Friday, July 31, 2009

What do you think 'sin the burgers?

I was saddened to hear about the passing of Les Lye, Canadian character actor extraordinaire, best known for his cavalcade of characters on You Can't Do That On Television (he played Barth, El Capitano, and the on-screen station manager). As a child of Nickelodeon, I was raised on Canadian kids shows, include YCDTOT, Pinwheel, and Today's Special. I was more apt to rave about Plus and Minus than Bert and Ernie--I loved fancy Muffy the Mouse and the slime antics of Allisdair and Christine (a.k.a. "Moose"). Every now and then I find myself muttering, "We must be in the opposites!" and watching the skies should I say "Water" or "I don't know." Heck, YCDTOT also featured a young Alanis Morrissette, pre Dave Coulier baggage. The show had a bit of a Monty Python mentality with lots of vaudeville schtick thrown in, and truly anchored the Nickelodeon line up for the decade it was on television. Les, you'll be missed.

Here is a chunk of video from the show, which includes Lye's famous characters ("Ready...Aim...!"), a lengthy opposites section, and good ol' Christine.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Aaaaaaand I won't be able to ever sleep again...

Sometimes advertisers really misfire... Sure, the spots are memorable, but in a "disturbing images seared into my retinas" kind of way. So here is a collection of spots sure to disrupt your slumber habits from now on..."enjoy!"

Funny...I didn't laugh once. Just cried...a lot.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall...Humpty Dumpty had a great fall...eventually, after creeping the shit out of me.

I...I don't want to beat you...I...I just want to play Metroid...I swear!

Sure am glad that Ronald evolved out of this McNightmare version...

I was ok with the crying and burping and everything else...until that haunting, final image of one baby with a secret...



Ok, so this one isn't really scary...just a little disturbing. Hilariously disturbing...

Monday, July 27, 2009

Oh's Guilty Pleasures 26-50!

When I did my blog post a couple of days ago with my top 25 guilty pleasure films, I found myself remembering a plethora more of questionable films I can't take my eyes off of. So...since no one asked for additional 25!

26. ZAPPED! (1982)
Whoah...Scott Baio actually made it into a blog post, and not as a penalty to myself. He and Charles in Charge co-star/Bibleman Willie Aames star as geeky students whose lives change when Baio develops telekinetic powers. A worthy precursor to Weird Science...and much better than it's sequel, Zapped Again!

27. THE WIZARD (1989)
Finally! A film not afraid to deal with the big issues of autism and video game addiction! A stirring portrait of a family torn apart by...wait...oh, yeah, this is that 90 minute Nintendo commercial with Fred Savage, Luke Edwards, Rilo Kiley's Jenny Lewis, Christian Slater and Beau Bridges. Man, I sure hope they get to California so that vid wiz can win a meaningless competition!

Let's complete our Jenny Lewis double-bill with this charmer with Shelley Long, Craig T. Nelson, Kellie Martin and Mary Gross that combines everyone's two favorite things--Beverly Hills excess and organized scout troops!

29. SUMMER SCHOOL (1987)
Carl Reiner directed this criminally overlooked '80s teen comedy that stars Mark Harmon as beloved Phys Ed teacher Freddy Shoop, stuck teaching summer school to a bunch of misfit kids (including THE Dean Cameron, Courtney Thorne-Smith, Richard Horvitz, Shawnee Smith and Kelly Jo Minter) while flirting with then slim Kirstie Alley. Infinitely quotable and hilarious, and it totally holds up today. "Can I call my folks and tell them I won't be coming home...ever?"

Silly comedy following an alien invasion during a broadcast of War of the Worlds and featuring a very young Ariana Richards (Jurassic Park). Not a good movie by any stretch of the imagination, but one that never ceases to be amusing.

31. STRANGE BREW (1983)
Dave Thomas and Rick Moranis bring their beer-drinking hoser characters Bob and Doug Mackenzie to the big screen in this loose adaptation of Hamlet ( is...I'm not kidding about that!). Add the voice of Mel Blanc, a flying dog named Hosehead and the slickly evil Max Von Sydow, and you've got a cult comedy classic!

