Blog post #100! It's a sign!

It's blog post #100! We...I did it! And what better way to celebrate* than with a bunch of wacky, weird, funny signs! Take a look!

Specific hookers enter 'round the back...

Um, show a little tact, business!

Oh, man, if I had a dollar for every time that happened, I'd...be broke.

So where am I supposed to practice my groundstroke?

I should've taken Sepulveda, despite all the werewolves it still moves faster...

Just the kind of political humor one would expect from KFC!

Did you hear that, teens who drive by blaring Nickelback?

Ba dum dum! Thanks folks, I'll be here all...always.

*&#CRASH!@#

I saw the sign...and it opened up my eyes, I saw the sign...

Quick! Everyone in the car! Everything is regular price!

Warning: Oxygen May Be in Air

Is there currency in the afterlife?

That'll be one flat green piece of currency and two shiny round ten cent pieces...

Man, that sign really cuts to the heart of it, don't he?

In retrospect, we could have just gone with "Giant Assholes"

Open your hymnals to Kevorkians 11...

Yeah yeah yeah, you just keep playing that Mario Kart demo, daddy'll be back in like 45 minutes.

You may also wonder where we got the budget for this sign, it's a long, fascinating story that starts in a tiny courthouse in a sleepy hamlet called Huntersville. Judge Chester Winterfield had only the best of intentions when he (cont. next sign)

*there are many better ways to celebrate, including but not limited to: mini-golf, cakewalk, korean taco truck, Police Academy movie marathon, go-karts, Nerf football, paint-by-numbers, Civil War re-enactments, dressing up like Sam Waterston, quoting Nietzsche, teaching hebrew to a turtle, microwaving poptarts, lots of high-fives, a Color Me Badd reunion concert, backflips, breaking and entering, Laffy Taffy joke-a-thon, Russian roulette, Bill Cosby sweater contest, eating doozer buildings, beat poetry, and seeing the world through Snoopy's eyes.

Glen, Mar & The Frames conquer the Wiltern...

For years, The Frames have been my favorite band--after falling in love with their live Set List record, I eagerly snatched up their hard to find back catalog, and became familiar with the fantastic songwriting and emotive voice of Glen Hansard and his incredibly tight band that flush out the sound beautifully. When Glen started making music with Marketa Irglova as a side project, it was an exciting collaboration. Then Once happened, and things have never been the same. They collected an Oscar. Their live shows became increasingly crowded, the venues growing from small, intimate places like the old Largo and The Troubadour, to the El Rey, the Wiltern and The Greek Theater. It seems only like a short matter of time before they are playing the Hollywood Bowl and binoculars come into play.

I have mixed feelings about this--I am SO happy for all their success, but it feels like a secret (MY secret) has been passed all around town. Indeed, the crowd at their show last night at The Wiltern was packed and enthusiastic, and rightfully so: what followed was an incredible two and half hours of music and surprises.

The show opened sparsely--Glen and Mar took the stage and casually plumped down onto the floor for first their first song Fallen From the Sky, Mar's Casio in hand to lay down the beat and Glen clutching his worn-down, faithful Takamine that he's been playing for twenty years. They stood and immediately went into Lies, the gorgeous ballad from Once, where Glen watched video of his lost love. Their voices blend so well together.

The Frames then took the stage to back them for the majority of the show--Colm Mac Iomaire on violin, Joe Doyle on bass, Rob Bochnik on guitar, and Johnny Boyle on drums. They launched into Low Rising, a song very reminiscent of Van Morrison, a big influence on the band. The big tempo charmer set the tone for the casual pace for the evening. Next was Feeling The Pull, a high-energy sing-a-long from the new album Strict Joy. Glen, a natural storyteller, set-up the next song, The Rain (my personal favorite on the new album), as kind of a tribute to his band, whom he's been with since 1990 but missed out on the whirlwind success of his indie movie. Thankfully, he's been able to combine his two projects into one, and the evening was a testament to the power of their melded sound.

After the somber The Moon, Mar took center stage for If You Want Me and Fantasy Man, her sweet voice a perfect compliment to the nice arrangements. Mar and the band then took a break as Glen grabbed his guitar and went into busking mode for Leave and the always powerful Say It To Me Now. He introduced the latter with a story about an old woman he met in Chicago. He complimented her jacket and helped her to her cab, and she was so touched that he noticed it--she has become a shut in for two years after her son's death in 9/11, and that jacket was the first thing she bought when she decided to go back out into the world. He then pounded into a cover of Van Morrison's Astral Weeks, nearly destroying two guitars in the process, one of which was "it's first time on stage, ever." The response to the show-stopper was deafening.

The band once again took the stage for a handful of songs--Once and Backbroke among them, before ended the first part of their set with the driving When Your Mind's Made Up. The nearly hour-long encore began with Colm's solo violin of an old Irish folksong, then Mar and a guest from the Czech Republic sang a song honoring the Velvet Revolution. Glen then joined her for Falling Slowly, the Oscar winning ballad largely responsible for their fast rise. As expected, it was lovely and much appreciated by the rabid crowd. A new, untitled yet excellent song came next, with the crowd joining in and harmonizing on the simple chorus of "There." High Horses stormed out next, followed by the most random, unexpected moment of the night. Glen regaled us with a story of how he and Mar were having tea at an LA hotel when the waiter came over and told them that two gentlemen wanted to buy them a bottle of wine. "You should take it, they are famous," he told them, and it turns out it was Paul Rudd and Jason Segel. They all hung out and partied for the rest of the night. Glen introduced Jason, who then played an original song about using his celebrity status to sleep with a Swell Season fan. The band backed him up, Mar holding up a sign with his phone number on it. Courtesy of YouTube, here it is:

"Where do you go after that?" Glen asked, the crowd still in a tizzy. He ended the night with an old Frames classic, Red Chord, which he coda'd with a line from a Clancy Brothers classic-- "Good night and joy be with you all."

A good night it was, indeed.

*Ok, it's been more than 3 days, so here's the required Baio photo, in Chachi concert mode*

The Virtual Mix Blog #1: November Spawned This Monster

I miss the days of arduous work spent to create the perfect mix tape. You had to really think it out--figure out the mood you were going for (is this a "windows down sunny day Tom Petty" kind of thing, a mellow "arctic tundra rainy day Sigur Ros" sort of endeavor, or something meant to woo that gal you've had your eye on in Algebra, cuz God knows you're not concentrating on math?). You made sure each song flowed into the next without an abrupt tempo shift (to go from, say, The Cure's "A Letter to Elise" immediately Subhumans' "Mickey Mouse is Dead" is a mix tape sin). And you had to do it in real time. You listened to each and every track as it transferred from tape to tape, trying to pause it just right and not leave too much of a gap or record over the ending of the previous track. You worked on the liner notes, whether you scribbled something to make it seem casual (you know, cuz you were just too cool to care, right?) or full-on illustrated the track list. As was often the case, one mix turned into two, or three, or heck, four if you were really trying to impress (or scare off) that human calculator with the doe eyes in the aforementioned math class. You had tricks you employed--I often saved Blur's "Track Two" for the end of side A, since it's brief running time fit nicely into a small gap.

Nowadays, it's so fast and easy to throw a mix together, it's almost impersonal. Just drag the tracks into an iTunes playlist, and you're ready to go. Maybe click from song to song to make sure the flow is ok. You can crank out a shit ton in less than an hour, throw it in a mass-produced sleeve, scribble down the names and be done with it (or upload the list, and skip the handwriting all together).

So, in the spirit of mass consumption, here is a virtual mix tape for all of you readers. A mishmash of some of the new stuff and a few old favorites that I've been spinning this November, and my thoughts on the tracks. Look 'em up, check 'em out, let me know what you think. And heck--if you want an actual, tactile mix, I'll make one for you. Just ask in the comments!

22 tracks--I've included links to streaming versions of the songs. I don't have time to make them live right now, but I will later. In the meantime, just copy and paste into your favorite web browser!

November Spawned This Monster Mix

Side A

1. "TWO" -- THE ANTLERS

http://www.last.fm/music/The+Antlers/_/Two

From the concept album Hospice, which follows a young home-care professional and his affair with a troubled patient, the song hooks you with jangly guitars, a rapturous build and lyrical imagery like:

"Something in my throat made my next words shake,

and something in the wires made the lightbulbs break."

2. "COMETS" -- FANFARLO

http://www.imeem.com/people/dSo_JWt/music/hYxZSyB8/fanfarlo-comets/

One of my favorite albums of 2009, Reservoir by London's Fanfarlo is a marvelous folky sway of a record. Comets has a sing-songy sweetness to it that is infectious.

"If you look at the horizon there is always something ducking out of sight

When you’re looking at the treetops and they’re scratching out their patterns in the sky"

3. "THINK I NEED IT TOO" -- ECHO & THE BUNNYMEN

http://redux.com/stream/item/446611/Echo-The-Bunnymen-Think-I-Need-it-Too

From the just released new record The Fountain, Ian McCulloch and co. sound fabulous on this catchy pop burner.

