...

4. GOOD MORNING VIETNAM--$123.9 Million

Barry Levinson's wartime dramedy features a great performance by Williams, who saves his schtick for on-air time. For me, though, the movie belongs to both Bruno Kirby (as the military official with conflicting comedy viewpoints) and Forest Whitaker (as the gentle, car ignition-ruining private who escorts Williams around).

5. MOONSTRUCK--$80.6 Million

Norman Jewison's insanely popular Italian comedy didn't do much for me when it came out, so it might be worth viewing again. At that time I also couldn't stand Nic Cage, whom I've grown to really like, depending on the project. Plus, I do love Vincent Gardenia.

6. THE UNTOUCHABLES--$76.3 Million

Anything with a baseball bat-wielding Robert DeNiro and scenery-chewing Sean Connery is ok in my book (though Connery should not have beaten Albert Brooks for the Oscar...more on that later). Plus, it's got that great homage to the Eisenstein's Odessa Steps sequence.

7. THE SECRET OF MY SUCCESS--$66.9 Million

I've said it once, I'll say it again--Michael J. Fox loves champagne rides! At least that's what the poster would have you believe. Fox is charming in this goofy little comedy as a young entrepreneur working his way up the corporate ladder quickly, a la How To Succeed in Business Without Really Trying.

8. STAKEOUT--$65.6 Million

Comedy meets action in John Badham's fun buddy cop/inadvisable romance picture. Dreyfuss and Estevez are an oddly effective team, and the romance between Dreyfuss and Madeline Stowe is surprisingly believable. Add psychotic Aidan Quinn and a pair of rival cops (Dan Lauria and Forest Whitaker) and you've got yourself a hit, evidently.

9. LETHAL WEAPON--$65.2 Million

RRRRRIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGSSSSSS!

Shane Black scripted Richard Donner's buddy cop movie that set the standard for many to come and launched a franchise that lasted long enough to involve Jet Li. Gibson's nutso Riggs plays great off of Glover's no-nonsense "I'm getting too old for this shit" Murtaugh. If this didn't exist, I wouldn't get to hear Joss Ackland say "DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY!" in the sequel, so thank you, first movie.

10. THE WITCHES OF EASTWICK--$63.8 Million

Take three of the hottest actresses in Hollywood and throw in Jack as the Devil, and you've got a surefire hit.

11. DIRTY DANCING--$63.4 Million

"No one puts Baby in the corner!"

Probably THE surprise hit of the year, this celebration of dancing and watermelon carrying is one of those movies we love to make fun of while we secretly (or openly) adore it. Heck, it was the first title Janet Varney and I did as a RiffTrax Presents (which, btw, you should check out, cuz we're very proud of it!) Click here to check it out!

Plus, Swayze SINGS on the soundtrack, but you already knew that.

12. PREDATOR--$59.7 Million

"Ain't got time to bleed!"

13. THROW MOMMA FROM THE TRAIN--$57.9 Million

"You don't have a Cousin Patty!"

"You lied to me!" *CLANG*

14. DRAGNET--$57.4 Million

"Live a little, it's the pedal on the right."

15. LA BAMBA--$54.2

My brother and I used to watch this over and over again once it came out on VHS (back in the days when it took over a year for studios to release things, instead of the now 3-month waiting period), and wore the soundtrack out. Lou Diamond Phillips is great as Richie Valens, but the real standout is Esai Morales as his impulsive brother. I played softball with him once...kinda surreal.

16. ROBOCOP--$53.4 Million

It's the future of law enforcement! The film was a little too over the top violent for me when it came out, but I've since grown to appreciate it. The sequels...not so much.

17. OUTRAGEOUS FORTUNE--$52.8 Million

I heart Shelley Long! I...am ok with Bette Midler.

18. BROADCAST NEWS--$51.2 Million

One of my all-time favorite films, James L. Brooks' look at television journalism is at once dramatic, hilarious and heart-breaking. William Hurt and Holly Hunter are great, but the film belongs to Albert Brooks as ace reporter Aaron Altman. "I am reading while I'm singing...I'm reading...and singing BOTH!" The scene where he finally gets a crack at anchoring the news is comedy gold. He should have won the Best Supporting Actor Oscar, but lost out to Sean Connery in The Untouchables (a good performance, but Brooks was unreal). I also read someplace that Brooks was going to use his Oscar speech to ask if anyone had seen a tan sportscoat he left at the Dallas Airport.

19. THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS--$51.2 Million

This is actually one of my favorite Bond movies--I thought Dalton filled the shoes of 007 nicely, and the pace and action sequences really click in this one. The cello-case toboggan run is a fun set piece.

20. EDDIE MURPHY RAW--$50.5 Million

It's amazing that a stand-up concert film can rake in that kind of dough at the Box Office. With this and BHC2 in theaters, 87 was a banner year for Murphy.

21. PLANES, TRAINS, AND AUTOMOBILES--$49.5 Million

The very first R-Rated film I saw in the movie theaters, and subsequently my mom's least favorite film of all time, due to the very adult language and embarrassment humor. I think she felt terrible subjecting me to it, but I dug it and still do. We were actually trying to see a sneak screening of Good Morning Vietnam but it was sold out, so that's what we decided on.

22. SNOW WHITE & THE SEVEN DWARFS (RE-RELEASE)--$46.6 Million

Disney goes to the well yet again!

23. FULL METAL JACKET--$46.4 Million

I'll admit it--I'm not a big Kubrick fan. I do like this warmtime chiller, but I'm not in love with it like most people seem to be. Vincent D'Onofrio is at his creepiest, most psychotic here.

24. A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 3: DREAM WARRIORS--$44.8 Million

Didn't see it. Won't ever.

25. THE LAST EMPEROR--$44.0 Million

Winner of every Academy Award, ever!

26. WALL STREET--$43.9 Million

Greed is good.

27. MANNEQUIN--$42.7 Million

Andrew McCarthy. Kim Cattrall. James Spader. HOLLYWOOD! A Starship song. This movie had me at hello. Plus, it had animated opening titles and pre-title Ancient Egypt sequence. WHAT MORE DO YOU PEOPLE WANT? A sequel that's "On the Move?" You got it!

28. ROXANNE--$40.1 Million

Steve Martin's modern take on Cyrano is simply brilliant. The script crackles, the performances are top-notch, and it's infinitely quotable: "I thought you said earn more sessions by sleeving!"

29. BLIND DATE--$39.3 Million

I saw this at the Drive-In (say hey, remember those?) as part of a double feature with Howard the Duck or something of the like. I thought it was really funny, but my parents WERE NOT digging it.

30. THE RUNNING MAN--$38.1 Million

Richard Dawson!

31. SPACEBALLS--$38.1 Million

I was so excited about this movie, I used my allowance to take my entire family just so we could go. "What's the matter, Colonel Sanders...chicken?"

32. SUMMER SCHOOL--$35.7 Million

I adore this Carl Reiner helmed comedy following Mark Harmon's Mr. Shoop, put in charge of a bunch of screw-ups during summer sessions. Dean Cameron was so kick-ass in this--what happened to that guy?

33. NO WAY OUT--$35.5 Million

FINALLY--Costner and Iman in the same movie!

34. LIKE FATHER LIKE SON--$34.3 Million

Before Kirk Cameron was worried about the rapture, he was concerned with switching bodies with pop Dudley Moore. I prefer Vice Versa.

35. ADVENTURES IN BABYSITTING--$34.4 Million

One of my favorite teen flicks ever and maybe Chris Columbus' finest work. "You take that back! You take back what you said about Thor!" (Nice casting touch with Vincent D'Onofrio as a car mechanic/Norse God). Oh, and it has the ever enjoyable Anthony "Ya think?" Rapp.

36. CINDERELLA (RE-RELEASE)--$34.1 Million

Piles and piles of money.

37. *BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED--$32.9 Million

A film that combines my two favorite things--miniature spacecraft and old people.

38. THE LOST BOYS--$32.2 Million

"Maggots, Michael. You're eating maggots." Oh man, do I love me some Schumacher teen vamps. AND they don't sparkle! I watched the shit out of this. Santa Cruz was a lovely double for fictional Santa Carla. The cast is phenomenal--gotta love Alex "Bill S. Preston Esquire" Winter as a long-locked vamp and Bernard Hughes as a horny old grampa.