Shane Black (Lethal Weapon, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang) scripted this loving homage to classic monster movies--it's a band of ragtag kids (led by Andre Gower) vs. Dracula, the Wolfman, the Creature, and Frankenstein (Tom Noonan). We learned a lot watching it--that Fat Kid can wield a shotgun; that riding a BMX bike and shades makes you cool; and that the Wolfman has nards. Look for The Wonder Years' Jason Hervey and Napoleon Dynamite's Jon Gries as a bully and the human form of the wolfman, respectively.

Why the fourth in the never ending franchise? Well, you've got your regular wacky law enforcers in Mahoney (Steve "The Gutt" Guttenberg), Hightower (Bubba Smith), Tackleberry (David Graf), Jones (Michael Winslow), Sweetchuck (Tim Kazerinsky), Hooks (Marion Ramsey), Callahan (Leslie Eastbrook), Proctor (Lance Kinsey), Harris (G.W. Bailey), Zed (Bobcat Goldthwait) and Lassard (George Gaynes). But you've also got CIVILIAN recruits played by Sharon Stone, David Spade and Billie Bird! Plus, nothing beats Zed reciting this at a poetry club meeting: "Gene, Gene made a machine, and Joe, Joe made it go. Art, Art blew a fart and blew the whole damn thing apart."

34. OVER THE TOP (1987)
YES! A father and son story AND arm-wrestling! It's like the ambrosia of films! Stallone stars at his grunty best at Lincoln Hawkes, a trucker and arm-rastlin' legend trying to win a tournament...and his son's love! He'll have to avoid barking Robert Loggia and his unearthly tan, and the undefeated Bull Hurley to do so....all the while humming Kenny Loggins' "Meet Me Halfway." And to get the competitive edge he needs, he'll have to go...OVER THE TOP! I own the novelization of this movie, which I have utilized to no end in a comedy bit.

Savage Steve Holland's follow-up to the superb Better Off Dead (which I have not included as I don't consider it a guilty pleasure) reteams him with star Cusack (who has disowned both films, as he is sadly completely humorless) who stars as Hoops McCann, a struggling cartoonist spending a summer on Nantucket with his best friend George (Joel Murray), pacifist Ack Ack (Curtis Armstrong, my hero), the Stork Twins (Bobcat Goldthwait and Tom Villard), a silent little girl named Squid (Kristen Goelz), a dog named Boscoe, and a musician love interest named Cassandra (Demi Moore). He has to help Cassandra save her grandfather's house from the evil Beckersteds--will they raise enough money and keep Teddy Beckersted (Matt Mulhern) and his henchman Ty (Jeremy Piven) at bay long enough to win the Nantucket Regatta? Good God I love this movie. It's not Better Off Dead, but I find it a close second.

Ok, it's not good. But I have a soft spot in my heart for Meathead (voiced by Archie Hahn), a loving parody of E.T. and newest camper who is "ready for the summer." Richard Mulligan, John Larroquette, Hamilton Camp, Jason Hervey and Paul Reubens are all on display here, happily collecting a pay check.

37. HOWARD THE DUCK (1986)
Mega-flop is mega-fun in my book. I remember seeing it at the drive-in in Michigan as a double feature with The Karate Kid II and loving it. You've got Lea Thompson. Tim Robbins. Jeffrey Jones. And a duck who carries condoms.

38. HIGH SCHOOL U.S.A. (1983)
OMG. If you haven't seen this, SEEK IT OUT. A TV movie from 1983, it stars Michael J. Fox as Jay Jay Manners, a typical high school student--with classmates played by Nancy McKeon, Todd Bridges, Dana Plato, Crystal Bernard, Anthony Edwards, Jon Gries, Tom Villard, and Crispin Glover, flashin' his crazy as oddball Archie. Also features TV Land regulars Bob Denver, Tony Dow, and Dwayne Hickman. It's on DVD, and it's usually bargain-bin priced.

"It's all in the reflexes." Kurt Russell plays his BEST character ever in Jack Burton, a hero trucker with a lot of swagger who gets caught up in an otherworldly rescue mission in Chinatown against the evil Lo-Pan (James Hong). Can he rescue Miao Yin and sass-talking journalist Gracie Law (Kim Cattrall) before it's too late? Next to The Thing, this is John Carpenter's best work in my opinion. "Oh great, a six-demon bag. What's in it, Egg?" They should make a sequel to this. Pronto!

