Dear Kenny Roger,
I like your songs and movies. My favorate song is "The Gambler." And my favorate movie is "Six Pack." I enjoy listening to your songs and I've watched many of your concerts. I'm glad you became an star singer. I like to buy your albums and I hope you continue to wright write many more songs. You are my favorate star. cole. p.s. I hope you answer my letter. <--From Your Friend, Cole Stratton
Many things jump out at me when I read this, especially since I've read it hundreds of times as it lives above the toilet in my bathroom. It's hard to believe there ever was a time when Six Pack was my favorite (or shall I say "favorate") film. It does combine several amazing things into one movie: Kenny Rogers, race cars, and lovable orphans (played by the likes of Anthony Michael Hall and Diane Lane). To this day, I still find myself humming Rogers' theme song from the film, "Love With Turn You Around." It's easy to see why that flick, in combination with everyone's choice instructional poker song, "The Gambler," would drive a seven year old towards a letter writing campaign (no joke--I also wrote Campbell's Soup to praise their Split Pea n' Ham concoction).
This letter is chock full of lies. I haven't seen a single Kenny Rogers concert, let alone "several." I grew up in Michigan suburbia--not exactly KR country. Favorite star? I know for a fact that he took a backseat to one particular performer who influenced me greatly throughout the years: Fozzie Bear. What delivery! What material! What a catch phrase! Wocka Wocka Wocka!
One other thing of note--I like how I wrote that I enjoy "buying" his albums, not the albums themselves. This would explain my tendency to purchase cds and records and stockpile them, many of which I still haven't given a full listen to. So let me take this opportunity to apologize to the latest albums by Stereophonics, Broken Social Scene's Brendan Canning and The Walkmen. I swear I'll do better by you guys.