"How can I blame what I got to

Putting the wheels in motion

Autopilot I can't drive"

4. "HEARING DAMAGE" -- THOM YORKE

http://www.prefixmag.com/media/thom-yorke/hearing-damage-stream/33560/

It's surprising to me that the Twilight: New Moon soundtrack would be such a good collection of worthwhile indie bands and not a bunch of Emo bands for 14 year olds. Thom Yorke gets laptoppy in a good way with this dark, moody mid tempo grinder.

"A tear in my brain

Allows the voices in

They wanna push you off the path

With their frequency wires"

5. "SWEET DISPOSITION" -- THE TEMPER TRAP

http://www.last.fm/music/The+Temper+Trap/_/Sweet+Disposition

You may recognize this from the film (500) Days of Summer. It's got a driving beat, a sweet melody and kind of reminds me of Unforgettable Fire era U2. They're from Australia, and they're gonna be big.

"A moment, a love

A dream, a laugh

A kiss, a cry

our rights, our wrongs"

6. "THE RAIN" -- THE SWELL SEASON

http://hypem.com/track/932168/The+Swell+Season+-+The+Rain

Personal favorite track from their new record Strict Joy, Glen and Mar sound as great as ever. Backed by The Frames (yes, my all time favorite band), the song builds beautifully with a chorus that has been bouncing around in my head for weeks.

" know we're not where I promised you we'd be by now

But maybe it's a question of who'd want it anyhow"

7. "GORGEOUS BEHAVIOR" -- MARCHING BAND

http://www.last.fm/music/Marching+Band/_/Gorgeous+Behavior

Glorious twee, with a bit of a Sea & Cake slant to it.

"He talks about girls like he talks about cars

You don't know where to begin

You tell him off by being nice"

8. "SPYSTICK" -- KING CREOSOTE

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&VideoID=20953641

Another great folksy ballad from Scotland's King Creosote, a.k.a. Kenny Anderson. If you like Crowded House, you'll dig this. *NOTE: I can't find a streaming version of this anywhere, so here's a live video of questionable quality

"She's one in a dozen

Yet you've seen the state

of the other eleven"

9. "TENDER TORTURE" -- ISLANDS

http://listen.grooveshark.com/#/song/Tender_Torture/23269759

From the sophomore album Vapours, Montreal's Islands continue their genre-hopping unclassifiable indie rock. This track has a bouncy electronic rawk feel to it.

"I'll be your wave carrying you to shore.

And if your ribs are peeking through your fur,

I'll feed you some more."

10. "WALK ON" --THE HIDDEN CAMERAS

http://www.imeem.com/cokemachineglow/music/8N0twwFW/the-hidden-cameras-walk-on/

This track from Canada's The Hidden Cameras an epic, cinematic swagger. Maybe it's the brass...

"Hey there baby don’t you know?

That if you cry cry cry it won’t do much

Who’s been there right from the start?

Who’s gonna love you when you are old?"

11. "RHINEMAIDENS" -- THE ENVY CORPS

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yT1LmAKvQY4

They sound positively British, but The Envy Corps hail from Ohio. It has the feelings of a lost Doves track.

"Would you be my Freia with her apples, or the seventh seal

Signaling the rapture and a call to kneel

"No" we say, cause it's not coming"

Side B

12. "BONES" -- PAUL'S GRANDFATHER

http://lala.com/zMfU

Three female voices blend beautifully on this up-tempo charmer.

"Tell my mother not to cry

Father not too either

My heart's not coming home tonight

I'm not coming either"

13. "MARBLE GODS" -- SAD DAY FOR PUPPETS

http://www.myspace.com/saddayforpuppets

Recalls 90's shoegaze with Mazzy Star-esque vocals. And their from Sweden!

"Old rusty stains

Where's your lover now?"

14. "THE AGE OF REVOLUTION" -- THE DUCKWORTH LEWIS METHOD

http://www.myspace.com/dlmethod

Neil Hannon from The Divine Comedy and Thomas Walsh of Pugwash have teamed up under the moniker The Duckworth Lewis Method for a concept album about--yup, you guessed it--cricket. Old timey in the best way...

"Always denied entry by the English gentry.

Now we're driving Bentley's playing 20/20"

15. "TWO WEEKS" -- GRIZZLY BEAR

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tjecYugTbIQ

Grizzly Bear keep getting better and better, flushing out their spare sound on their latest record Vectamist. Tricky percussion melds with high-pitched piano plinks and some sweet background harmonies.

"Save up all the days

A routine malaise

Just like yesterday

I told you I would stay"

16. "CRIMSON ENEMY" -- THE BATS

http://www.last.fm/music/The+Bats/_/Crimson+Enemy

New Zealand's seminal 80s shimmery guitar band are still at it, their latest offering 2009's The Guilty Office. This is straight up multi-layered guitar pop--a feast for the ears.

"We live in the data

Everyone can see"

17. "DOMINOS" -- THE BIG PINK

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OGnNlQ-KNv4

Another shoegaze band, with a bit of an electronic percussion touch. A driving beat and grinding guitars meld well here.

"As soon as I love her it's been too long.

And I really love breaking your heart

These silver apples will shine on I was wrong

The hardest love has the coldest end"

18. "SEPTEMBER GURLS" -- BIG STAR

http://www.last.fm/music/Big+Star/_/September+Gurls

Early Alex Chilton always bring a smile to my face--their influence on artists like Matthew Sweet is evident on songs like September Gurls.

"I loved you well never mind

I've been crying all the time

December boys got it bad."

19. "DEAD MAN'S SUIT" -- CHERRY GHOST

http://www.last.fm/music/Cherry+Ghost/_/Dead+Man's+Suit

I've raved and raved and raved about the debut record from the UK's Simon Aldred, and this track has proven to be my favorite (although most every song is brilliant). If you like Elbow, Joe Henry or Peter Gabriel, pick this up IMMEDIATELY.

"Sister quick pull the cord

There's a horse on the ward

With a mouthful of diamonds for teeth

In a dusty old cape stands a man in its wake

Singing I got a woman that loves like an ocean"

20. "YOU AND I ARE A GANG OF LOSERS" -- THE DEARS

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VppnteRfb-s

This one is a couple of years old, but I return to it all the time. Hearing strains of it in Kevin Smith's Zach & Miri was a nice validation for this unsung gem.

"They were slurring words and acting like

a bunch of animals every given day

Never read or hardly wrote

but signed an 'x' once in blood"

21. "SEMI AUTOMATIC" -- THE BOXER REBELLION

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fb7A1qmt0Mo

London's The Boxer Rebellion are one of the best unknown indie outfits out there, unfairly lumped in and dismissed by some as a Coldplay knockoff. Their sound is much more expansive, as evident on this track.

"you know i am here, but i am losing

faith in what i see you celebrating

i know, up here,

i’ll be proven guilty"

22. "STAY ALIVE" -- THE PAINS OF BEING PURE AT HEART

http://www.last.fm/music/The+Pains+of+Being+Pure+at+Heart/_/Stay+Alive

They remind me so much of the Jesus & Mary Chain, which is a good thing. A good track to close out the virtual mix...

"when its gone, you sit and stare

until the golden dawn

cant you see his arms are a hell and you wont ever leave?"

That's all for my virtual November mix...enjoy!

I blame you! (...for my love of comedy!)

I've always been a comedy nerd. My whole life. There was always a love of all-things-funny through my household growing up, and I was was weened on some of the greatest comedic actors, stand-ups, improvisers, sketch troupes, and hilarious film classics. I'm blessed to be able to make my living through comedy--as an actor, improviser, and writer...and as Co-Founder/Co-Creative Director of SF Sketchfest, the San Francisco Comedy Festival (check it out here: www.sfsketchfest.com). It was started as a labour of love by my old sketch group Totally False People (seen above, in our earliest incarnation in 2001!). We were a bunch of goofy college kids, with a weird sense of the absurd and a passionate love of comedy. The fest is entering it's ninth year now, and what started a little lark has turned into one of the biggest independently run comedy festivals in the U.S. I'm so proud of what we've created...and I thought it would be fun to look back at some of the biggest influences on me as a comedian and lover of a good laugh. So, in no particular order...

FOZZIE BEAR and THE MUPPET SHOW

As a wee one, I thought Fozzie was HILARIOUS. Whenever the Muppet Show came on, I shouted to my folks that it was time for "The Fozzie Show!" I tend to say "Wocka Wocka Wocka" and weird and inappropriate times. Henson's endless creativity and vaudevillian sensibilities really struck a chord with me as a kid.

MATT GROENING'S LIFE IS HELL BOOKS and THE SIMPSONS

I always tuned into The Tracey Ullman Show just to see the short, crudely animated adventures of the Simpson clan (I particularly remember one where Bart when out for a long football pass and was told to oncoming obstacles, like a hedge and ultimately a cliff). It's amazing to think that the spin-off show has been on the air for 20 years! I also really dug Groening's Life is Hell comic strip and collected books--I may have been a little young for them, but they always cracked me up.