40. EXPLORERS (1986)
Baby Ethan Hawke and toddler River Phoenix build a spaceship in Joe Dante's sci-fi fantasy comedy that takes a turn for the weird once they leave earth. Also starring Bobby Fite, James Cromwell, Dana Ivey, Dick Miller, Mesach Taylor and Robert Picardo.

41. DREAMSCAPE (1984)
Christ, this movie was responsible for bunches of nightmares when I was a kid, thanks largely to the frightening snake man. "If you die in your dreams, you die in real life" is explored here--a killer is entering people's dreams and murdering them there. Can Dennis Quaid stop him? A top notch supporting cast includes Max Von Sydow, Christopher Plummer, George Wendt, Peter Jason, Eddie Albert, Kate Capshaw and David Patrick Kelly.

42. D.A.R.Y.L. (1985)
The Neverending Story's Barret Oliver stars as robot boy D.A.R.Y.L., found wandering around without any memory of who he is. He is taken in by the Richardsons (Michael McKean and Mary Beth Hurt), who promise to help him figure out his past. But his creators are hot on his trail--and ready to terminate him. Best of the mnemonic titled '80s films, besting C.H.O.M.P.S. and C.H.U.D.

The best of the Critters series (though the first film has its charms, and the third film has Leonardo DiCaprio) sees Brad (Scott Grimes) return to Grover's Bend just in time for another critter attack--with the help of two faceless shapeshifiting bounty hunters (including Terrence Mann), old town drunk turned hero Charlie (Don Opper), retired sheriff Harv (Barry Corbin, taking over for M. Emmett Walsh), high school crush Megan (Liane Alexandra Curtis) and her father (Lost's Sam Anderson), he battles the space nuisances, who can now form a giant critter ball. The site of '80s cinema nerd Eddie Deezen threating to "Kill Crites!" is worth the rental alone.

Super sweet family fantasy from Nick Castle follows Milly (Lucy Deakins) and her brother Lewis (Fred Savage) and recently widowed mother (Bonnie Bedelia) as they transition to a new neighborhood. Autistic next door neighbor Eric (Jay Underwood) is the title character, and his relationship with Milly is at the heart of this charmer, which also features Jason Priestly and a great subplot involving Savage and his militiristic trip around the block.

'84 might have been the sweetest year ever, as it brought us not one, but TWO break-dance feature films! Ozone, Turbo and who-cares-Kelly are BACK and they've got to save Miracles! That's their center for inner city pop'n' and lock'n kids--and the city wants to demolish it and build a shopping center. They've only got days before the demolition begins--but if they dance hard enough (on bulldozers, and ceilings), they may just have a chance to save it from those wack city officials.

"Thor's a homo." "You take that back--you take back what you said about Thor!" Chris Colombus' superior teen adventure comedy follows Elisabeth Shue and her charges (Keith Coogan, Maia Brewton and Anthony "Ya think?" Rapp) as they venture into Chicago to rescue the hapless and miopic Brenda (Penelope Ann Miller). Impromptu blues-singing, a valuable adult mag, Bradley Whitford, a hook-handed tow-truck driver, and a Thor-ish Vincent D'Onofrio combine in one of the most rewatchable films of that decade. Ok...maybe not a guilty pleasure, for I take no guilt in it. But I'm leaving it on the list.

High-flying Disney sci-fi adventure with David Scott Freeman as Joey Cramer, a boy who disappears for 8 years only to arrive in the future unaged a day since his disappearance. He's soon contacted by an alien ship (voiced by Paul Reubens) who needs him as navigator. Anything with Howard Hessman, Cliff De Young and Sarah Jessica Parker is worth a look in my humble opinion.

48. SPACECAMP (1986)
Take Max to space? Golldarnit' Jinx, you wacky robot you! A gaggle of space geeks (Lea Thompson, Kate Capshaw, Kelly Preston, Tate Donovan and Leaf Phoenix) are accidently launched into space by Phoenix's lil' robot pal in this fun fantasy. I'll watch anything with Leaf-era Phoenix involved. Joaquin, not so much. I just call him Wookie Phoenix now. It's easier.