39. CAN'T BUY ME LOVE--$31.6 Million

There was a time when I could do the entire African Anteater Ritual/Dance craze from the film. Starring teenage McDreamy and lil' Seth Green!

40. NUTS--$40.0 Million

CRAAAAAZY Streisand!

41. THE PRINCESS BRIDE--$30.9 Million

Talk about a timeless classic--Rob Reiner's star-studded family fantasy film has a little of everything--comedy, romance, adventure, you name it. Who doesn't love running around and exclaiming, "My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die!" My wife Jenny's all-time favorite movie.

42. REVENGE OF THE NERDS II: NERDS IN PARADISE--$30.0 Million

Note to Hollywood: If you put Curtis Armstrong in it, I will come see it. Please keep this in mind for all future movies. Thank you.

43. HARRY AND THE HENDERSONS--$29.7 Million

The movie I'm famous for watching pathetically when I'm home alone and bored, the film stars John Lithgow and a slightly biggerfoot, Bigfoot.

44. POLICE ACADEMY 4: CITIZENS ON PATROL--$28.1 Million

I actually have a lot of affection for the Police Academy movies--and this fourth edition adds Sharon Stone and David Spade to the mix. It's also the last to feature Steve Guttenberg.

45. OVERBOARD--$26.7 Million

I feel like this movie is ALWAYS running on cable, and rightfully so, 'cuz it's delightful. According to Jenny (who just walked in), it's THE most watched movie on cable. So there.

46. BABY BOOM--$26.7 Million

Diane Keaton and babies! Hooray!

47. INNERSPACE--$25.9 Million

This really should have been a bigger hit than it was, 'cuz it's incredibly fun and creative. Dennis Quaid, Martin Short and Meg Ryan are a great trio, and Kevin McCarthy and Robert Picardo are delightful villains.

48. TIN MEN--$25.4 Million

Barry Levinson suuuuure loves Baltimore. Was Richard Dreyfuss in every movie in 1987?

49. BLACK WIDOW--$25.2 Million

Not a documentary about my garage.

50. ERNEST GOES TO CAMP--$23.5 Million

I miss Jim Varney. The Ernest films all have such a playful energy to them, and his character is truly iconic.

Thanks for treating us sooooo right, 1987!

Blog post #100! It's a sign!

2009-11-21T13:57:00.001-08:00

It's blog post #100! We...I did it! And what better way to celebrate* than with a bunch of wacky, weird, funny signs! Take a look!

Specific hookers enter 'round the back...

Um, show a little tact, business!

Oh, man, if I had a dollar for every time that happened, I'd...be broke.

So where am I supposed to practice my groundstroke?

I should've taken Sepulveda, despite all the werewolves it still moves faster...

Just the kind of political humor one would expect from KFC!

Did you hear that, teens who drive by blaring Nickelback?

Ba dum dum! Thanks folks, I'll be here all...always.

*&#CRASH!@#

I saw the sign...and it opened up my eyes, I saw the sign...

Quick! Everyone in the car! Everything is regular price!

Warning: Oxygen May Be in Air

Is there currency in the afterlife?

That'll be one flat green piece of currency and two shiny round ten cent pieces...

Man, that sign really cuts to the heart of it, don't he?

In retrospect, we could have just gone with "Giant Assholes"

Open your hymnals to Kevorkians 11...

Yeah yeah yeah, you just keep playing that Mario Kart demo, daddy'll be back in like 45 minutes.

You may also wonder where we got the budget for this sign, it's a long, fascinating story that starts in a tiny courthouse in a sleepy hamlet called Huntersville. Judge Chester Winterfield had only the best of intentions when he (cont. next sign)

*there are many better ways to celebrate, including but not limited to: mini-golf, cakewalk, korean taco truck, Police Academy movie marathon, go-karts, Nerf football, paint-by-numbers, Civil War re-enactments, dressing up like Sam Waterston, quoting Nietzsche, teaching hebrew to a turtle, microwaving poptarts, lots of high-fives, a Color Me Badd reunion concert, backflips, breaking and entering, Laffy Taffy joke-a-thon, Russian roulette, Bill Cosby sweater contest, eating doozer buildings, beat poetry, and seeing the world through Snoopy's eyes.

