Yep, it's everyone's favorite holiday, Earth Day! A time for all of us to band together and each do a small part to help keep this tiny planet of ours turning. Here are some things we can each do to help make this world a better place:
Reduce your carbon footprint and carpool
Seriously, do it. Call up Ed Begley, Jr. and tell him you need a ride to work. He'll come pick you up in his little electric car. He won't be happy about it, but his dedication to green causes will force his hand. Then tell him you're doing your part by recycling your DVD copy of Transylvania 6-5000. Then ask him what Michael Richards is really like.
Save energy and turn off unnecessary lights
If you aren't entertaining, take this moment to turn off the showcase light illuminating your mint copy of Uncanny X-Men #201. A constant reminder of the first appearance of your favorite mutant, Cable, the issue will still be as special despite the lack of a spotlight. Also, take this opportunity to recycle all of your copies of Guardians of the Galaxy, because let's face it, they just aren't worth the Mylar that's currently housing them.
Use water efficiently
Even though it seems like a good idea, it's not necessary to shower every time you "accidentally" watch an episode of Dr. Phil.
Punch anyone wearing an Ed Hardy shirt
Trust me. It will make the world a better place.
Go Green with your power
Using a green electricity source can make all the difference in the world. Bust out those tight-fitting corduroy pants and rapidly rub your thighs together until ample static is produced--harness that, and in a couple of days, you'll have enough to power your television for two minutes! That's enough time to see the good parts in any season three episode of Heroes.
Walk to Laser Tag
It's like three blocks from your house, dude. I know it's warm out, but just suck it up and hoof it over there. And don't give me that "A General in the Laserillian Armada would NEVER walk to a battle" thing. Plenty of high-ranking Taggers before you have done it.
Give "BuffyBot 2000" the day off
I know she "completes you," but it's creepy and sad. I like the show, too, but the fact that you spent months in your basement building her to look just like the robotic vampire slayer is tragic. And she uses a lot of electricity, amigo. So power down.
Go natural with Twitter
Instead of plugging in your laptops and using all that juice, stay off the net and do your tweeting naturally, with actual birds. Keep the updates simple and you'll find that a robin or a swallow is adept at telling people you hardly know that you are "Thinking about doing laundry today" or "Wondering where the best burrito is in Silverlake." Refrain from sending updates to @Ornithophobic.
Thanks for doing your part!