49. MY DEMON LOVER (1987)
Family Ties star Scott "Nick" Valentine's short big-screen career began and ended with this incredibly weird film following a musician who--get this--turns into a demon when he is sexually aroused. I mean, I get that, but to base a whole movie around it?'s the kind of trainwreck you can't look away from.

It gives me end the list with this rockin' tale of an all female band, led by Justine Bateman and a not-yet-known Julia Roberts. Will the band--"Mystery"--keep on rollin' when they get an offer to play in Europe? And what the F is Liam Neeson doing in this?

Harry and the Hendersons
The Garbage Pail Kids Movie
Light of Day
The Legend of Billie Jean
Gleaming the Cube
Hot to Trot
The Rescue
The Experts
Big Shots
Nuns on the Run
Three for the Road
Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold

Saturday, July 25, 2009

My First Comic-Con or Cole's Adventures Through the Looking-Glass

Well, I finally did it. After years of thinking about and/or threatening to go, I attended the 2009 San Diego Comic Con International on Friday. Originally, we had intended to get four day passes, but when they sold out uber-quickly, we initially snagged single day Thursday tickets. Unfortunately, things came up and plans to attend the first day of the Con were abandoned. Thankfully, I lucked into a Friday pass, and away I went! Here's some of my impressions of my first-ever Comic Con experience...

Friday, 10:45 am
The pass I bought was released on Ebay by the Con itself, but wasn't available for printing until around 7:30am Friday morning, and I decided it best to leave after LA traffic subsided a bit. I knew I could pretty much kiss the panels goodbye, as patrons basically squat in the rooms all day since they don't clear them. Being my first Con, I wasn't there so much for the panels but to walk around and soak it all in. My cat, Sidney, thought it very important that I have a good mix cd for the car. Here he is offering it up:

Tunes in hand, I hit the road towards San Diego. Traffic was a bit of a mess once I hit the 5, and it took me about 2 hours and 45 mins to arrive at the parking lot by the cruise ships. One severely air-conditioned shuttle ride later, and I arrived at the Convention Center.

I knew there would be a lot of people.


Nerds, geeks, dweebs, dorks, spazzes, freaks, weirdos, teens, geriatrics, families, ninja turtles, slave Leias, Jokers, Scarecrows, Darth Vaders, Mighty Booshii, Bobba Fetts, Catwomen, Mad Maxes, Browncoats, Spocks, Kirks, Cyberpunks, Simpsons, Jack Sparrows, Cheerleaders, Suicide Girls, X-Wing Fighter Pilots, Torgos, Jack Bauers, Pikachus, Wolverines, Iron Mans, Robin Hoods, Maid Marians, Gandalfs, Frodos, the actual Frodo Elijah Wood, Seth Greens, Nightcrawlers, Super Marios, Luigis, Bowsers, Stewies, Cartmans, Snake Eyeses, G.I. Joes, Elves, Wizards, Sexy Spies, Ninjas....


After securing my badge, I decided to wander the exhibition floor for a little bit. There's not a deep breath than can prepare you for the Clockwork Orange-esque sensory overload that is the dense collection of promotional studio exhibits, autograph stations and sales booths hawking comics, anime, t-shirts, figures, dolls, artwork, swords (yes...swords), posters, etc. So crowded that it was hard to really stop and look at anything--everywhere you turned, someone was pushing through you, or a bullish nerd with a "FREE HUGS" sign was attempting to fondle you. It was so hard to get orientated at first I had to pull off to the side for a few minutes to collect myself. My mission was to try and track down the RiffTrax booth (I had the number, but that wasn't much help), say hello to whomever was manning it (turns out it was Torgospizza, a handle familiar to anyone who trolls their forum), and then figure out what to eat since I hadn't accomplished that yet. It took me a while, but I found it (and saw Adam Baldwin along the way--charging $30 for an autograph or $10 for a "candid photograph" much does it cost to be my bodyguard for the day? If Chris Makepeace can rent him, so can I...) and was told the best places to eat would be outside of the convention downtown. I left the floor and ventured out, surprised at the sheer number of Con-related things to do outside of the Con proper. There was an Alice in Wonderland walk-through exhibit for the new Burton/Depp movie at a storefront a few blocks away, and next to it, I found my lunch deal at a place called Fleet Wood. $12 bought me a bowl of tomato bisque and a bacon cheeseburger, fuel enough for what was to come.