Glen, Mar & The Frames conquer the Wiltern...

2009-11-19T14:13:00.000-08:00

For years, The Frames have been my favorite band--after falling in love with their live Set List record, I eagerly snatched up their hard to find back catalog, and became familiar with the fantastic songwriting and emotive voice of Glen Hansard and his incredibly tight band that flush out the sound beautifully. When Glen started making music with Marketa Irglova as a side project, it was an exciting collaboration. Then Once happened, and things have never been the same. They collected an Oscar. Their live shows became increasingly crowded, the venues growing from small, intimate places like the old Largo and The Troubadour, to the El Rey, the Wiltern and The Greek Theater. It seems only like a short matter of time before they are playing the Hollywood Bowl and binoculars come into play.

I have mixed feelings about this--I am SO happy for all their success, but it feels like a secret (MY secret) has been passed all around town. Indeed, the crowd at their show last night at The Wiltern was packed and enthusiastic, and rightfully so: what followed was an incredible two and half hours of music and surprises.

The show opened sparsely--Glen and Mar took the stage and casually plumped down onto the floor for first their first song Fallen From the Sky, Mar's Casio in hand to lay down the beat and Glen clutching his worn-down, faithful Takamine that he's been playing for twenty years. They stood and immediately went into Lies, the gorgeous ballad from Once, where Glen watched video of his lost love. Their voices blend so well together.

The Frames then took the stage to back them for the majority of the show--Colm Mac Iomaire on violin, Joe Doyle on bass, Rob Bochnik on guitar, and Johnny Boyle on drums. They launched into Low Rising, a song very reminiscent of Van Morrison, a big influence on the band. The big tempo charmer set the tone for the casual pace for the evening. Next was Feeling The Pull, a high-energy sing-a-long from the new album Strict Joy. Glen, a natural storyteller, set-up the next song, The Rain (my personal favorite on the new album), as kind of a tribute to his band, whom he's been with since 1990 but missed out on the whirlwind success of his indie movie. Thankfully, he's been able to combine his two projects into one, and the evening was a testament to the power of their melded sound.

After the somber The Moon, Mar took center stage for If You Want Me and Fantasy Man, her sweet voice a perfect compliment to the nice arrangements. Mar and the band then took a break as Glen grabbed his guitar and went into busking mode for Leave and the always powerful Say It To Me Now. He introduced the latter with a story about an old woman he met in Chicago. He complimented her jacket and helped her to her cab, and she was so touched that he noticed it--she has become a shut in for two years after her son's death in 9/11, and that jacket was the first thing she bought when she decided to go back out into the world. He then pounded into a cover of Van Morrison's Astral Weeks, nearly destroying two guitars in the process, one of which was "it's first time on stage, ever." The response to the show-stopper was deafening.

The band once again took the stage for a handful of songs--Once and Backbroke among them, before ended the first part of their set with the driving When Your Mind's Made Up. The nearly hour-long encore began with Colm's solo violin of an old Irish folksong, then Mar and a guest from the Czech Republic sang a song honoring the Velvet Revolution. Glen then joined her for Falling Slowly, the Oscar winning ballad largely responsible for their fast rise. As expected, it was lovely and much appreciated by the rabid crowd. A new, untitled yet excellent song came next, with the crowd joining in and harmonizing on the simple chorus of "There." High Horses stormed out next, followed by the most random, unexpected moment of the night. Glen regaled us with a story of how he and Mar were having tea at an LA hotel when the waiter came over and told them that two gentlemen wanted to buy them a bottle of wine. "You should take it, they are famous," he told them, and it turns out it was Paul Rudd and Jason Segel. They all hung out and partied for the rest of the night. Glen introduced Jason, who then played an original song about using his celebrity status to sleep with a Swell Season fan. The band backed him up, Mar holding up a sign with his phone number on it. Courtesy of YouTube, here it is:

"Where do you go after that?" Glen asked, the crowd still in a tizzy. He ended the night with an old Frames classic, Red Chord, which he coda'd with a line from a Clancy Brothers classic-- "Good night and joy be with you all."

A good night it was, indeed.

*Ok, it's been more than 3 days, so here's the required Baio photo, in Chachi concert mode*