THE KIDS IN THE HALL

They were probably the most influential on my love of sketch comedy--I taped countless episodes off of Comedy Central and HBO and quoted favorite recurring characters like hellish film spoilers Simon & Hecubus, back-packed bike racer Gavin, the bitter Headcrusher, and the life-loving Chickenlady. My old roomie and fellow TFP/Sketchfester Dave and I performed the Citizen Kane sketch for our "Acting for the Camera" class at San Francisco State. In fact, during the 2000 KITH tour, our sketch group was just forming, and we took our name from a line in Mark McKinney's bio from the tour program ("Rumours that he was gay--totally false, people!--led to...). It was a real surreal thrill to have all five of them reunite for our fest a few years back.

MTV'S THE STATE

Hand in hand with KITH were the short-lived but ridiculously good The State, MTV's late 90's sketch collective that featured now-stars like Michael Ian Black, Michael Showalter, Thomas Lennon, Ken Marino and David Wain. Coming out of college in NYC, the eleven member group wrote and performed some of the most memorable and influential sketches that I can recall--including Barry & Levon's pudding; the oh-so-outta here Doug; a mailman who delivers tacos; and a porcupine racetrack. Last year, we were honored to reunite all of them for a tribute and an intimate sketch performance, a lofty idea that magically came to fruition. The reunited group is seen above, along with myself and partners David Owen and Janet Varney.

MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000

Oh how I love the Satellite of Love! I used to have sleep-overs in high school with a couple of my buddies, and we would watch the Friday night broadcast on Comedy Central. The wisecrackin' bots and hosts Joel and Mike really appealed to my comic sensibilities--I've always been a film aficionado, good and bad, and their wry and goofy commentary was always a blast to listen to. The sketches in between the film segments were inspired as well. I've been fortunate enough to do a handful of RiffTrax Presents tracks with Janet Varney for Mike Nelson's RiffTrax.com, and am honored to call Mike, Kevin and Bill friends.

ALBERT BROOKS

A comedy genius, pure and simple. His writing is so clever and funny--as evident in films like Lost in America, Real Life, and my favorite Defending Your Life. He was robbed (ROBBED, I TELL YA!) of an Oscar for his brilliant portrayal of Aaron Altman in James L. Brooks' incredible Broadcast News. I continue to be amazed by his engaging sense of humor, and his bits as a guest on The Tonight Show still have me in stitches no matter how many times I've heard them. If you haven't, hunt down his two comedy records, Comedy Minus One and A Star is Bought. They are amazing!

MONTY PYTHON

How can one do a list of comedic influences and NOT include Monty Python? Sublimely ridiculous, combing weird absurd sketches with Terry Gilliam's funny animation, they are the masters of the anti-ending and interesting sketch transitions. It doesn't get any better than Cleese's Ministry of Silly Walks or the Spam sketch.

SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE

Say what you will about the hit-and-miss tendencies of this late night TV staple, it was incredibly influential on me growing up. From the original Not-Ready-For-Prime-Time Players to the latest incarnation, every generation has had its gifted performers and memorable sketches. My all-time faves: Chris Farley's motivational speaker Matt Foley ("Living in a van down by the river"); Richard Pryor & Chevy Chases word association ("DEAD honkey!"); Dana Carvey as Tom Brokaw pre-recording Gerald Ford's death announcement ("Gerald Ford dead today from an overdose of crack cocaine!"; the great Phil Hartman as Charlton Heston doing an audio-book recording of Madonna's Sex ("I like my vagina..."); and pretty much any Wayne's World (and the movies to boot).

WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?

I took my first improv class when I was 12--it was "Improvisation for Teens" and was offered through the Sacramento Area Regional Theater Alliance (SARTA). It was taught by Buck Busfield, brother of Timothy and owner of the B-Street Theater. One class, and I WAS HOOKED. I've been doing improv continuously in some incarnation or other for 20 years, from my high school group Improv Core at Davis High to my college troupe Small Chicken at San Francisco State, to several venues in SF and LA, I'm always doing it. I started in short form, and THE program I watched repeatedly was Whose Line, the original British version featuring performers like Ryan Stiles, Greg Proops, Colin Mochrie, Tony Slattery, and John Sessions. Proops and Stiles were especially influential.

WAITING FOR GUFFMAN and all of the GUEST MOCKUMENTARIES

I saw Guffman three times in the theater, and I can watch it over and over without tiring of it. I did a lot of community theater growing up, so the universe created by Guest and his crew of amazing character actors rang so incredibly true to me. Willard, Levy, O'Hara and Posey are all hilarious, and Guest's Corky is one of my favorite film characters of all time. Best in Show, A Mighty Wind, and For Your Consideration are all incredibly enjoyable as well.

UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADE

A couple of seasons on Comedy Central, the hilarious sketch world of UCB mirrored a lot of the same energies and innerworkings of my group. Matt Besser, Matt Walsh, Ian Roberts and Amy Poehler are an incredibly ensemble, and their theaters in NYC and LA turn out some of the best improvisers in the country. The UCB were integral in the success of SF Sketchfest, having signed on (along with Fred Willard) to the second ever festival and helping to put us on the map. Many thanks and much respect, UCB!

YOU CAN'T DO THAT ON TELEVISION

This Canadian Nickelodeon staple of my childhood was a rather silly collection of sketches and slim. Why I liked it so much, I don't know (WATER POURS ON HEAD). There was a certain tongue in cheek, self-aware quality to it that I really appreciated. Plus, it had Alanis Morrisette. What more do you want?

SPINAL TAP

The mockumentary that set the bar for all to follow, Rob Reiner's depiction of the UK metalers is one of those rare films that works as both a lampooning and a tribute to those kind of bands. So many great moments--Nigel's amp that goes to 11, getting lost on the way to the stage, Derek's non-working cocoon, and tiny little Stonehenge. As funny now as it was when it was first released, it really taught me a lot about character commitment.

MR. SHOW with BOB & DAVID

HBO's hilarious sketch show was anchored by Bob Odenkirk and David Cross, but featured a tremendous ensemble, including Jill Talley, Tom Kenny, Paul F. Tompkins, John Ennis, Brian Posehn, BJ Porter, Jay Johnston and Dino Stamatopoulos. We only got 4 seasons, but what great seasons they weird! Fave sketches: the audition ("Can I use this chair?"), Titannica, Pit-Pat, Megaphone Inventors, and the pre-taped call-in show. One of my favorite Sketchfest shows was the Tribute we did to the show back in 2006.

THE MARX BROTHERS

As most of my friends could tell you, I can't resist a good pun. Or a bad pun. And man, the Marx Brothers were the masters of punnage, and of brilliant physical comedy and wordplay. My favorite film of theirs would have to be Horse Feathers, which has some amazing sequences in it (the password bit at the saloon door might be the best). I also find Animal Crackers, A Night at the Opera and Duck Soup infinitely watchable. When I have kids one day, I savor the opportunity to introduce them to the Marx Brothers.

IT'S A MAD, MAD, MAD, MAD WORLD

Boy, do I love this all-star treasure chase comedy. Clocking in at 3 hours, it features most of the best comedic minds of the 60s, including Sid Caesar, Milton Berle, Terry-Thomas, Jonathan Winters, Buddy Hackett, Dick Shawn, Jim Backus, The Three Stooges, Phil Silvers, Spencer Tracy and sooooo many more! This is one of those perfect Sunday afternoon movies, always entertaining. I chose the pic above, 'cuz Thomas and Berle punching fists is one of my favorite movie laughs of all time.

BETTER OFF DEAD and SAVAGE STEVE HOLLAND

Savage Steve's first film feels like a bunch of sketches kinda weaved together--so many memorable characters! Cusack's Lane Meyer is great, but for my money it doesn't get any better than Curtis Armstrong's Charles De Mar. Also great are Diane Franklin's Monique and Dan Schneider's Ricky. Oh...and we can't forget the psychotic paper boy ("I want my 2 dollars!") or the Howard Cosell-speaking Japanese racers. I admire the commitment to the sillyness that is the backbone of the film. Savage's other films, One Crazy Summer and How I Got Into College both hold a special place in my heart. It was truly an honor to meet and interview Savage and Diane at last year's fest.

STEVE MARTIN

When I was really little, my parents took me to a live performance by Steve Martin at Michigan State. I was pretty small, but I remember the arrow through the head and the banjo. His early, goofy films like The Jerk and The Man With Two Brains are staples, but Martin has evolved in interesting and great ways as an actor, screenwriter, playwrite and novelist. I'll dig up my copy of Cruel Shoes every once in a while for a smile.

DON KNOTTS

Atta boy, Luther! The Ghost and Mr. Chicken is one of my favorite sweet-natured comedies, and Knotts' rubber-faced double takes are classic. Nobody did nervous or trepidatious like he did--I was fortune enough to see him shortly before his passing at a benefit at SF State. He did an old bit about a nervous public speaker, and it was hilarious. Love him.

RICHARD PRYOR and GENE WILDER

These guys were such an amazing team--such different energies, but they meshed so well together. Silver Streak was just the start of their great partnership, and the scene where Pryor attempts to disguise Wilder as a black man is timeless. Wilder made an appearance at the Fest in 08, speaking after a screening of Young Frankenstein (one of the greatest comedies ever made, period). Having dinner with him is one of the highlights of my life.