I decided to visit my friends Kevin Murphy, Bill Corbett and Michael J. Nelson, who were doing a two hour block of autograph signing up on the Sails Pavilion. In good spirits, here they are signing below:

Later that evening, the guys were going to be doing a panel and live riff of a short. I was happy to find that they had secured me a reserved seat ticket to the sure-to-be packed event, so it looked like I would get to see one panel after all! After hanging for a few with them and RiffTrax producer Josh Gemma, it was back to the exhibition floor, a little wiser this time. Some of the cool booths included a promo for the new series Flash Forward where you got to see a little bit of your future; a recruitment center for V, the new take on the classic sci-fi miniseries; a big ol' stage for Stark Industries tying in with the new Iron Man movie; a Star Wars stage with many perfectly-dressed Jedi in some sort of performance; an Adult Swim booth sporting Breckin Meyer and Seth Green; a giant Warner Brothers water tower; and a big steel G4 platform, and perched on top--my buddy Chris Hardwick, who invited me up for a few minutes. Here he is, somberly taking things in:

...and here is the view of the exhibition floor from the top of the G4 platform...

After chilling with Hardwick for a few, I headed back to the floor to track down something terribly, terribly important. For those of you who read my last blog post, you know of my guilty pleasure love of the craptastic Disney superhero film Condorman. Well, here you have it...the ORIGINAL costume of Michael Crawford's crime-fighting bird of prey:

Thanks to my friend Jeremy for the heads up on it's location at the Con. After shopping around for a few hours (and thankfully avoiding buying most kitschy crap--though a Ben Linus bobblehead doll could be quite the conversation starter), it was time to head up to Ballroom 6DE for the RiffTrax Live panel. Ran into Conor from RiffTrax, who walked me back to where everyone was hanging out pre-show, and was happy to see Bridget Nelson and to meet Veronica Belmont, who was moderating the event (and will also be hosting the live RiffTrax of Plan 9 From Outer Space that Fathom events is doing on August 20th--which you should all check out at a theater near you!). Soon it was time to be seated, and the panel begun. Here's a shot from my seat:

They started with a live riff of a country-tinged short about construction safety called "Shake Hands With Danger." Hilarious! Then the guys invited fans to come up to a microphone and "pitch" (in 30 seconds or less) their idea of a film for them to riff in the future. Memorable suggestions included Super Mario Brothers, Highlander 2, Tango & Cash, Stalking Santa, The Duchess, and the eventual winner, Dragon Wars. Soon after the panel was completed, it was back to the streets of San Diego for a slice of pizza and then that oh-so-fun drive back to LA.

Completely overwhelming, but ultimately fun and exhausting, my first trip to Comic-Con was a worthy adventure. I'll definitely be better prepared for next year.

*Who wasn't at Comic-Con? Probably this guy, Scott Baio, whose photo I must post due to my slacking in blogging.*

Monday, July 20, 2009

The guiltiest of pleasures...

We all have 'em--movies we grew up on that we can watch over and over again. As a child of HBO, I have a ton of films that were as beloved as my M.A.S.K. playsets and stuffed tugboat (yes...I had a stuffed tugboat, named...Tugboat). Here are 25 of those guilty pleasures--in no particular order. Some of these are actually pretty good, many are fairly awful. Be sure to let me know some of yours in the comments section!

Jack Flack to Lady Ace! Come in, Lady Ace! This one actually holds up rather well--Davey Osborne (Henry Thomas) ends up in a deadly game of cat-and-mouse when he comes in possession of an Atari game with crucial information on it. With the aid of his precocious best friend Kim and imaginary hero Jack Flack (who bears a striking resembles to his father Hal, played by Dabney Coleman), can Davey keep the cartridge out of the hands (screwy, finger-missin' hands) of the bad guys and stay alive?

Animated adaptation of the Peter S. Beagle children's classic by Rankin & Bass, it features a great collection of songs by America and the vocal talents of Alan Arkin, Robert Klein, Mia Farrow, Jeff Bridges and Christopher Lee. Hearing Farrow and Bridges "sing" is quite an adventure on the ears. Oh, and that Red Bull is still scarier than Billy Joel behind the wheel.

Stylistic chum to TV's Parker Lewis Can't Lose, Phil Janou's teen comedy follows school paper reporter Jerry Mitchell (Casey Siemaszko) who bumps into new school psychopath Buddy Revell (Richard Tyson, who you may also remember from Kindergarten Cop)--an unfortunate incident, as he now has to fight him immediately after school. Killer cinematography by Barry Sonnenfeld is a highlight of this unique 80s comedy. Don't miss Paul Feig as "Hall Monitor!"

4. TRANSYLVANNIA 6-500 (1985)
A perennial Halloween classic for me and probably no one else, this horror-spoof comedy stars two very tall actors (Jeff Goldblum and Ed Begley, Jr.), a chick who digs archery (Geena Davis), and a guy who used to be beloved til an infamous on-stage tirade (Michael Richards). Oh, and throw in the principal from Ferris Bueller (Jeffrey Jones), the guy from Rags to Riches (Joseph Bologna) and the lady who beats the crap out of Bill Murray in Scrooged (Carol Kane), and you've got yourself quite a movie!

Just your typical western--good guy wears white, bad guy wears black, there's shoot-outs, etc. Oh, but one little twist--the entire cast is LITTLE PEOPLE! Yep, a bizarre experiment from the '30s is out there if you do some internet searching, and worth a look.

The future! Lukas Haas! Rollerblading! Phantom ants! Water crisis! Glowing orb of energy named Bodhi! Jason Patric being in his usual intense mode! Adrian Pasdar! Best. Movie. Ever. Oh, and music by Maurice Jarre!

7. SIX PACK (1982)
I've never liked Nascar--but boy oh boy, do I like Kenny Rogers as driver Brewster Baker! It's hard enough handlin' the track--but now he's got his hands full with six rascally kids in his pit crew! Among them are Diane Lane and Anthony Michael Hall--and Terry Kiser (a.k.a. partyin' Bernie from the Weekend movies) is on hand as well. Everything I need to know I learned from the theme song--Love will turn you around...TURN YOU AROUND!

Just your average time-travel high-school sci-fi comedy. With your average Fisher Stevens and Raphael Sbarge. And your CRAZY Dennis Hopper. Man, does it have low production values...but I still adore it.

The world had demanded an 80s pop/rock makeover of Gilbert & Sullivan's Pirates of Penzance, and lo and behold world, you got it in 1982! Equally effeminate stars Kristy McNichol and Christopher Atkins headline this wonderful cheese fest, with such head-spinnin' numbers as "My First Love," "How Can I Live Without Her?," and the half-animated "Pumpin' and Blowin'" Yep, this movie exists, and how much richer my life is for it!

When midnight madness starts to get to you...doesn't matter what you say...doesn't matter what you gotta play! The Great All-Nighter scavenger hunt pits multi-colored college teams against each other for one night in 80s Los Angeles. Will the good-guy yellow team (with David Naughton and, in his feature-film debut, Michael J. Fox) win against the villainous blue team (led by the portly Stephen Furst), macho green team, all-girl red team or nerdy white team (with Eddie Deezen)? Or, more importantly, will we watch Barf unscramble "Faggabeefe" over and over again, because we love it? I can watch this movie over and over again and never complain.

Take your pick of The Coreys '80s classics (I mostly gravitate to The Lost Boys), but this one is appalling hypnotic. Add Heather Graham to the mix, and you've got a teen classic!

12. THE ICE PIRATES (1984)
Witness Anjelica Huston slummin' it in this low-budget sci-fi comedy that also stars Ron Perlman, Robert Urich, and Mary Crosby. Not to mention, they GOT BRUCE! THE Bruce Vilanch. Even their robots are insolent!

Wow. Never before has a movie sported Arye Gross, Bill Maher, a flatulent dead great-grandpa, a caterpillar-dog thing, a baby pterodactyl, a psychopathic gunslinger back from the dead, and Amy Yasbeck....and it will never happen again. It seriously makes little-to-no sense. But I used to watch it a ton when I was around 12 years old...