ALAN ARKIN and THE IN-LAWS

I'm a big fan of both Arkin and Falk, and their pairing in the original In-Laws is one of my favorites ever ("FLAMES! THERE'S FLAMES ON MY CAR!"). Dave and I went on a giant Arkin kick back in our days of working at now gone video store Movie Magic. There's something magical about his deadpan delivery and takes--witness his incredible extended spit take in John Cassavetes' Big Trouble. Plus, I love him in The Russians Are Coming, The Russians Are Coming ("Emergency! Everybody to get from street!"). I was so excited to see him win the Oscar for Little Miss Sunshine.

THE HOT SHOTS MOVIES

Ok, I realize these aren't great movies, but they are packed with stupid, funny gags, and as a teen I was in love with them. From dumb running gags (the little dog that is constantly being sat on), to meta refrences (as seen above, "I loved you in Wall Street!"), they never fail to make me laugh.

JACK LEMMON and WALTER MATTHAU

My favorite of all movie pairings, Lemmon and Matthau had such a wonderful chemistry that you just can't fake. So many of their movies are counted as my favorites, including The Fortune Cookie, The Odd Couple, and Grumpy Old Men. It's hard to believe it's been almost 10 years since they passed.

MADELINE KAHN

One of the greatest comediennes of all time (strike that--comedians), Kahn's delivery, by nature, was just funny. She played these high-strung, high-maintenance characters perfectly--from her Mrs. White in Clue ("Flames!"), to her kiss-dodging bride in Young Frankenstein, she was often the best thing in any project she did (see Mixed Nuts). So sad we lost her in 1999.

MEL BROOKS and CARL REINER

Individually, they both sport impressive comedy resumes as writers and directors, as well as actors. Together, they crafted the 2000 Year Old Man, one of my favorite comedy records as a kid. Brooks' parody films have always been faves of mine (Young Frankenstein, High Anxiety, Spaceballs, and Blazing Saddles, in particular) and Reiner's writing on The Dick Van Dyke Show and work as director of Summer School are faves as well.

BILLY WILDER

THE greatest comedy director ever, his scripts were razor sharp and he got brilliant performances out of every actor he ever cast. He understood pacing and joke structure more than anyone (witness the famous maraca scene in Some Like It Hot, where he utilized the instrument to act as a hold for jokes). Check out Cameron Crowe's book interviewing Wilder if you have a chance, it's an amazing read.

AIRPLANE! and THE ZUCKER BROTHERS

A pre-cursor to those Hot Shots movies, no one packed in more gags per minute than the ZAZ team. So many classic comedy moments--Striker's drinking problem, Kareem's co-pilot, Ethel Merman's "War is Hell," "Billy, you ever seen a grown man naked?," and countless others! The same touch is on display in the great Police Squad! show and the Naked Gun movies.

THE CAROL BURNETT SHOW

Burnett's sketch show is incredibly funny and well-performed--he great cast featured Tim Conway, Harvey Korman and Vicki Lawrence. I think often about the Gone With the Wind sketch with the drapes dress (as scene above), and about all the times Conway and Korman cracked each other up. They need to put the complete seasons on DVD, pronto.

BRIAN REGAN

One of my favorite all-time stand-ups, Regan can do hours of brilliant observational humor, all without uttering a single curse word (I'm no stickler for keeping comedy clean, but it's pretty impressive to be able to work that clean and not draw attention to it). See him live sometime if you can, and I guarantee you that you'll laugh a ton.

DUDLEY MOORE and BEYOND THE FRINGE

Dudley was such a gifted physical comedian, and his portrayal of lovable rich drunk Arthur is amazing. His early work with sketch group Beyond the Fringe (with the great Peter Cook) is phenomenal. I even dig the remake of Preston Sturges' Unfaithfully Yours with Moore in it.

RICK OVERTON

A wonderful stand-up and improviser, Rick Overton literally had a giant influence on my comedy career. As a college freshman, I jumped up onstage with Rick at the old Cobb's Comedy Club in the Cannery in San Francisco after one of his shows to do some improv. I did well, and was approached by Nancy Hayes, a casting director in town, who then hooked me up with some background work as well as my first agent, Mitchell Talent. Rick was always very encouraging of me, and I've sat in with him several times in the past--so I thank him immensely.

GREG PROOPS

An incredibly smart stand-up, Proops is also a fantastic improviser. He is largely responsible for my fledgling comedy career as well--after a New Year's improv show with him at Cobb's seven or so years ago, he urged me to move to Los Angeles and pursue my comedy and acting dreams. It was his validation that really tipped the scales and started my migration south. Thanks Greg!

I'm sure there are others that I have neglected to include...and please, leave me comments and let me know some of yours!

RiffTrax Presents: FOOTLOOSE with Janet Varney, and me, Cole Stratton!

Available today, November 5th...it's the third RiffTrax Presents from Janet Varney and lil' ol' me, Cole Stratton!

FOOTLOOSE

RiffTrax by Janet Varney and Cole Stratton

Click here to check it out!

Let’s hear it for the boy! What boy? Why, Ren McCormack (Kevin Bacon, at his Baconiest), an outspoken, rebellious lad with anger dancing issues and feathered hair that would make Sally Jessy Raphael jealous. The small town of Beaumont, Texas isn’t ready for his skinny tie ways—certainly not the tall, awkward town preacher Shaw Moore (played by John Lithgow, in a…tall and awkward performance), who spearheaded a law banning dancing after a fatal accident. Can Ren bring some joy to the youth of Beaumont, like Carrie Bradshaw-in-training Sarah Jessica Parker? Can he bring any emotion or semblance of acting to romantic interest Lori Singer, literally the last actress in Hollywood to be offered the role of the Reverend’s daughter Ariel? Can he teach Chris Penn a myriad of ridiculous choreography all the while sharing a walkman blaring Kenny Loggins “music”? And what the heck is Dianne Wiest doing in this?

Skewering this celebration of beat-up pickup trucks, mom jeans, shameless Coca-Cola product placement, and illegal rug-cutting are RiffTrax Presents regulars Cole Stratton (who was in Around The Fire with Stephen Tobolowsky, who was in Murder In The First with Kevin Bacon) and Janet Varney (who was in Catwoman with Sharon Stone, who was in He Said, She Said with Kevin Bacon). Everybody enjoy, everybody enjoy…everybody enjoy, everybody enjoy…everybody enjoy, everybody enjoy, everybody…everybody enjoy Footloose!

*For your Scott Baio "pleasure"...*

The best films that go bump in the night!

I'll always have a soft spot for Ray Bradbury.

Last Saturday, at the Aero in Santa Monica, I was fortunate enough to catch a screening of one of my favorite scary movies of all time--Something Wicked This Way Comes. What made the night truly special was that Bradbury introduced the screening himself. As he was helped in a few minutes before the film began (he's 88 now, and is wheelchair bound), the crowd immediately began applauding. His intro was pure bliss--he told the story of how, originally, he wrote the screenplay for his friend Gene Kelly, who tried to secure financing but failed. Disney soon picked it up, and, without telling Bradbury, hired someone to retool the script. The film tested miserably, and they came back to him to fix it. He rewrote, refilmed, and recut it, serving as the second director of the picture (though the original guy, Jack Clayton received sole credit). He's incredibly proud of the film, and rightly so. He then proceeded to watch the entire film with us, perched next to the front row, and when the movie ended, received a much deserved, long standing ovation. "God bless you all" he said, and with that, a barrage of pictures and greetings began.

After seeing the film, it got me thinking about all of my favorite scary movies--the kind that rely more on creativity, story and psychological scare tactics then the shock and over-the-top gore that seem to bleed through the multiplexes as of late (thankfully, I think we might have seen the end of the "torture porn" genre). So here is a list of some of the films that work for--that I like to pop in the DVD player in October, or when I want to be on the edge of my seat.

It seems like a natural to start with the film I saw not a week ago...

SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES (1983)

Let's face it--carney folk are creepy. Just witness the parade in the third act of Bradbury's classic, as the demented Mr. Dark (Jonathan Pryce, in a career performance) slowly turns from the city librarian (Jason Robards) and wickedly moves his barrage of oddities through town. Plus, it's got a scary little redhead kid that would give Chucky a run for his money. It's got some of your basic scares (lots and lots of tarantulas!), but it's the mood of the piece and the imagination behind it that make it enthralling.

THE THING (1982)

John Carpenter's masterful paranoia monster movie is one of the few cases where the remake is better than the original (no offense to Howard Hawks' 1951 version, a very good movie in it's own right). Kurt Russell stars as MacReady, one of a band of researchers at an Arctic outpost. As an alien virus spreads through them, former friends are pitted against one another as they try to find out who is still human, and who...well, who doesn't have much more screen time. The excellent cast also features David Clennan, Donald Moffat, TK Carter, Richard Masur, and Wilford Brimley, who does crazy oh-so-right here. Adding to the barren landscape is Ennio Morricone's thumping electronic score, which hits all the right eerie notes.

VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED (1960)

Based on John Wyndham's classic sci-fi novel "The Midwich Cuckoos," this moody film adaptation is beautifully directed and acted. After an unexplained town-wide sudden sleep, all of the women of child-bearing age are suddenly pregnant. They all give birth to blond-haired, fast growing children with penetrating eyes and a shared conscious--and the ability to force people to do whatever they want...and to punish them as well. It's up to George Sanders to find a way to stop them, before it's too late. A super-smart, well-drawn out piece of sci-fi dread, it's sadly overlooked by many. Give it (and it's excellent sequel, Children of the Damned) a shot.

THE TINGLER (1959)

Ah, William Castle's supremely silly and incredibly funny flick is filmed in--wait for it--SCREAMORAMA! Vincent Price plays a scientist who discovers that we all have a creature that lives inside us, attached to our backbones that feeds off our fear. When we scream, it is rendered harmless. But if we can't...look out! Those in the original auditoriums got to experience Percepto--which literally sent a shock through your seat.

TREMORS (1990)

A funny, scary homage to the creature features of the '50s, it stars Kevin Bacon and Fred Ward as two handymen who can't wait to get out of their small town--particularly on the day the "graboids" come to town. These giant, carnivorous, blind worms live underground and find their human prey through vibrations in the ground. Featuring Family Ties pop Michael Gross and country superstar Reba McEntire as the best kind of gun-totin' rednecks, the film manages to keep you on the edge of your seat, with your tongue firmly in cheek.

THE HAUNTING (1963)

Director Robert Wise has an amazingly deep resume--The Sound of Music, Star Trek, West Side Story, and this spooky film based on Shirley Jackson's novel. Take a journey into Hill House with a group of young folks who intend to debunk the rumors of a haunting--only to find themselves oh-so-not alone. A fine cast guide us through lots of jump moments in a classic of the genre. Skip the crap remake.

THE SHINING (1980)

How could I possibly leave Stanley Kubrick's bar-setting trippy horror movie off of my list? Moody, slow-starting but incredibly terrifying, all that needs to be said is: creepy twin girls and that tricycle sound. All blog and no play makes Cole a dull boy...

THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS (1993)

Tim Burton's imaginative stop-motion animated feature has become a holiday classic, especially around Disneyland, where the park transforms in the fall to reflect it. Jack Skellington, the mischievous brains behind Halloween, has grown tired of the same old thing (as expressed through song, thanks to Danny Elfman), and, after stumbling upon Christmastown, wants it for his own. A great voice cast (Chris Sarandon, Paul Reubens, Catherine O'Hara, William Hickey) bring these sharply drawn characters to life--plus, I love quoting the wolfman ("364!!!!!!")

THE MONSTER SQUAD (1987)

The film that defiantly answered the question that was on everyone's mind--Does Wolfman have nards? (The answer--OH YEAH). Scripted by Shane Black (yes, that Shane Black, of Lethal Weapon and Kiss Kiss Bang Bang fame), the film follows a group of pre-teens who find themselves up against a veritable army of classic horror staples like Dracula, The Creature, The Mummy, and the Wolfman. A fat kid with a shotgun ("MY NAME IS HORACE!"), a young Andre Gower, and an ultra-cool, shades tippin' teen named Rudy make up the core of the group in this fun, goofy genre skewer.

THE LOST BOYS (1987)

Man, The Monster Squad AND The Lost Boys in the same year? We were spoiled. Joel Schumacher's horror comedy is really the first teen vampire film (and no, they don't sparkle when in the sunlight), and features lots of great characters and a top-notch young cast. When Lucy (Dianne Wiest) moves her family to Santa Carla (aka Santa Cruz), her sons Michael (Jason Patric) and Sam (Corey "Mouth Agape" Haim) have a hard time fitting in. Michael quickly becomes infatuated with the mysterious Star (Jami Gertz) and falls in with her weird gang, led by David (Kiefer Sutherland) who may or may not be vampires. When Michael finds himself craving blood and floating outside his brother's window, it's time to bring in help--Sam enlists the Frog Brothers (Jamison Newlander and Corey Feldman), self-professed comic book and vamp experts, to battle David's crew. Lots of humor and violence in equal doses, and a super 80's soundtrack.

MAGIC (1978)

One of the downright creepiest movies ever made, with an amazing pedigree of talent behind it. Directed by Richard Attenborough from a script by William Goldman, it follows Magician's assistant Corky (Anthony Hopkins, chillingly good) who finds success with a ventriloquism act. But when his dummy Fats starts controlling his life, terrible things start to happen. Let's face it--ventriloquist dummies are frightening by nature (remember the one in that 80s sci-fi film Making Contact? Creeptastic!), and this psychological horror movie hits all the right disturbing notes.

THE INNOCENTS (1961)

Henry James' novel The Turn of the Screw has been filmed several times, but none better than this version starring Deborah Kerr. (Footnote: I starred in an oh-so-horrible indie version of the book made in 2000--I played Miles, who is supposed to be like 10 in the book, but they made him high school aged--and it starred Elaine Corral Kendall, former anchor of the FOX affiliate in San Francisco). Shot in stark black and white, this tale of murderous children and their spooked nanny is top-notch.

SECONDS (1966)

One of my cinematic gems from early blog posts, this incredibly bizarre and chilling commentary on second chances is just as shocking as it was when it was released. Directed by John Frankenheimer, it features Rock Hudson's best and most complex performance ever as the new body for depressed Arthur Hamilton, who pays for a second chance at life. But with that trade comes a terrible, terrible consequence. Breathtaking cinematography from James Wong Howe, who utilized extreme close-ups and fish-eye lenses to startling effect.

POLTERGEIST (1982)

Steven Spielberg produced Tobe Hopper's incredibly terrifying look at a family whose home is taken over by spirits (never buy a house built on an Indian burial ground!). Featuring a freaky clown (are there any other kinds?) and little Heather O'Rourke, this is one of the scariest PG movies ever made. Unsettling, to say the least.

KILLER KLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE (1988)

Speaking of clowns, this silly and disgusting horror comedy follows an alien invasion of the goofiest kind--these Klowns kill with pies and other circus-y methods. It's the best kind of '80s cheese--and has a theme song by The Dickies.

WAIT UNTIL DARK (1967)

Not a horror movie per se, but an intensely terrifying thriller with some of the scariest jump moments ever captured on film. Based on the play by Frederick Knott, Audrey Hepburn plays a blind woman terrified by thugs who believe she has a heroin-stuffed doll in her possession that they'll stop at nothing to get. Alan Arkin is especially frightening as psychopath Rote, and the film's breathtaking climax will have you grasping the arm rest.

JAWS (1975)

We're gonna need a bigger boat! One of the most successful creature features of all time, it relies heavily on cool film tricks since the mechanical shark, Bruce, sunk more often than it worked. This fucked up many-a-kid my age, and definitely didn't do beaches any favors. The shark only chews slightly less scenery than Robert Shaw does.

THE HITCHER (1986)

More psychological than gruesome (the remake went the opposite direction), C. Thomas Howell stars as a young man who picks up a hitchhiker (Rutger Hauer, Creepy with a capital C) named John Ryder, who terrorizes Howell and his girlfriend Nash (Jennifer Jason Leigh). It becomes more and more nightmarish as it goes along.

GREMLINS 2: THE NEW BATCH (1990)

An incredibly silly follow-up to the surprise smash hit of the '80s, this time the mischeivous critters take over New York and run rampant over a giant business building, including a television studio. Cameos from Hulk Hogan, Dick Butkus, Henry Gibson, Bubba Smith highlight this enjoyably slight film--and don't miss Tony Randall as the voice of a hyper-evolved Gremlin.

INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS (1978)

Kevin McCarthy's original could have easily been on the list too, but I'm partial to Philip Kaufman's 78 version, featuring Donald Sutherland, Leonard Nimoy, Jeff Goldblum and Brooke Adams. The mood is dreadfully eerie, and the ending is the satisfyingly bleak.

THE WATCHER IN THE WOODS (1980)

This Disney production scarred the bejeezus out of me as a kid! A family moves to a secluded English house and strange, paranormal occurances start happening, including visions of a teenage girl who disappeared long ago. Bette Davis headlines this dark, "family" thriller.

THE FRIGHTENERS (1996)

A misunderstood but highly enjoyable horror comedy hybrid from Peter Jackson, who takes a break from low-budget gore like Bad Taste to helm this studio picture. Michael J. Fox plays Frank Bannister, who, after a terrible accident that kills his wife, gains psychic abilities that let him communicate with ghosts. He works as a freelance exorcist, with most people believing him to be a conman. When a reaper-esque ghost starts killing people, he finds himself trying to stop the undead killer. I find this one more and more intriguing with every viewing.

FLATLINERS (1990)

Any movie where a kid in a blue hoody beats the crap out of Kiefer Sutherland is good in my book! Joel Schumacher's stylish mind-trip follows a band of medical students, who induce death to get a glimpse of the afterlife, only to pull themselves back at the last minute. Only they aren't coming back alone. An excellent cast and dramatic cinematography are highlights.

FIRE IN THE SKY (1993)

One of the most terrifying alien abduction movies ever made--period. There are a handful of sequences in this film that are nightmare inducing--including one where Travis (D.B. Sweeney) is dragged down an alien corridor and experimented upon. The pic also stars James Garner, Robert Patrick, Henry Thomas, Craig Sheffer and Peter Berg.