14. HOUSEGUEST (1995)
Sinbad is at his most tolerable in this genuinely funny film from the Mouse factory. Phil Hartman shows his usual genius here, and makes me sad every time I watch it.

15. HIDING OUT (1987)
My favorite of the high-school teen comedies, Hiding Out follows stockbroker Andrew Morenski, who hides from the mob by going back to high school and stealing his name from a coffee can (Maxwell...Hauser). With a nerdy nephew (Keith Coogan) and love interest (Annabeth Gish) in tow, he does his best to stay out of the limelight, only to find himself suddenly running for student council. Directed by Bob Giraldi (who actually directed a Sprint commercial I was in with 49ers Qback Steve Young), it also has a great soundtrack, featuring Roy Orbison, Boy George, and Pretty Poison's "Catch Me I'm Falling."

Good God I loved this movie growing up--I kinda wish Dance TV was real! SJP and Helen Hunt join forces with tiny Shannen Doherty and Jonathan Silverman in this loving tribute to the spirit of dance and individuality. Whoah--I just made this film WAY deeper than it is. Slow slow quick quick slow!

Also known as the butchering of the Beatles back catalog, this fantasy musical stars the Bee Gees, Steve Martin, Peter Frampton, Aerosmith and others doing so-so sing-a-longs around a paper-thin plot. Still, I can't stop watching it.

18. CONDORMAN (1981)
Michael Crawford (yes, THAT Michael Crawford, Broadway's Phantom o' the Opera) stars as comic book artist/winged super hero Condorman in this early '80s Disney stinker. The DVD is long out of print and trading for around $100, I can't bring myself to pony up the cash for this film that, although enjoyable to a 6 year old Cole Stratton, will definitely NOT hold up.

19. TEEN WOLF TOO (1987)
Do we need Michael J. Fox to do a sequel to our favorite basketball playin' Lupine teenager? Not when you've got JASON BATEMAN! You get automatic points for calling your sequel "Too." What's it stand for? Teen Wolf Too Awful To Screen For Critics Before Print Deadline? Regardless, the poster features a wolfed-out Bateman leaning on a stack of books with pun titles. Can't beat that.

20. BACK TO THE BEACH (1987)
Frankie and Annette are back and doin' what they do best--hangin' at the beach with friends from classic TV! Bob Denver, Tony Dow, Alan Hale, Jr., Jerry Mathers, and Barbara Billingsley join Lori Loughlin, Demian Slade and Surfin' Bird Pee-Wee Herman in this wacky comedy. Sky Sky Sky...Do The Sky.

21. FREEJACK (1992)
In the future...New York...2009! Yep, at this point in time, we're supposed to have bounty hunters who travel through time to grab people from the past just before they die. Such is the situation for Emilio Estevez's race car driver, who romances Renee Russo (and had to have a ditch dug for her to walk in so their heights seem similiar, as she is a giant and he is of the Shire) and avoids the clutches of Mick Jagger (DON'T DO IT! DON'T DO IT!). Anthony Hopkins collects a paycheck here as well.

22. ROCKETMAN (1997)
Harland Williams is warped, and very funny. He's oddly endearing in this occasionally hilarious Disney live-actioner that came out when...I was in college. Still, I find myself laughing with or at this every once in a while.

23. KIDCO (1984)
Scott Schwartz (pre-porn but post A Christmas Story) stars in this comedy about entreprenurial children selling manure (would that make them entrepre-menurial?). Manure! High-larious. Also features a young-ish Ron Rifkin as a lawyer. Still not on DVD, the VHS versions of this go for quite a bit.

The Fat Boys AND Ralph Bellamy? YES PLEASE!

Jon Lovitz is the Evil Emperor Tod, obsessed with Marge of Woodland Hills (Teri Garr), who kidnaps her and her hapless husband (Jeffrey Jones) and transports them to his own tiny planet, Spengo. Wallace Shawn and Kathy Ireland play long seperated lovers...Eric Idle shows up as a crazed prisoner...and there's a bit with a "light grenade" that is so stupid that the longer it goes on, the funnier it gets. The definition of a guilty pleasure!


**Oh, darnit, it's been 4 days. Here's your Scott Baio photo!