EVIL DEAD 2: DEAD BY DAWN (1987)

Sam Raimi's bravura hyperkinetic splatterfest is an exhiliratingly fun film experience. It doesn't get any cooler than Bruce Campbell, who plays demon-battling Ash, who has a bad run in with the Necronomicon, the book of the dead. The sequel, Army of Darkness, is also a lot of fun. "I'll swallow your soul!" "Swallow this!"

DREAMSCAPE (1984)

Aaaaaaah! Snake man! That guy lost me SO much sleep as a kid. Dennis Quaid stars in this look at psychics who can enter people's dreams...one of which is killing people. Did I mention a snake man? On a train? *shiver*

CRITTERS (1986)

I like the sequel just as much, but this original tale of nasty little killer furballs from space and the small town they terrorize is B-movie magic. A young Scott Grimes stars as Brad Brown, who fights with his family (including mom Dee Wallace Stone and sister's boyfriend Billy Zane) against the creatures, with the help of town drunk Charlie (Don Opper), two shapeshifting bounty hunters (including Broadway vet Terrence Mann), and sherrif Harv (M. Emmett Walsh). A nice mixture of humor and sci-fi thrills, it was directed by Stephen "Mighty Ducks" Herek.

BEETLE JUICE (1988)

Tim Burton's triumphant ghost comedy gave Michael Keaton his best role to date as the hyper title trickster, who is unleashed by the recently dead Maitlands (Geena Davis and Alec Baldwin) to help spook the new living owners out of their dreamhouse. The rest of the cast is great, too, including Winona Ryder, Catherine O'Hara, Jeffrey Jones, Glenn Shadix and Robert Goulet. The film holds up marvelously and is just as fun now as the day it came out.

LADY IN WHITE (1988)

Little Lukas Haas plays Frankie, a troubled kid who gets locked in a school closet and sees the ghost of a young girl who was murdered years ago. He soon finds himself stalked by her killer, who is closer than he thinks. Some truly chilling moments here in this superior supernatural thriller.

NEEDFUL THINGS (1993)

Stephen King's novel is brought to shimmering life in this exciting story of Castle Rock, Maine, where a new resident is stirring up trouble in the peaceful hamlet. That resident--the devil himself, as played with wicked malice by the great Max Von Sydow. Ed Harris plays the local sherrif, who does his best to take on Beelzebub and protect his love (Bonnie Bedelia). Amanda Plummer is at her kookiest here as Nettie, and the late great JT Walsh at his slimiest. It all comes to a chaotic boil as the town nearly burns. It received mixed reviews when it opened, but I really think it works.

STIR OF ECHOES (1999)

Directorial debut of accomplished screenwriter David Koepp is a genuinely scary ghost tale with an undead gal that likes to pop up at the worst times and a kid who can talk to ghosts. This one had me from the first frame all the way to the end.

13 GHOSTS (1960)

Nope, not the so-so remake, but the so-so original! Another wacky William Castle flick, in ILLUSION-O! You need a ghost-viewer to see, well, the ghosts in this gimmicky fun film. Be sure to put on your special glasses to fully enjoy this campy hoot.

Whatever you watch, have a great HALLOWEEN!

**Oh, and here's Scott Baio, as a costume! Woo-hoo!**

The fine art of Halloween costumes...

With All Hallows Eve right around the corner, the pressure is on to come up with that perfect costume...whether you are hitting the crowded streets with wandering masqueraders, going to a friend's apartment for a shindig, or just staying home watching old Universal monster movies with a bowl full of candy for tiny trick-or-treaters, the right outfit is essential. Looking back over my many years of dressing up for the holiday, there were a few times I nailed, and a few that to this day are a headscratcher. So here's a brief review of my personal dress-up experiences, followed by a guide to help you plan the best outfit for you!

The Good:

Amelie--When I first moved to Los Angeles, back in 2003, I decided to kick off my first Halloween here with my only cross-dressing costume to date. That of Jean-Pierre Jeunet's adorable pixie Amelie, played in the film by Audrey Tautou. Donning a short black skirt and wig, and lips and sweater a crimson red, I coyly grinned at everyone at the party, confusing most, but thriving on the "holy shit, you're Amelie!" responses that came every once in a while. Those are my favorite kinds of outfits--the ones where most people will just blink at you, but the ones who get it really get it. Here's a pic of it:

Jareth, the Goblin King--I've always been a big fan of David Bowie. I own everything he's ever recorded. An iconic musician, he's also a very underrated actor, excellent in films like Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence and The Prestige. His magical teaming with Jim Henson to create Labyrinth made a family classic that I wore out on VHS growing up. So it seemed inevitable that I would eventually go as his Toby-snatching Goblin King, sporting a spiky blond wig, puffy pirate shirt and tight pants. Plus, this is the only time you'll ever be able to see Jareth play air hockey.

Andy Warhol--Black turtleneck, white hair. Easy. Fun.

J.D.--Yep, that's Christian Slater's slurpee-guzzlin', easy-goin' psycho from the cult classic Heathers. Trench coat, tall hair, dynamite strapped to my chest. To make it even better, my wife Jenny went as Veronica.

Spiderman Cowboy--Maybe my favorite ever, it was a take on kids who invent their own weird hybrid costumes. It consisted of Spiderman underoos, a holster, a cowboy hat and boots. Yippe kay yay, evil dooers!

The Bad:

A White Rapper-- Or, as we called them in junior high, a "milk chicken." What can I say, Vanilla Ice and Snow were on my mind at the time.

A Jukebox--Wha? We turned a giant fridge box into an old-fashioned juke, with two liter Sprite bottles on the sides. I have absolutely NO idea why we came up with that, or worse yet, actually made it and wore it out.

A Shark--In theory, this is good, except that it was tall and pointy with the mouth opening where my face is, and everyone thought I was a rocket. Which was...annoying.

There were many others: Rocky, a Werewolf, Pirates, Wolverine, Greg Brady, Tigers Relief pitcher Willie Hernandez, etc. Not sure what you want to be this year? Keep these pointers in mind:

Is it topical? Then you DON'T want to be it. Last year, every party was crawling with 15 Sarah Palins. This year, you are going to see Jon and Kate Gosselins, Kanye Wests and Octomoms everywhere you look. Oh, and Balloon Boys. It's not clever. It's not fun. And you have ZERO chance of winning any costume contests.

Slutty and/or Zombie is the easy way out. Yes, us fellas aren't going to mind seeing you gals as Slutty Librarians, Slutty Nurses, or Slutty Policewomen, but there isn't much creativity going on there. Ditto on zombie-fied versions of traditional costumes--especially when pretty much every other horror movie in the last couple of years has been zombie based.

Too soon? YES, IT PROBABLY IS. I expect to see it, but I just don't want to--expect tons of Michael Jacksons, Farrah Fawcetts, Patrick Swayzes, and even Soupy Saleses...done up in disgusting ways.

Don't worry about it not being immediately recognizable. The best costumes are a bit off the beaten path. You don't have to worry about seeing a bunch of Sam Waterston outfits out there, and although not that many people will recognize you, the ones that do will get a kick out of it. Just carry around a sound effect of the Law & Order CLANG CLANG with you, and you are good to go.

Dress weather appropriate. I made the mistake of going as Magnum, P.I. in the cold, wintry night of San Francisco one year. Shorts and a Hawaiian shirt do not equal happy partying in that circumstance. If you're going to be outside, think of something that you can be in that won't damper your spirits. Ditto on the Eskimo costume if you're attending a crowded house party.

Be safe, have fun, and Happy Halloween!

Two more Group Health spots...starring ME!

A few months back, I shot a 5-spot commercial campaign for Group Health, a Seattle-based health care provider. Three of the spots went live when I first posted about it, and the final two have finally started airing. So enjoy the wacky writers room of "Action Doctors," featuring yours truly as Writer #4.

"THE SILENT KILLER"

"COORDINATION"

**BAIO!**

Because Family Matters...matters.

Got a lot on my plate this week with writing for my third RiffTrax Presents (official announcement coming in a few weeks!). Since I've got to dive into that, for the time being, enjoy this video. It's a "remix" of the opening credits to the "great" sitcom Family Matters, as engineered by Scott Gairdner (he does a lot of great shorts, which you can see on You Tube or his website, Scott Gairdner.com). It's obnoxiously funny!

October means NHL action! Three people rejoice!

It's time for HOCKEY! Yes, it's fallen out of favor with viewing audiences (well, I'm not sure it ever really was IN favor, but, you know...), but my pulse quickens whenever October rolls around and I know I'm in store for 82 contests of the greatest game in the world! A lifelong Detroit Red Wings fan (yes, I'm from Michigan, so no band wagon behavior for me), I remember the bad times in the early '80s as well as their rise to one of the consistently great franchises in the league. I hardly miss a game, and enjoy flipping around my DIRECTV Center Ice package to see what the rest of the league has in store. From the impressive young Blackhawk team with explosive young stars Patrick Kane and Jonathan Toews, to the Pens and Sid the Kid, to the ageless netminding wonder Marty Brodeur in NJ, there are many great matchups on any given night. But my love of hockey doesn't stop there--here are many things about the game and related media that I enjoy. So sit back and serve a few in the sin bin while you peruse this...

STEVE YZERMAN

My favorite all-time hockey player, the long time captain of the Red Wings is one of the best leaders and gentlemen on and off the ice. He helped lead the franchise out of the doldrums and into contention, and while his supporting players may have rotated (Dino Ciccarelli, Paul Coffey, Brendan Shanahan, Luc Robataille, Brett Hull, etc.), Stevie was always the key to the Wings' cup conquests (his double OT goal against St. Louis always comes to mind). One of my prized possessions is a pic taken of me in the front row of a San Jose Sharks game in the early 90s, right next to the penalty box, where Stevie was serving two (plus, I have ridiculous floppy Edward Furlong hair). I miss seeing Stevie on the ice, facing off against retired Avalanche captain Joe Sakic. Heck, I miss that heated ol' Avalanche/Wings rivalry. Great times.

THE SLOW-CLAP IN MYSTERY, ALASKA

Not a very good movie. But anything where a team comes up short, only to have the stunned silence broken by steadily growing slow-clap warms my heart. I enjoy starting them in public.

GOOD OL' HOCKEY NAMES

Hockey players have the best names, hands down. Saku Koivu (pictured above). Teppo Numminen. Radek Bonk. Jordin Tootoo. Roman Hamrlik. Sergei Krivokrasov. Ruslan Fedotenko. Miroslav Satan. Tuomo Ruutu. Jaromir Jagr. Zigmund Palffy. Jeff Beukeboom. Jukka-Pekka Seppo. Maurice "Rocket" Richard. Mika Kiprusoff. And sooooo many more!

ZAMBONIS

Ya gotta love those hypnotic ice resurfacers. Plus, if you are at a game and see the Zamboni hit the ice, odds are T-Shirt cannons are coming your way!

WAYNE GRETZKY ON SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE

894 goals. 1,963 assists. A career +518. 4 Stanley Cups. 1 time hosting SNL. His slap shot couldn't help his comedic timing as the Great One turned in a wooden glued-to-the-teleprompter performance. Still, it was cool seeing him interact with Wayne and Garth. TRIVIA NUGGET: The musical guest was Fine Young Cannibals.

MR. HOCKEY

Gordie Howe is amazing. The guy played FOREVER (6 decades!--if you count the one shift he played at 70 years old on the Detroit Vipers in the IHL). He played with his sons on the Houston Aeros and Hartford Whalers. A player could take pride in a "Gordie Howe Hat Trick," which was 1 goal, 1 assist, and 1 fight. A big, physical player with an incredibly knack for finding the back of the net, Howe is one of the most beloved figures in all of hockey. Heck, his jersey is forever immortalized on the back of Cameron Frye in John Hughes' classic Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

DARREN PANG

Holy jumpin'! I love me some Panger. The tiny, bald ex-Chicago Blackhawk goaltender is my favorite hockey analyst/color man, constantly piping in with some great tidbits and family-friendly white guy slang.

THE MIGHTY DUCKS AND COACH BOMBAY

Emilio's finest hour (well, not really). But you gotta love any movie franchise that lets one player lasso another player on the ice.

THE MIRACLE ON ICE

The U.S. Olympic Hockey Team's gigantic upset of Russia at the Lake Placid 1980 games isn't just the biggest upset in hockey history, but perhaps all of sports. It would be like Rocky 4, but instead of Stallone beating Ivan Drago, it was a myopic kitten getting the job done. The movie dramatization with Kurt Russell is pretty good, but be sure to find a doc with some of the actual footage and team interviews. The guys are pretty interesting characters, particularly captain Mike Eruzione, goaltender Jim Craig, and hall-of-fame coach Herb Brooks.

BARRY MELROSE'S POWERFUL MULLET

Ya gotta love Barry. I let his hair call all of the shots in my life.

THE HANSON BROTHERS

The break-out stars from the profanely beautiful Paul Newman hockey classic Slap Shot, the bespectacled Hanson Brothers brought extra-curricular scraps to the level of art. Honorable mention to french-speaking Denis, who, at the start of the film, describes going to the penalty box: "You go, by yourself. You feel shame. Then you are free."

THROWING SHIT ON THE ICE

Well, this practice is long since gone. I really miss the flying octopii on Detroit ice, or the stuffed Penguins in Pittsburgh. The league threatened to fine Wings Zamboni driver Al Sobotka if he did his octopus twirl (shown above) anymore. Still, people do occasionally toss their caps on the ice when a player gets a Hat Trick.

DON CHERRY'S SUBTLE WARDROBE

This long-time Canadian hockey commentator makes Prince look like a school marm. If his extreme opinions and off-color comments don't startle you, his blazers will.

MVP: MOST VALUABLE PRIMATE

Chimps playing hockey! Chimps playing hockey! Well, Chimp playing hockey. This entry into the MVP series (a knockoff of the AirBud films) shows us that a properly trained monkey can be a serious threat if left alone in the slot. Doesn't get back well on D, though, so don't expect a good plus/minus.

WAYNE GRETZKY HOCKEY FOR THE 8-BIT NINTENDO

Ah, the charming, fun ol' Nintendo game, where, due to the lack of A.I., a wrap-around goal was ALWAYS effective. Better get used to that aerial view, 'cuz that's all you are getting.

NHL 09 (PS3)

This hockey game is KILLER. The graphics are unreal, the play control complex but exciting, and the commentators (Gary Thorne and Bill Clement) are the best you could hope for! Plus, it's fun to drop the gloves as Darren McCarty and stick it to some hapless Blues 4th liner.

**I know, I know. Too long between blog posts, so here's your required Baio photo. I wonder if Scott digs hockey?**

Cinematic gems #13: The TV Set

The TV Set, Jake (son of Lawrence) Kasdan's 2006 pitch-perfect satire of network television, is a biting, funny, clever spiral into the madness of pilot production. The film stars a sublime David Duchovny as writer Mike Klein, who is in high spirits as the pilot he penned is about to enter into production. An intensely personal project for him, Klein, who is expecting a baby with his wife (Justine Bateman), feels he must make concessions to an ever-hands on Network president (played with icy zeal by a never-better Sigourney Weaver). Those concessions include replacing TJ, his preferred leading man (a bearded and funny Simon Helberg) with insecure, over-the-top Zach (Dollhouse's Fran Kranz, appropriately irritating) and changing many story specifics--including the suicide of the protagonist's brother, which was the entire impetus of his show. It also takes a toll on new good-guy executive Richard (Ioan Gruffudd), a Brit brought over to the states to add some perceived "class" to the network, who does his best to smooth things over with the production while his marriage (to The Office's Lucy Davis) falls apart. Will Mike make it through the back pain, added fart-effects and constant humiliation to see his show make it to the fall lineup? Or will reality programming and the Seth Green-hosted Slut Wars put him out of the running?

The best satire is grounded in reality, and this world will ring true to anyone who has dabbled in the industry. Weaver, whose role was originally written for a man, particularly excels here as Net Pres Lenny. An ultimately clueless big-game talker with brass balls, she's the kind of powerful Hollywood player that drives an artist nuts. Judy Greer is great as Mike's peace-keeping manager (who, in a very funny scene, admits she has never seen Scorsese's "The Taxi Driver" but will rent it soon). The rest of the cast is more than game, and features a ton of familiar faces, including Matt Besser, Matt Price, Lindsay Sloane, MC Gainey, Katherine Joost, Jonathan Silverman, Philip Baker Hall, Alan Blumenfeld, Nat Saxon, Andrea Martin and Willie Garson (who is a hoot as a dense director with no concept of shot composition). The slow-burning layers of Klein's ultimate breakdown are brilliantly constructed, and played perfectly by Duchovny, who the audience really feels for. Kasdan's script and sense of tone are spot-on, making The TV Set a strong snapshot of a futile business, where it's a wonder that, ultimately, anything gets made at all.

These tattoos are PERMANENTLY awful!

This past weekend, I was in lovely New Orleans, LA for a wedding. During the many hurricanes, mint juleps, and "3 for 1" beverages, the topic of tattoos came up, with two of my sister-in-laws considering getting one while they were there. I have nothing against tattoos--the right hidden pic or meaningful phrase can be a source of pride and add character. There's just nothing I can think of that I would want to have permanently inked onto my body (other than, of course, John Stamos clinging to the back of a giant panda, or Reginald Vel Johnson flipping off the Statue of Liberty). I've heard many horror stories of some tattoo mistakes friends have made, but none can be as bad as the tattoos I've collected and commented on below. Take a look, but be forewarned: SOME ARE ADULT IN NATURE!

So...their offspring would be purple right? Purple, mythical, and horny.

Well, they got the comedy right...but the rest is a real "tradgey."

"No no no! I said I fucking love vegetables, not vegetables fu--nevermind. *sigh*"

"What do you mean Tower Records doesn't exist anymore? Where am I going to work?"

Hi ho, hi ho, don't wanna see this no mo'...

Well, we don't need to wonder anymore--now we know EXACTLY what Voldemort would like like with a Fu Manchu.

Hey baby, I hear tattoos a'callin.' Tossed salad and scrambled eggs!

"Get these mutha' fuckin' snakes off my mutha' fuckin' plain...ol' arm!"

I support the format, too, but...I guess it's not as mortifying as the BetaMax tat on his forehead.

Hours upon hours were spent on this design. Elegant, yet simple. A tattoo triumph. Dick Butt, indeed, kind sir...Dick Butt indeed.

"I mean, I really, really love Dolphins. And marijuana. Those are, like, my two passions in life. Porpoises and Pot. Do you have anything in your book that encompasses both of--oh shit, you do!"

Eww...just...eww.

Worst tattoo ever, or BEST TATTOO IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD? I'll let you be the judge. (I hope this isn't how I now remember Patrick Swayze...I love the guy!)

Not cool be confused with Vanilla Ice, who is cool AS ice, not Mr. Cool Ice. I like the "aww shucks" expression of the skeleton.

For all true HulkamaniBACKS.

This one is pretty famous...an epic, epic tattoo art failure. When beauty becomes beast...

Upside: For your armpit, EVERY week is Shark Week!

I'm shakin' for a little Cl'aiken! If I were invisible...I'd be a much better tattoo!

Because you didn't ask for it...my cover of the Riverbottom Nightmare Band song!

As you've probably guessed by the title of my blog (or read the very first post), I'm a big fan of Jim Henson's perennial holiday classic, Emmet Otter's Jugband Christmas. It's still as magical to me now as it was when I was a child (this was my favorite, my brother Shea was obsessed with Henson's The Christmas Toy). As much as I loved Emmet, his ma, and the Bob Dylan-esque Percy Woodchuck (his rendition of "Barbecue" is timeless), the real stars of the piece where the ruffian Riverbottom Nightmare Band, the roughest, toughest Bear/Weasel/Lizard/Frog/Fish band anywhere on the planet. Their self-titled psychedelic song in the talent contest was constantly rewound and watched over and over, with every nuance memorized and repeated to family members, friends and acquaintances. Once I finally got Garageband on my MacBook, one of the first things I recorded was an all-a capella version of the song, with me doing several layers of multi-tracked vocals approximating every instrument and lyric of the piece. Granted, I was using a piece-o-shit $20 USB microphone (I've since got the Blue Snowball Mic, which is amazing), but the results are pretty good. I mentioned in my very first blog post that I would post the song, so, late as it may be, here it is! Crank it up, and consider yourself an honorary Riverbottom Nightmare Bander!

RIVERBOTTOM NIGHTMARE BAND SONG (CLICK PLAY!)

I've also included the YouTubed version of outtakes from the television special--it's amazing to see Henson's crew improvising in character. So check em out!

**More then 3 days since my last blog post, so it's time for another Scott Baio photo...this time from the Jugband Christmas Edition. Sorry for the delay--I've been traveling (New Orleans!) and it's my Birthday, so back off!**

The MVPs of PSAs!

I really miss the ol' public service announcements (PSAs) from the TV of my youth. With Smokey the Bear, McGruff the Crime Dog, Woodsy Owl and celebs like Nancy McKeon, Soleil Moon Frye, and Jason Bateman doing their part, we learned about safety, drugs, the environment and all sorts of life lessons while filling our heads with mindless entertainment. With a little poking around, I found a bunch of my favorites from when I was kid. So here are a few of them. Enjoy, but most importantly...LEARN!

I LEARNED IT BY WATCHING YOU!

Still quoted to this day by my generation, witness the best/worst parental/child drug confrontation ever.

YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Simple, effective, timeless...and somehow appetizing.

WHO BROKE MY WINDOW?

Telling the truth isn't going to be easy for tiny Alfonso Ribeiro after he breaks old man Robinson's window with a baseball in this rockopera by the Mormon Church. I never associated this with religion at all as a child--but I did learn that if I SUNG the truth, things could all work out in the end.

TIME FOR TIMER

I sure was hankerin' for a hunka cheese after these spots ran on Saturday morning. Never mind that it's a creepy pale yellow stetson-wearin' walkin' thing trying to sell us on an afternoon dairy treat.

DON'T DO CRACK!

If Pee-Wee won't do crack, neither will I. I mean, he's a loner, a rebel, Dottie, but he's not stupid. The site of Reubens deep in character in this deadly serious spot always stuck with me.

STAR WARS ANTI-SMOKING

Look, it's stressful being a droid, and sometimes R2 just needs a drag or 2. I just wish C3Party Pooper understood.

CAPTAIN OG READMORE

Not only did he introduce me to the Secret World of Og on Saturday mornings, but Captain OG Readmore took time to remind us of the power of reading. And if a cartoon cat with a Captain's rank tells me to read, then I am going to.

WOODSY OWL: DON'T POLLUTE!

We all know the drill--in the city, or in the woods, help keep America looking good. At least that's what giant Robin-Hood wanna Owl Woodsy would like us to do. The song really resonates, especially when it's signed to me.

McGRUFF THE CRIME DOG: BIKE THEFT!

In order to fight crime, you need two things: Chutzpah, and a giant over sized walkie talkie.

ONE TO GROW ON with JASON BATEMAN

Tiny Jason Bateman does his best to caution us against noise pollution. So if you're an 80s punk with absolutely horrid taste in music, do not force it upon passengers on public transportation.

ALCOHOL PSA with SHABBA-DOO

Poppin. Lockin. Advisin.'

***It's been more than 3 days, so this is where normally you'd get the required Scott Baio photo.

I'm gonna go one better, and give you an early Love Boat clip with Scott Baio falling for Kristy McNichol. Talk about storybook romances!

My oh my...those are some terrible mascots!

I'll just put this out there:

MASCOTS ARE STUPID.

Sure, they can be fun for families with small kids, but most of the time, they are distracting from the game going on at hand. For everyone fun iconic one like the San Diego Chicken, there are a dozen like the ones I am listing below. Odd, weird, inappropriate or just plain dumb mascots--and all of these are real. Take, for example:

Western Kentucky Hilltoppers

"Big Red"

You've probably seen him on the ESPN commercials, and maybe he's won you over with his pizazz, but in reality, he's a giant red blob that runs rampant on the sidelines. He's like Grimace, but with a terrible rash.

Rhode Island School of Design Nads

"Scrotie"

Yeah...this is real. You've got to have one helluva backbone to don a giant dick suit, especially one that EXPOSES YOUR FACE. Though I bet it would be fun to see the look on the clerk's face when you take it in to the dry cleaners (lots of 'Permanent Press' jokes come to mind).

Oberlin Yeomen

It's a super odd choice to represent your school--watch out, rivals, 'cuz you are about to take on land-owning free members of the working class!

Whittier University Poets

Nothing quite strikes fear into your opponents than the thought of all that iambic pentameter coming at you in the fourth quarter!

Trinity Christian College Trolls

Fi fie fo fum, I smell the blood of a mascot dumb! Though does have a competitive advantage in games played under bridges.

Syracuse University Orangemen

"Otto the Orange"

So your mascot is a citrus fruit with a German name. Das ist dumm.

Standford University Cardinals

"The Tree"

From what I understand, the mascot technically belongs to their band. Though after M. Night Shyamalamadingdong's The Happening, the tree is a little scarier than it used to be. Gets the award for the cheapest looking of all mascot costumes.

Stetson Hatters

Ok, I get it, if your University is named after a hat it seems logical. Still, at least be MAD hatters so you will seem unpredictable to your opponents.

The Tampa Bay Rays

"Raymond"

Like a scary refugee from a third-world Chucky Cheese, Raymond serves only to creep out fans in Florida. What the hell IS he, anyway?

Delta State University Fighting Okra

Yes, fighting OKRA. A boxing-gloved vegetable, forced down the throats of children everywhere who don't want to eat him!

Fort Wayne Mad Ants

Truly the pest of the mascot world, it would only be impressive if he could carry the whole team on his back. Literally. I mean, ants are supposed to be able to lift 10-50 times their own body weight, right?

Grays Harbor College Chokers

Named after tree-cleaning settlers, chokers are truly brave, tough individuals. But in sports, if you name your team CHOKERS it's just not going to end well on the score sheet.

Evergreen State College Geoducks

Or "Gooey Ducks," as they are referred to, these slimy mollusks are a bizarre choice for a mascot. Plus, the costume is downright creepy, looking a bit like frosted sugar cookies with a pickle in between them.

Presbyterian College Blue Hose

Ok, ok, so the picture is wrong...they are actually named after a stocking-clad Scotsman. Still, weird sounding choice.

University of Santa Cruz Banana Slugs

"Sammy"

Ah, yes, UC Santa Cruz and their mascot, the Banana Slug, who's Latin name A. Dolichyphallus translates as "giant penis." I'm not kidding--Banana Slug members are nearly their entire body length. Maybe they should face off against Rhode Island and Scrotie.

Austin Peay State Governors

Watch out--they may veto that last minute shot you were thinking of hoisting at the buzzer.

Scottsdale Community College Fighting Artichokes

"Artie"

They'll be in serious trouble if they play the Sacramento Shallot-Thyme Drawn Butterers or the Western Washington Mustard-Worcestershire Sauce.

If you have any other weird mascots to share, kindly wax about them in the comments.